Threats Of Physical Violence To A Child

[Hope4Now]

Thanks for your answers. I suppose I have whole new layers of childhood to contemplate on top of the rest. I appreciate the validation.

And this threw me.

There's a huge difference between rough & tumble play... Verbal/physical... And violent threats/ intimidation. One's fun. One's abuse.

Thanks for writing this @FridayJones. In a few sentences you just reframed a lot of stuff for me. The mean teasing. The mean tickling. The hugs that hurt. etc.

Suddenly, I'm beginning to believe myself.

I'm not sure if this is good or not. Makes me feel a bit woozy.

 

[illusionist]

I've seen this kind of behaviour given to someone's kid....the threat, the aggression in their face followed up by a sudden smile and " I'm only joking"..the kids face told me everything.........so, so wrong and I believe damaging. Why? Why? Why?......I did question it and got a shrug and told to stop being so serious. I even explained the dangers of doing it but seemingly I come from a different era, and I'm too sensitive.

 

[shimmerz]

I'm too sensitive

That's all.

 

[Friday]

And who KIDS about stuff like that??????

We do!!! We do!!!

"Whaddya want? (Left fist!) 6 months in the hospital.... Or (right fist) sudden death?"
"Sudden death!!! Sudden Death!" :D "Nooooooo. I want 6 months on the hospital!"

"I'm gooooooooooona EAT! the baby! Oh! I'm gonna eatcha!" Nom nom nom nom
((Shrieking, giggling, cooing))

"I swear to blazes you girls are on my last nerve! I'm gonna beat you with a wet noodle if you two keep that up!"
"On tooooooooop of spaaaaaaghetti! All covered in bloooooooood. I lost my poor meatball...":singing::singing::singing:

"I am gonna hang you by your thumbs from that tree..."
"Oh! Not upside down??? But you promised...." :arghh;
Sigh. "Fine. I'm gonna hang you upside down, by your toes..."
"Yaaaaaaaay!" :D

"I skinned my knee!"
"Oh. No.... We're gonna have to amputate!"
"Really???" :wideeyed: "Awesome!"
"... Now. Where did I put my hacksaw?"
(Giggle) "It's in your pocket!! No! Not that one, you other pocket! No! Not thaaaaaat one!"

Shrug. Families with no abuse? This kind of stuff is done in play.

Abusers twist and warp everything good.
I married one. There's not a thin line between love and abuse. But a damn chasm.
Might look the same from the outside, but the devil is in the details.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Thanks @Hope4Now and @FridayJones for the posts. I have some memories of inappropriate teasing or "playing" and when I got angry they would joke about me saying "You are always angry. You don't know how to play." It didn't feel right then and still doesn't feel right. More stuff to work on in therapy.

 

[anonymous]

My emotional abuse is 100 times harder to deal with than either the physical or sexual abuse.

Throw that sticks and stones BS out the window.

 

[Chava]

I think it really depends on your memory/experience of it and the fear you had. I was pretty numb when I was hit but remember feeling quite horrible to my core and scared when my mom was screaming. I think she herself was quite dissociated in those moments (her CSA seemed to play out as rage). So I she wasn't really there, and neither was I...lots of inner void connected to this because eventually I numbed out to that too. But I remember it being terrifying because you didn't know what would happen next. Once you are hit, you know it's pretty much done. But the raging...you don't know how it will end. Threats probably the same thing...you're left in limbo, in the state of threat.

p.s. (ETA): if theat didn't last long but was followed shortly by "just kidding" it's still scary and really confusing. Also, I think sort of perverse (can't think of a better way to describe it)...trying to elicit fear or a strong reaction in a child just because you are in a position to do so.

 

[Hope4Now]

But I remember it being terrifying because you didn't know what would happen next. Once you are hit, you know it's pretty much done. But the raging...you don't know how it will end. Threats probably the same thing...you're left in limbo, in the state of threat.

yes. this. think I'm still stuck there.

Thank you all again for writing your responses to this stuff. I think I have to sign off this thread because I didn't realize how much it was going to send me over the edge of freak. It's good. But really hard. Thanks all.

 

[Recovery4Me]

 

[Recovery4Me]

The wheel is also utilized in post #21 with the word for partner being swapped out with child/parent. It is very important that our discipline + actions do not groom our children to pick the same treatment in their relationships...be it significant other or a job. We can stop the patterns, one parent at a time.

 

[Hope4Now]

I'm back. Couldn't help myself. Thank you for the wheel @Recovery4Me I suppose if you substitute parents, I had issues with all of these slices of the pie.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Hope4Now ...:hug::hug::hug:

Very clear now isn't it. I know that it is hard to accept. IT WASN'T your fault, ok? :hug::hug: