Can't Stop The Suicide Thoughts

[Bookoffee]

You know when you are at the time when you are worth more dead, yeah I am at that point

 

[digger]

It depends on how you measure worth, or who is measuring it. Whether you can see it, or agree with it, or like it, or not, your 'worth' to different people will be measured in different ways and will not necessarily concur with your own evaluation.

 

[scout86]

There's also a difference between "knowing" and "thinking" and "thinking you know",

What's going on @Bookoffee ?

 

[Bookoffee]

I still owe money to my landlord for last month's rent. Both my cars are off the road. We are lucky if we have $30 a week for food. My wife will lose her job if she can't find a way to her job tomorrow. My psychiatrist won't fill my meds until I can get into his office and see him. I owe him a lot of money for missed co-payments. I have no one to turn too for help. The town or state wont help us because between the two of us we make too much money. Her parents wont help us but will 'pray' for us. I don't have a relationship with anyone in my family.

We are going to be homeless soon.

 

[scout86]

If you were dead, your wife would have to deal with all that alone AND deal with her grief over losing you.

 

[digger]

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but how would you killing yourself help your wife through such a difficult time?

Do you have anyone you can call from the course/program that you did recently that might be able to talk you through some of your thoughts?

 

[scout86]

My knee jerk reaction to your list of problems was to start coming up with potential solutions. That's kind of just the way my brain works and I'm thinking it doesn't address the real problem.

It seems like the most important problem is how you feel about yourself and what you can see as solutions. What does your wife say about these issues? Have you tried to work your way through it as a team? Since that's what you are,

@digger has a good point about contacting someone to help you sort through this.

The problems you're experiencing, as stressful as they are, are problems that MANY people experience. And they get through them. It can be messy, it can be complicated, but it can be done. And life goes on out the other side. And things can improve.

 

[Bookoffee]

I feel so alone even with my wife. She wont call anyone for help because she is 'freaking' out. I have to work over 40 hours a week and while I am working figure out everything that needs to be done. I don't feel any support from her. I ask her to do at least one thing for me while I am at work and she is sitting home. She wont do it because it is too much for her to handle.

I understand how it is to be at your breaking point but I need help and support.

 

[shimmerz]

This is such a crappy place to be. I am so sorry you too are suffering through this @Bookoffee . My heart goes out to you. I hear you when you say you have nobody to go to. Scary. Terrifying. It sounds like you are taking the majority of the responsibility and that must be a very heavy burden. I hope you are still here....

 

[shimmerz]

but I need help and support.

Of course you do. Glad you are still here. I was worried that you went offline.

What can I do I to offer my support to you in a way that is meaningful to you? Have you any sense of that?

 

[scout86]

You DO need help. Anyone would, with that much to deal with. It sounds like you MIGHT end up needing to file for bankruptcy, but that's something best sorted out with a professional. It sounds like your wife could use some help too, to be honest.

I'm with @shimmerz , what would help?

 

[Bookoffee]

I don't know @shimmerz I just keep crying and I am at work. I need to compose myself but I cant. I don't know how I am going to get my therapy appointment.

we do need to file for bankruptcy @scout86 but we need to save up over $700 to file. If I had that much, I would fix my Saturn so my wife can work more then 20 hours a week.

I don't know what will help at this point. I am at a loss