My Sister Tried To Kill Herself & Major Depression

[falling_wave]

Hi All, Im not really looking for advice. I don't think Im strong enough to manage it right now and my therapist and I have a plan for my depression that I'm focusing on. I just needed to share whats going on and feel like I am not alone with such a burden.

I am in transition right now with my living situation - again. My roommate decided she would just stop talking to me one hundred percent a few weeks ago. She was everything to me. I dont think Ive ever cared about someone so much in my whole life. Its clear that its time for me to go and so I have begun to look for a studio so I can eliminate the roommate problems and focus on my life and my health. I have tried communicating with her and I have told her my feelings to an extent. Im just not willing to become desperate or be taken advantage of so I have stopped trying now. The thing is despite knowing that I am moving toward something better for myself I have become so deeply depressed and so deeply hurt I can barely manage going about my days. The burden is so heavy emotionally and physically. I want to be home all the time but yet I'm worse when I'm home so I go to work but all I can think about is going home. Then its time for bed and I cant sleep to break it all up. I'm stuck with this tremendous burden all the time. I feel like I have never established anything or anyone and that basically life is worthless. I know it will get better again so I wont take any action right now.

Then as I'm feeling like this my mom emails me that my sister tried to kill herself by a massive overdose and was in ICU for many days. They didn't think she would make it. I'm usually really triggered by emails from my mom anyways. She is very narcissistic and lately i have put up boundaries with her so I honestly didn't know if this was true or she was trying to reel me back in with the shock factor. Either way it ripped the bit of my soul that is left and made things almost unbearable. Ive also been thinking about whether or not I would go back if there was a funeral or something like that really did happen. I told someone yesterday about all the confusion and I literally started shaking trembling all the way to my chest and I couldn't stop for a long time. I dont know why my life had to turn out like this. I work so hard to break out all the time. There should be a way out.

Now I'm spending Easter alone with all of this. I want to be in a coma or something and take a break from tragedy for a little.

 

[WildMermaid]

I'm so sorry for your pain @falling_wave. :( Those are a lot of hard things to mange when you come tumbling down on you. Are you in a relationship with your roommate? The silent treatment can be so destructive and the duration of that is disturbing. I hear you on the sleep front...Do you have a good relationship with your sister? I know it does not help much but I'm sending healing energy your way. :hug: if you would like one.

 

[anthony]

Either way it ripped the bit of my soul that is left and made things almost unbearable.

I imagine that would be so for near anyone. Sorry to hear that she tried and how this is affecting you.

 

[falling_wave]

Thank you.

Are you in a relationship with your roommate?

Not a romantic relationship but a long term very close friendship. I thought we had been through everything together. She was the one stable person through all the unstable times in my life so this is all new. The most disturbing thing is nothing happened. I have no idea what happened and she won't tell me. It's awful.

I'm so sorry for your pain @falling_wave. Do you have a good relationship with your sister?

When I lived at home and she was young I took care of her all the time and we were very close. I've been out of contact for a while because I would have to through my mom but I still care about her just as much. And the whole situation just feels so disturbing. And I don't know if I can trust my mom on this either.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Speaking as a Mom, I would never use email to deliver the news of your sister. Do you even know what hospital she's in? Big picture is that she is alive. Plenty of time to connect with her, but your priority right now must be managing your depression. It is insidious. Feelings come and go, like waves on the shore or trains. The pendulum goes back and forth, sometimes the arc is too extreme and we get sidelined by extremes in emotional states. It's a slippery slope. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Friday]

Advice to follow. Skip over until later :)

Spoiler: Advice

Cut your mom out of the equation. Call the hospital directly if/when you're ready for information.

 

[bipolarj]

it sounds like you hav alot going on. just one of the events would be enough to cause a struggle.

having a roommate suddenly go quiet would suck. my sister recently went quiet on me and I'm left flabbergasted and wounded.

suicide sucks too and would be hard, too, especially a sister. be strong mainly because you're worth it. i'm sure your sister can use all the support she can get.