I Want To Move Accross The Country & Need Insight

[falling_wave]

I have been in weird space doing better but feeling like any moment it could all come crashing down - like I don't trust myself or what I'm feeling. Long story short I have this strong desire to move to the other side of the country to hopefully help myself. I'll explain below.

I've been having a hard with my living situation. I moved in with a best friend/mother figure 6 months ago. Before that I had a terrible roommate for a very short period of time and before that I had my own place for a couple of years. It was just too expensive and I was too lonely. Before that I never stayed in one place for long and I hate moving so it's been a struggle. Anyway, it was so great at first but as living together tends to do it changed our friendship. I feel hurt and rejected constantly and either she doesn't know or doesn't care. I tend to think the latter but yet she been there for me through the ups and downs of life for a long time. It's my longest ever friendship at 8 years. I respect her and I love her which makes the pain worse almost unbearable at times. Also my other close friend nearer to my age and my only other friend got a job offer out of state. She took it and is leaving so now I have this friend I'm living with but I'm not happy and there's not much there at the moment. Maybe it will come back or maybe it wont.

That's where I am and my T is trying to build my courage to leave because it seems this is holding me back when other areas in my life are moving forward. I get what she is saying but I just could never leave and be close by. She would cut me out of her life and I feel like my heart could actually tear apart. It sounds dramatic but that's the depth of that pain. I love her regardless and Ivery lost so many people so I know from experience driving by where I have memories or doing things we did together - I wouldn't be ok.

I went accross the country at 17 and I never liked it here but I managed. I always felt like it was a bit of a sacrifice but I made it work. I was thinking I want to move to chicago but I don't know anyone there. I love it there in my mind but there are two things. I would be so alone. If anything went wrong there would no one who knew me or cared to turn to. The other I would need to end with my T which scares me probably the most.

I don't know if this is a good idea or a way that I am seperating myself from experiencing pain and loss to cope and will backfire on me. I'm kind of scared.

 

[darrenS]

I was thinking I want to move to chicago but I don't know anyone there. I love it there in my mind but there are two things. I would be so alone. If anything went wrong there would no one who knew me or cared to turn to. The other I would need to end with my T which scares me probably the most.

Just on these facts alone , i would reconsider - moving as a reaction will possibly not bring good results in your current state . If you plan a move there are several things you can do to possibly alleviate some stress, but if your lonely and dont know anyone, then its a possible recipe for disaster. I have moved several times and the hardest part is the loneliness and not knowing anyone.

You also have to consider if you move in a vulnerable state you will attract the wrong people around you (predators smell vulnerability and weakness), as your need to alleviate your loneliness can lead to you dropping or not considering what are red flags in normal circumstances. It takes a while to start developing strong friendships , sometimes it can take a couple of years just to develop the groundwork.

Also theres a good chance with a new environment that your symptoms may be triggered and the loneliness only compounds it.

If you do it, do it for the right reasons and with some solid plans in place , job , support group possibly, therapist and so forth.

I am sorry for being so negative about this , but remember moving is actually considered a major stressor , add PTSD to this mix and you may possibly have a rough road to travel

 

[Digz]

It's a hard decision, but I think it is probably best to be where there is some support for you. PTSD is hard enough at times with others to support you, but alone it is almost unbearable.
The other thing to be careful of when you have PTSD, I think, is to make sure it's not a kind of 'flight' reaction. My brain often used to tell me to go - travel, move somewhere else - anywhere but here. It was that old triggering, 'get the hell out of here' story, which of course won't change in another place.

 

[falling_wave]

The other thing to be careful of when you have PTSD, I think, is to make sure it's not a kind of 'flight' reaction.

I know that my flight reaction kicks in. If I am immediately threatened I freeze (either can't do anything or physically can't move or speak) and if I'm really scared I tend to put everything I can into escaping it. I only just realized I was doing that today after all week of researching chicago and thinking about in depth. I felt better and enjoyed my weekend before it hit. The thing that terrifies me is that besides my T I really am all alone even here where I've been the last 8 years. It feels really really empty and it's hard to know what to do with that. I appreciate you both giving me perspective because it's hard to judge what's symptoms and what's not when it's going on.

 

[Digz]

Have you considered how you could go about expanding your network, meeting new friends where you are, while you have the support of your T? It might be an easier thing to do with support, rather than in a new place, without support.

 

[shimmerz]

That's where I am and my T is trying to build my courage to leave

I am surprised about this. I don't know if this should be a t's job.

 

[Digz]

Yes, sometimes that can be a T's job, depending on the reasons for it. I've had T's that have encouraged me to take paths that take them away from them, if they think that is what is most beneficial to their client. It's about encouraging them to take the next step with their life and not staying simply for therapy or unhealthy reasons, such as fear.

 

[scout86]

but I just could never leave and be close by. She would cut me out of her life and I feel like my heart could actually tear apart. It sounds dramatic but that's the depth of that pain.

This is your roommate/friend you're talking about? She would cut you out of her life if you moved? That doesn't sound like what I'd call "friendship". I'm not sure what to call it, other than unhealthy and kind of scary.

 

[Born to Run]

I am surprised about this. I don't know if this should be a t's job.

I interpreted the leaving as leaving the friend falling_wave is living with currently that seems to hold back. Not leaving to the other side of the country. Is this true falling_wave, because I was also not 100% sure?

 

[Born to Run]

Actually what you are saying is that you need to move across the country to escape the pain of leaving that person you live with. Personally, I see everything that happens in my life that causes pain, as therapy material. Would you be able to change perspective and see that maybe it is a good opportunity to work on this pain, which sound like an old pain, with a therapist you are familiar with?

 

[shimmerz]

I did move across the country. Actually across the country and across countries. With no support network it was both good and bad. I got away from my stressors (people), but the disorientation, the stress it put on me not even knowing simple things like where drug stores were, no doctor, no therapist, no nothing....well that caused a great deal of stress that I didn't have at home. I don't know that running away to an unknown with no support is a great idea.

 

[adriftatsea]

I would possibly reconsider unless you have a good support system where you're moving or a plan in place, etc. and this is based on my own personal experience. My sufferer and I tried to move across country and actually did it for a week, before his stress was just too much and he was sick (because his stress cup was so overfilled it was manifesting physical symptoms). We came back to our hometown and decided on still moving, but much, much closer.

If you decide to do this, just really make sure you have thought everything through because even as someone without PTSD, it was very overwhelming and made my anxiety go up through the roof.

Good luck with your decision!