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Dark Shower Of Ptsd And Ocd
- Post starter emz315
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StarChild
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Is there a window or another source of light while he takes a shower, or does he leave the door of the bathroom open?
Did you ask him, why he takes a shower in the dark, or why he hates clutter?
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@TreeHugger There is a window but cannot see into it And its frosted.
Havent asked him as he has not been in a good place lately im just curious really and seeing if anyone has noticed this before.
Havent asked him as he has not been in a good place lately im just curious really and seeing if anyone has noticed this before.
D
Deleted member 1860
I read up on this and it said if the obsessions/compulsions arise out of trauma, it is ptsd, but if not it is Ocd. I have HORRIBLE obsessions but they arise out of trauma, so yes it's ptsd. His sound like it's possible that it may actually be Ocd. Only a doctor can tell you if it's two separate disorders or not.
scout86
VIP Member
I'm not telepathic either.
The clutter? My house is a mess. But, now and then, in some situations, I prefer order. I will tell people it's "my bit in the battle against entropy". The military encourages order. Order feels safe. Order feels like having something under control. Order might be an illusion, but it can be a comforting one.
On the one hand, you really need to ask HIM if you want to know why he does stuff. On the other hand, my T says to avoid asking "Why?" questions. People tend to take it as a criticism rather than a simple inquiry.
Sometimes there IS no "why?" There just IS.
I can easily see doing that because I don't like looking at myself.
The clutter? My house is a mess. But, now and then, in some situations, I prefer order. I will tell people it's "my bit in the battle against entropy". The military encourages order. Order feels safe. Order feels like having something under control. Order might be an illusion, but it can be a comforting one.
On the one hand, you really need to ask HIM if you want to know why he does stuff. On the other hand, my T says to avoid asking "Why?" questions. People tend to take it as a criticism rather than a simple inquiry.
Sometimes there IS no "why?" There just IS.
I had a horrendous time in the shower. It used to be my 'fav' time. PTSD made me feel trapped in it though. With your Bf, it could be a ton of thing. Try, if you can, not to look for reasons for everything, it will drive you mad. Bringing it up may intensify the feeling for him as well. I suggest you just see it as 'so' for right now. He will get to it.
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D
Deleted member 28812
Some thoughts:
Military people like order because they like to know where their things are. In case of emergency people's lifes could depend on it. They also say that prior proper planing prevents piss poor performamce (7Ps). They like to have a plan where their things are because otherwise they might not find them in time and this is bad in case of emergency.
It helps you lead your life more effective because you don't lose time searching for things.
My husband is really into cleanness - especially cleanness of the shower because he is afraid of germs. People with PTSD feel always watchful and germs are scary. You do not see them but they threaten your family.
Military people like order because they like to know where their things are. In case of emergency people's lifes could depend on it. They also say that prior proper planing prevents piss poor performamce (7Ps). They like to have a plan where their things are because otherwise they might not find them in time and this is bad in case of emergency.
It helps you lead your life more effective because you don't lose time searching for things.
My husband is really into cleanness - especially cleanness of the shower because he is afraid of germs. People with PTSD feel always watchful and germs are scary. You do not see them but they threaten your family.
StarChild
Sponsor
That's a generalized, statement, and simply untrue. @Lemontree, please avoid making generalized statements. It's annoying, and exactly the way PTSD-Myths are created.
D
Deleted member 28812
Actually hypervigilance is a symptom of PTSD and I am very sorry to say that but I think that some people here like to take offense and guess what my life is complicated enough without that.
I am so happy my husband has no problem with me talking the way I do.
I am so happy my husband has no problem with me talking the way I do.
I'll bite, okay? I haven't had enough meat this week so biting people it is. Grl's gotta compensate.
@Lemontree, you come here as a non sufferer. With, to even lately as demonstrated by another thread, shady understanding of and no personal experience with, core PTSD symptoms - all of which people here and their loved ones spent battling years or decades. Yet you have the audacity to claim who's taking offense. Maybe you better sit back and stop being offensive.
It's nice that your partner has no issue with how you talk, good for you. But this is not a conversation of your husband and you. This is someone else's relationship, advice request, and a place of communication. Please respect that.
@Lemontree, you come here as a non sufferer. With, to even lately as demonstrated by another thread, shady understanding of and no personal experience with, core PTSD symptoms - all of which people here and their loved ones spent battling years or decades. Yet you have the audacity to claim who's taking offense. Maybe you better sit back and stop being offensive.
It's nice that your partner has no issue with how you talk, good for you. But this is not a conversation of your husband and you. This is someone else's relationship, advice request, and a place of communication. Please respect that.
WhisperingUnicorn
Gold Member
OP - my man is extremely conscious of spending money on electricity so he cuts it off wherever he can - I can't run my hairdryer if he's got coffee on the burner at the same time, cuz he doesn't want to spike the usage, etc.
My man also has VERY "OCD" like behaviors, has joked for years about himself in this regard:
- he is obsessive about certain methodologies, and things being in their right place - but this arises from having always had his stuff stolen from him by his abusers. (like a child who grows up in an orphanage has to fight to keep any one thing their "own" so it isn't taken by someone else) .. so this is PTSD related, not OCD.
- he has "routines" that he MUST follow before he can feel enough relief from his anxiety to leave the house - but this stems from both the above realities, AND the fact that he is PTSD-DID and so his memories don't transfer from short to long term memory the way it should, so he honestly cannot remember IF he did this or that (lock the back door? turn off the furnace? make sure the refrigerator door is closed tight? windows locked?) .. he was abused to such extremes most of his early life, that he is always expecting some thief or betrayer to come across his path at any time and take everything he has - because this has happened to him over and over. I tend to walk through the routine WITH him, now, cuz he also hates stressing me out by always being late for things which in turn puts more anxiety on HIM .. but if I SEE him do a thing, then he can ask me in the car (instead of doubling back to the house to re-do the routine!) - Did I remember to turn the furnace down? Did you see me click the bolt lock? ... etc. :)
SO .. all that to say - I can't comment on the QUALITY of the light vs. dark shower, but maybe it's just a money saver. Agree with other posters above - you can just ASK him, but I have found I have to be careful how I ASK, too .. cuz that could be a trigger, or he might instantly feel I'm either questioning his judgment OR somehow disdainful of some of the side-effects of his PTSD which he can internalize, cuz he really struggles with feeling ashamed because of his "quirks."
Then again, it really could be as simple as "Why do you like taking showers in the dark?" :) :) Oh dear, we can so easily complicate things! LOL
~S2B
My man also has VERY "OCD" like behaviors, has joked for years about himself in this regard:
- he is obsessive about certain methodologies, and things being in their right place - but this arises from having always had his stuff stolen from him by his abusers. (like a child who grows up in an orphanage has to fight to keep any one thing their "own" so it isn't taken by someone else) .. so this is PTSD related, not OCD.
- he has "routines" that he MUST follow before he can feel enough relief from his anxiety to leave the house - but this stems from both the above realities, AND the fact that he is PTSD-DID and so his memories don't transfer from short to long term memory the way it should, so he honestly cannot remember IF he did this or that (lock the back door? turn off the furnace? make sure the refrigerator door is closed tight? windows locked?) .. he was abused to such extremes most of his early life, that he is always expecting some thief or betrayer to come across his path at any time and take everything he has - because this has happened to him over and over. I tend to walk through the routine WITH him, now, cuz he also hates stressing me out by always being late for things which in turn puts more anxiety on HIM .. but if I SEE him do a thing, then he can ask me in the car (instead of doubling back to the house to re-do the routine!) - Did I remember to turn the furnace down? Did you see me click the bolt lock? ... etc. :)
SO .. all that to say - I can't comment on the QUALITY of the light vs. dark shower, but maybe it's just a money saver. Agree with other posters above - you can just ASK him, but I have found I have to be careful how I ASK, too .. cuz that could be a trigger, or he might instantly feel I'm either questioning his judgment OR somehow disdainful of some of the side-effects of his PTSD which he can internalize, cuz he really struggles with feeling ashamed because of his "quirks."
Then again, it really could be as simple as "Why do you like taking showers in the dark?" :) :) Oh dear, we can so easily complicate things! LOL
~S2B
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