I Am Cured!?!

[Friday]

I had 10 good years. Amazing years. I describe it sometimes as being about 92% sane... Which is like an orgasm of sanity. Ditched all the symptoms that I hated, and put the other 8% to work for me.

Ditched sounds like an easy thing to do. It's not, it's just I didn't realize all the things that had gone into mitigating symptoms. In reality, it took me not only 5 years of some crazy hard work, but I had reworked my life into something that -on a daily basis- was set up to bleed symptoms off, and a whole series of safety nets that I would hit (and have to crash through) before things could get that bad, again. I just didn't know any of it. All I knew was that my life was pure chaos for 5 years, and then I was fine.

It's been really humbling (and frustrating, demoralizing, crazy making) to have to start over from square 1. Re-doing all the work I did on accident, is much harder to do on purpose. Upside: knowing things are in place for a reason (instead of just me being quirky), should help. Eventually.

I was one of those people that "had" PTSD (past tense). Not cured, I didn't know it was even a thing to cure. It was just something I had, and then didn't. Like the flu ;) Granted, I also thought I only had it in the military. That those 5 years of chaos and spinning out afterward was just "me". My lost-years. So, having been completely ignorant, I tend to be moderately tolerant of idiots. Okay, dumb f*ck, I've been there, and this is where you're talking out your ass.

I've had 25 years of morons claiming to have cured their ADHD, however... And have zero tolerance there. You can't cure ADHD, it's how your brain is wired! You can no more cure ADHD than you can cure musical talent, or artistic ability, or a facility with maths. If you "cured" your ADHD with nutrition, it was never ADHD. It was malnutrition. If you "cured" it wih sleep, it was never ADHD, it was sleep deprivation. Ditto bad parenting, learning organizational skills, using snake oil, whatever. Moreover, that particular disorder has far more strengths than weaknesses... So if you've only got the weaknesses? Misdiagnosis. Have to have the complete constellation of symptoms... Or you're differentiated out.

<grin> So knowing that I eventually go to a zero tolerance baseline, I am kind of curious when my sympathy for ignorance will hit its hard limit. :sneaky: We'll see.

 

[Fadeaway]

To me being cured would mean my past would have absolutely zero negative effects on me. That would mean a totally personality, behavior, thought process and belief system overhaul to the point I would be unrecognizable from who I am now. Oh yes, physical and health change's as well.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

They are doing a lot better and symptom-free long enough to declare "mission accomplished" but have used a poor choice of words

This would apply to me.

@Lucycat I've been there, I have declared "mission accomplished", even my therapist had declared me "mission accomplished", this was about six years ago. But the symptoms came back, and with a vengeance, and got way worse, pretty much unexpectedly. So when people come here saying that they are cured, I am partially happy for them, and partially scared that they're not.

The point is that even therapists can get it wrong.

 

[Friday]

@Radise... Yep. The cyclic nature of PTSD, learning of it rather, was mind blowing. Okay. This makes sense. A normal thing, not a failure thing. Something to plan for, and work around. We can do that.

 

[Rumors]

I like the term remission in reference to ptsd. However, even disease in remission requires medication therapy. In order to keep ptsd in remission, I would think you still have to work it like a 12 step program. I can't say because I am not sure I have ever been there, ever... I also think it raises the question about folks who develop ptsd later in life and have a pre-ptsd life vs. always having ptsd. The norm falls within the carrier. I don't know life with anything different so my perception of remission/cure could be variably different than others. I dunno... All I know is that I like to keep the crazy in a box locked up behind bars however I can make that happen. I never see it as gone forever bc it usually gets paroled and finds me, but if I could ever lock it up for life, I can assure you that I will let you know!!!

 

[rightkindofme]

Eek, @Rumors, some of us feel almost allergic to 12 step programs. ;) I hope I don't have to deal with my PTSD that way. :D

I would like to be able to react to my life right now instead of reacting to my life 20+ years ago. My life today is so flipping good. I am so blessed to be where I am today. I am loved and cherished. It's wacky. I have a husband and two adoring children. The three of them act like I am the best thing since sliced bread. They don't think I'm perfect--they just think I'm worth forgiving for my mistakes.

I wish I could stop feeling like it will all end any minute and I will be beaten and raped and kicked out to be homeless again and and and.... I don't know how to feel ok with my current food security. I don't feel secure. I have weird eating habits I'd like to fix.

I would like to be in less physical pain. I'm not sure how to help that. I'm not even sure if it is PTSD related. I strongly suspect I will end up with a fibromyalgia diagnosis given how much ambient pain I feel. I don't know if it is connected but I don't know that I will ever feel "cured" until I am in a more manageable amount of pain.

 

[The Albatross]

For one off traumas... maybe some are "cured" or have long stretches (or anticipate them) that seem or do support this statement. After all only time will tell?

Though at first I hoped that this would be me when I arrived here, I do not particularly think so anymore considering the scope, duration, and sheer number of traumas and re-traumatization. So I'm just considering it a remission of sorts for now, an easing of the symptomology and an improved sense of day to day competency combined with the ability to experience some "happy" and other emotions that are or were out of my reach when symptomatic.

 

[Ronin]

I've had years I was 'cured', it was just (guilt over this or that action. Regrets. At the time fatique. Needing space. Whichever I was on at the time-side effects). All just so well natural and so well me and so well everything denial. Blessed be all the people that returned me back to the ground and pointed out where I'm consistently badly adjusted in and it doesn't just go if I declare it a 'part of me'.

Also super grateful to @anthony for writing the articles he's written, because they were one of these things my teachers so pointed to me, when I wouldn't believe /them/. A-ha. Lightbulb. Not only I wasn't a special snowflake who just needs to suck it up, some people are brilliantly coherent about the issues I'm not.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I do not believe that in a cure that goes on the rest of my life. For now I am stable and calm. I sleep good and I feel good most of the days but I still have my bad days but they are coming fewer and fewer now. I expect it to rear its ugly head again in my life when I am on the dark side of the healing cycle. But I will keep pushing forwards.

It is so much better today than it was thirty years ago.

 

[TonyG]

I am the best I have been for a long time, anxiety is at rest and I feel really good, I still have flashbacks and trouble sleeping as well as the side effects from my medication,
People who see me every day say things like.
You look really good and it's great to see you past all your problems.

The thing is it's still there just dulled by the medication, I have no emotion and laugh at things that would normally my me either angry or cry.

 

[Lucycat]

I feel stable at the moment, but even within that last night I exploded and went to bed in tears. Over trivia. That is the part I want to go. For the most part I am so much better, but I wish I did not trip up emotionally quite so easily.

 

[Lucycat]

Just as a side note - when you cure bacon it does not make it come alive again. It does not rid it of 'health' problems. I wonder why cure has a completely different meaning in this context.