Dark Shower Of Ptsd And Ocd

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Questions that start with "Why?" tend to make people defensive. You may not mean it that way, but it sounds like you're coming from a place of criticism, not curiosity.

Hm, thanks for this thought - I hadn't considered .. I suppose it might also depend on HOW you ask .. I tend to ask my man in a way that (I think?) conveys curiosity .. if this were our situation, though, I would probably couple it with a question "If you do this to save $, is there something I could turn off elsewhere in the house so you could enjoy the light on?" .. but then, he would have probably already thought of that and asked me .. such as turning off the hot water heater after full so it doesn't kick on while he's in the shower and drain the electricity .. *curiouser and curiouser* :)

I love this site, and the insights!

 

[Deleted member 28986]

I suppose it might also depend on HOW you ask .. I tend to ask my man in a way that (I think?) conveys curiosity

Some PTSD sufferers, especially those who suffered interpersonal trauma, have immense trouble understanding tones of voice. We often take things VERY personally and negatively—even if the speaker does a perfect job of communicating.

I don't know how relevant this is to the OP's situation, but I thought it was worth mentioning. If anyone's sufferer gets upset even when you say everything right, their upset is not about you. Stay ultra-calm and explain that your intentions were positive. If these communication issues are frequent and/or severe, there are ways for both of you to learn communication skills to reduce these problems. There is hope.

Apologies for derailing the thread.

 

[holdenmonty]

I'm with you there @The One Who Knocks I would say it is very relevant at least for me because depending on the kind of space I'm in, in my head because sometimes if I'm in a really dark spot then I can even sometimes take a compliment and spin it around and get angry about it somehow.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Some PTSD sufferers, especially those who suffered interpersonal trauma, have immense trouble understanding tones of voice.

Oh dear, this is another good revelation .. I can totally see this with my man .. And it definitely helps him the more CALM I can remain. I also try to keep my face either neutral or "smiley" .. though that can backfire if his trigger has been tripped and he thinks I'm "mocking" him ... Either way, I KNOW it's the trauma/suspicion kicking in, and we can usually weather those moments ok (if I don't take personal offense, and sometimes that's a big IF, LOL, but we're learning!) ...

...there are ways for both of you to learn communication skills to reduce these problems. There is hope.

You can say THAT twice and mean it. :) The more grace we can show each other, the easier it is to FIND those skills even if we find we're stumbling around a bit before we find success. We tend to know in our hearts that there is a solution to be found, and we both "believe the best" about the other's intentions with pretty good consistency, so we are more apt to exhibit patience, and assume a misunderstanding instead of jumping right into BLAME ...

~S2B

 

[Justmehere]

ive often seen him in the bathroom and the lights have been turned off whilst having a shower...he also cleans alot and hates clutter....can a sufferer or supporter please explain why this may be?

I have gone through seasons of OCD-type behaviors with my PTSD. Cleaning and organizing gave me a sense of control in a world full of chaos. It gave me a sense of agency, of being prepared, of being ready for anything. It was also an outlet for my anxiety. As is typical with full blown OCD, it didn't actually reduce my anxiety, but it still was an outlet for it.

I have gone through seasons where my house has been a mess, and I didn't care, and other times where any clutter would drive me up the wall. Clutter felt like too much input and chaos around me to deal with. Showering with just the light of the window could be a calming type of behavior. Whenever I feel a lot of anxiety, going into a quiet dark room often helps quite a bit. It's about reducing the sensory input and lowering my stress levels overall.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

If I were you I would ask him why he is acting the way he does...

The military encourages that sort of subculture or thinking that they do not talk about "being weak" because they think it is pathetic... in my country they say "a soldier does not freeze, he just cuddles with an iceblock and trembles with anger because it is not cold enough" or "a soldier never sleeps, he just rests his eyes". So many people do not talk about PTSD.

So if you want to know you need to ask because my husband and a man who has similar values won't come and tell you.

There are different ways of asking. You could ask 1. "I noticed you are acting pretty crazy. Why do you clean the shower so often?"

or you could say

2. "I have noticed you pay a lot of attention to cleanliness and I really like the way you dress because it looks so smart how your clothes are always neat and match. It makes me feel really special going out with you because I think all the other women think: what a good looking guy" or "I noticed you have all your tools on a shadow board where you can find them. That's a good idea. You never waste any time searching them" or in case of the shower "the shower smells always so good since you clean it with ... (whatwever he uses to clean it)".

I think no. 2 is better than no. 1 - but do not lie... just tell him something positive about him being OCD you noticed... but do not lie.