My Uncle Is Still In Denial That I Am Mentally Disabled And Cannot Do Most Things.

[Queen Boudica]

And I can heal but I cannot be healed perfectly.

Good start yes you can heal, no not perfectly none of us can and no-one is perfect anyway. You work on healing to the best of your potential and you will find you CAN do more and more and you can earn money and feel more and more empowered and not reliant on anyone and your relationships with everyone will improve too, your depression will improve.

And yes you need someone to tell you the truth, not let you wallow in your own depression till it kills you and damages everyone around you who cares. Probably why your uncle is telling you as it is and then saying he has to de-friend you from Facebook as he can't watch as you do this to yourself. I watched my sister do that to herself, in the end no-one listened to her and she was completely alone. She got abusive if you even tried to help her in the right way or used all the emotional manipulation tricks to play helpless and worse. I note your uncle's words are not abusive but terms like asshole in response is a sure fire way of shutting out anyone who wants to help you and believe me you are lucky to have someone who cares enough to give you that advice. And a whole lot of people on here who get exactly what you are going through and have fought this demon so hard and come out better.

I tried DBT for 1 day. Couldn't handle it. It made me stressed out and I couldn't do it.

Of course it did. Life is stressful and the first time you try anything it is going to be really stressful. Life is full of stress it is normal. The more you try the less stressful and easier it gets. Might take you a long time but you have a lot of time. It is resilience. You get up you try again. You are learning to live. You need to learn to manage your stress that is what DBT is about, you can't learn to manage your stress if you give up on the first encounter of it.

 

[WildMermaid]

I feel quite dim for not having grasped the underlying problems in the original post. I thought the poster needed information about how to filter FB so that I what I responded to. Kristina find your passions and hobbies and jump in :) , there is no time like the present to begin. Also, as everyone has said it is quite important that you have a proper diagnosis so that you may start getting the help you need and can begin to find ways to make healthier changes. I too am disabled though lead a pretty active life even though I'm sick a lot. There will be rough days/weeks/etc. but with time and effort they will have less impact. As for exercise that can even be done in your living room. :) I use you tube and also workout dvds on non swimming days, just find the ones that are low impact and geared to beginners. A bit of movement in your day will do wonders for energy levels and attitude!

 

[Numbalina]

I know how hard it is - you need to stop seeking his understanding and approval. You'll just get hurt again and again.

@Kristina I too, have family like this. In fact, I just had to tell my aunt who slandered me on Facebook yesterday (I immediately deleted her abusive comment) and she started e-mailing me, calling me names and saying how I need to grow up and not blame everyone for my faults.

First off, I AM not blaming PTSD for my actions. What I AM doing, is trying to convey to people how PTSD symptoms affect me. I have delayed onset c & d. I'm a blubbering mess most days, like today. It took me telling my aunt what traumas I have been through for her to listen and respect my no contact request from her. I simply stated also, that I considered what she was saying to me to be abusive and causing major triggers to be hit. If she couldn't respect my wishes and see that I was being forward of my lines, she needed to stop contacting me for awhile. It wasn't helping me to get better.

You have to take responsibility for your actions. I tend to say and do things because I have trouble letting the consequences sink in And when something negative results from my actions or words, I numb it out because I've always numbed out the bad consequences. If anything, I need to remain focused and put myself in the shoes of whoever my actions might affect. Good luck. I hope you can find the strength to pull out of your helplessness. It's incredibly hard for me too.

 

[Suzetig]

. My fiance is getting a job as a manager at his work in 2016 after he gets some training. We are going to get a house together and were getting married in Disney World because I've never been there and I think it would be really kool to get married there. And yes, after we get the house I plan on staying at home all the time. Cleaning with the help of my fiance or husband. And I am going to be staying on my SSDI for the rest of my life. My husband will be taking care of me and fortunately he is not abusive.

I can't help but wonder what your future husband gets out of this? Marriage is hard work, even when you have two people fully invested in the health of the relationship it's hard and you barely seen invested in your own well being much less what you can offer to others.

If I'm reading correctly, you have borderline personality disorder and fibromyalgia, you think you might have lupus, PTSD and generalised anxiety disorder, none of which have been diagnosed, and you consider yourself incapable now and for always because you can't heal perfectly. So, for the next 60/70/80 years your husband is going to provide for you, support you, care and look after you because you're too disabled to do anything for yourself. And this is the guy you berated for not doing Valentines Day "properly". I can see why you want to get married in Disney World, you're already living there!

There's a model of disability that looks at recovery where people don't ever lose the disability but recover yo fulfil as much potential as possible, equipping themselves to live a productive life, in whatever way that means to them. For as long as you go around gathering up disabilities and disorders, diagnosed or not, while choosing not to engage in treatment nothing will change for you. If thats what you choose, then fine, but accept that while being unwell may not be your choice, how you respond to that is down to you. People here know its hard, I know its hard, honestly I do, but I won't pretend its impossible to get better or that you have no way of influencing the course of your life.

No one is going to give you a magic pill to fix everything, medication isn't remotely the thing that will help what ails you. Treatment is hard bloody work. It means finding a therapist, putting in the time, tears and digging in the sore stuff, it means staying with DBT although its stressful, it means doing work when you hurt, and when you're tired, and when you're so scared you can hardly breathe. It means accepting that perfect isn't your end goal, functioning is.

I guess you feel you're being given a hard time here, and I suppose to some extent you have been but that's because people here know its not easy and they care enough not to watch you throw your life away while pretending you have no control.

 

[ramacita]

I think you will find that in general most people who have never dealt with any kind of mental or emotional issues themselves, can't get it because they have a far different perception on mental illness than someone who have dealt with it. Blame the culture. You probably don't fit his stereo type of what mental illness looks like.


This one makes no sense to me. They don't diagnosis you based on what medications you are on. Medication is irrelevant to diagnosis. It seems strange to me that any professional would say such a thing. If they told you that you had PTSD and Anxiety, then that is a diagnosis.

I think what she means is that her doctor or therapist left it "undiagnosed" because there was no pressing need to get it on paper, and that possibly, an additional diagnosis might not accrue to her benefit. Diagnosis is frequently partly a tool to get insurance payments for treatment needed. For instance, sometimes health care professionals must make a DX when they aren't really sure yet what the problem is (but know the patient needs treatment) just so they can file an invoice for the treatment to the insurance company.

Another angle on that is that having more diagnoses on your medical records might not be ideal for your situation, so, if it is possible to avoid formally diagnosing someone, in some cases, a therapist might choose that option.

 

[moonbeam]

Another angle on that is that having more diagnoses on your medical records might not be ideal for your situation, so, if it is possible to avoid formally diagnosing someone, in some cases, a therapist might choose that option.

I am fairly certain that not listing a diagnosis on paper/making it official is illegal and can lose a doctor their licence to practice medicine. I believe it falls under the duty of care they owe their patience that they will record it even if its bad, because it means that they have it documented for current and future treatment options, as well as if the patient changes doctors the diagnosis remains. Intentionally omitting medical information especially a diagnosis is a serious issue. This is true in most countries including the USA and UK.

In the UK if a doctor thinks that the letter discussing the patients psychological state will be too distressing for them to read they can elect not to send it to the patient but have to fill in a special form and both documents go on the patients file.

It seems more likely that she self-diagnosed and brought it up to her doctor who either wouldn't discuss it or just said maybe but hasn't done a full formal evaluation/diagnosis, which explains why she doesn't have it on file.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@ramacita,

This person has been trying to convince everyone for months that she has ptsd, chock full of dramatic attention seeking posts and all. Little of what she posts points to a ptsd diagnosis rather it does reflect her borderline issues.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@ramacita I echo simply @Solara . This member has been questionable in there postings ever since joining this forum.

 

[ramacita]

@ramacita,

This person has been trying to convince everyone for months that she has ptsd, chock full of dramatic attention seeking posts and all. Little of what she posts points to a ptsd diagnosis rather it does reflect her borderline issues.

I hope Kristina can hear at least some of what you all have been saying as supportive. I perceive most of these responses as extremely supportive ones. But I sympathize with a) her initial reaction to her uncle's harshly worded missive and b) the deep desire to be acknowledged and seen at the level of pain where one is.

I'm not familiar with the history of the situation you described, but based on the one post I've read of hers, Kristina is in a place of "nobody understands". As others have said, "it is what it is". It can be a kind of self-sabotage, I think, which no amount of support will ever address. But sometimes just the right amount felt-empathy can make all the difference.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@ramacita to fully understand the grievance I myself and others feel regarding this matter you would fully need to read all posts made by Kristina. And have been present during the numerous times in chat when eventually the forum owner themselves had to step in as the situation had in fact escalated to that point.

No one denies Kristina has Bordeline Personality Disorder. Those of us with criterion A diagnoses as outlined under the DMV are in fact insulted by aspersions made in the chat room that there was no need for an official diagnosis because it did not matter. Uh sorry, yes a diagnosis does in fact matter. Imagine walking around telling people you had cancer when you were not diagnosed.

Laurie

 

[ramacita]

@ramacita to fully understand the grievance I myself and others feel regarding this matter you would fully need to read all posts made by Kristina. And have been present during the numerous times in chat when eventually the forum owner themselves had to step in as the situation had in fact escalated to that point.

I'm sure you're right. I don't fully grasp the bigger picture.

No one denies Kristina has Bordeline Personality Disorder. Those of us with criterion A diagnoses as outlined under the DMV are in fact insulted by aspersions made in the chat room that there was no need for an official diagnosis because it did not matter. Uh sorry, yes a diagnosis does in fact matter. Imagine walking around telling people you had cancer when you were not diagnosed.

Laurie

I'm not sure if your second paragraph pertains to me, but I didn't mean to imply that diagnoses didn't matter.