Is It Sexual Abuse?

[Puwo]

When I was at school I was touched (genitals he inserted his fingers) by a boy a year older than me in the film room (where it was dark of course) This went on for about a year, I didn't like it but never told a teacher or anyone. Is this sexual abuse or is it classed as "child play"?
I considered it sexual abuse but have been doing some research on child on child sexual abuse and it has left me wondering if I have got it wrong.
I have been in therapy for this on and off over the years. Have the therapists been laughing at me because it was just child play and what am I so upset about?

 

[Hewu]

Therapists were laughing at you? That makes me want to vomit. They need their license pulled. How old where you, did you express the fact that you didn't like it?

If you were a teenager and never expressed distaste, and they were a teenager as well (example: you 16 him 17) he might have thought it was consensual. However, if you expressed that you didn't like it or you are younger, it was sexual abuse.

 

[Segogi]

It can be either or both.

It could be straight up sexual abuse / abuser vs victim
It could be normal childhood experimentation.
It could be normal childhood experimentation on one side & abuse for the other person.

Partly it's age (of both people) & partly it's intent.

 

[Lehodam]

Sounds to me like he had been victimized by someone else and was acting out on it. It doesn't mean that it wasn't wrong. He dealt with it by 'passing it on' and you dealt (from the sounds of it) by converting it into shame.

A therapist who laughs about such a thing should be shot in the village square. JMHO.

 

[Resasah]

If it wasn't consensual, it was assault. No question.

I don't believe therapists have been laughing at you - that is just your mind telling you stories. Any remotely adequate therapist would tell you if they thought you were over-reacting. What have they actually said to you?

 

[Cumiwil]

If it wasn't consensual, it was assault. No question.

That's your answer, from your perspective.

From the perp's perspective? Hard to say. If you BOTH had been interested and enjoying it, it would have been "childhood exploration" and maybe not a big deal. (I wonder a bit about his choice of time and place, but....) Without knowing how he saw the situation, there's no way to know if he realized he was being abusive or not. But what matters is that you struggle with this and it's a problem for you. If there's a problem, there's a problem, regardless of what led up to it. Just like, if someone gets off the couch and their leg "spontaneously" fractures. You don't tell them "We can't put a cast on that! You didn't do anything 'bad' enough to break your leg."

 

[Gizusi]

It doesn't matter if it was child's play or not. It was obviously traumatic for you. I had a similar experience as a child. The other child didn't intend to abuse me. I suspect she was acting out her own abuse but still made me feel awful about it.
I am shocked that therapists would laugh at you. Seek the opinion of another therapist if you can.

 

[Sesid]

I don't think the OP is saying that therapists did laugh at her about it, it reads more to me like she is saying she feels like they might (behind her back) because she herself is questioning the seriousness of it.

If it's had an effect on you, as it clearly has, then it is a valid topic for therapy. If it felt abusive to you then it is a valid topic for therapy.

The question that came to my mind was to ask how old you both were at the time? Not to minimise what happened but just because I'm wondering if he was old enough to understand the concept of what he was doing as abuse -makes no difference to how it felt/feels to you and doesn't change the validity of your needing to address it in therapy.

 

[Zeseho]

If it felt wrong to you, then it felt wrong to you and you deserve help to move past it!

Maybe the guy didn't know you didn't like it (in the absence of verbally saying no or physically fighting him off). Maybe he thought you two were just having fun? Is this why you question the child's play thing?

 

[Puwo]

Thanks for all your replies

I don't think the OP is saying that therapists did laugh at her about it, it reads more to me like she is saying she feels like they might (behind her back)

Sorry I didn't mean the therapist's have actually been laughing but feel like they may have behind my back, as above said it well.

I was 9/10 the boy would have been 10/11

I was a shy kid who didn't know how to stand up for myself, I guess I was properly an easy target. I do wonder what he had gone through to be doing what he did. I can remember trying to sit by others so he couldn't sit by me on the mat but he would always squeeze himself next to me. I used to sit with my skirt tucked under me but he would pull it out. Why oh why didn't I wear shorts or trousers so he couldn't touch me :(

I feel sick to the stomach that I have maybe being wasting my therapists time with what was only child play when other people have gone through much much worse.
I feel so lost and confused now

 

[Ada]

You haven't been wasting your therapist's time. This obviously had a huge effect on you and still does. You'll be better off going forward if you can deal with this and that's exactly what therapy is for.

 

[Imav]

It's not your fault. I was a shy child too and understand how difficult it is to stand up for yourself. I don't blame you for staying quiet. Your clothing choice is not to blame either. You did nothing wrong. I doubt your therapist would think was waste of their time. You deserve to heal.