When Is It Time To Go To The Er?

[desiderata310]

I've been getting less and less sleep for the last week or so. Flashbacks were worse but I was hanging in there.
Therapist reccomended that I stop by the Doc in a Box and get SOMETHING for sleep. He wanted to see me back on the blood pressure med that got my anixiety up but helped me sleep.

When I got there the person I saw didn't like the BP med and admitted he didn't know what to do for me but wrote a script- begrudgingly- for an antipsychotic because "a bunch of people had been in and asked for it" : Serequil.

Took it last night and slept. like the dead. 10 hours. I don't know much about those ten hours but I woke angry and depressed. I tried to go to work.

Got in and started crying and cried for an hour till I could collect myself enough to go home because my method is EASILY obtainable at work. I really really want to die right now.

I've texted with my therapist. He says its the lack of sleep and he was glad I got the 10 hours and thinks that the crying et al is the result of the insomnia not the meds.

I can't tell.

I don't know what to do.

I want to cut so badly right now but I haven't
Curled up in a half unpacked house. It's freezing here today and the house is an icebox because the heater's busted and I can't bring mysel to call the landlord

I jesus I want to f*cking dissappear off the face of the earth.
I'm thinking of driving myself to the ER. I don't know. I don't know what to do.
Therapist hasn't responded to my text that I want to die. THat was hours ago. I just.. don't know what to do.

 

[Changing4Best]

All I can suggest is don't take any more of that medicine. Yes, it is good that you slept, but at what cost?!? Is it possible to go back to the doc in a box and ask for something different? Let them know that the ceroquel most likely caused these feelings and you don't want to take any more of it. If they suggest that you go to the ER then by all means do so. However, if there is anything other than that med which they can do, of course I would suggest that you follow their instructions. I pray that some good comes from all this for you. Don't give up!

 

[falling_wave]

It sounds like it might not be a bad idea. At least you can get evaluated and find a plan that works for you.

 

[joeylittle]

If you feel like you can breathe through the sadness you are having right now and see if you can "turn down" the intensity on it by distracting yourself, try that. If you just need someone else to take the reins, try the ER. Tell them you were given seroquel for sleep, you just started it last night, you slept but you have been having intense sadness today as well as very strong suicidal ideation, stronger than you are used to.

You might be experiencing release from getting sleep, that does happen to folks. Seroquel usually has the effect of feeling kind of slow, or down, or 'off' if you don't take it early in the evening enough. It's strong. When I was on it, if I did not budget for 12 hours in the bed (that was usually 30 minutes to get to sleep, and then about an hour of hitting snooze), I'd be sluggish.

Again - if you can't distract, go in. But if you can, see how you do for an hour, then two. It's important to listen to your mood swings when you start a new med, but this might just be a result of sleep.

And keep writing here. Don't let yourself spin off into your head, if you can. Use the board.

Thinking of you

 

[desiderata310]

I'm trying.
Comes in overwhelming waves right now.
Today has been :
cry
cut
sleep
wake up
pet the dog
cry ...
repeat every 20 minutes or so

I have moments where I'm almost ok.
I'm crying and fighting through a not ok moment. trying not to cut anymore tonight.
I don't know if I should take more of that stuff or not.
I haven't heard from my therapist. I am beyond trying to figure this out. Just riding the waves. I don't think I could safely sit in an ER right now without ripping someone limb from limb. I'm vacillating between hopeless and utter rage.

 

[greenleaf]

Hi @desiderata310 . I'm sorry your feelings are so difficult to deal with right now. Meds affect everyone differently but I had a similar response as @joeylittle said to Seroquel, at a low dose it's not really for psychosis but rather can get one sleeping when one's brain has turned into a tornado... It did help me get some sleep a few times years ago. Sleep is a really crucial thing, and it can take a few days of regular sleep to get one's brain chemistry more decent...

Lack of sleep is really really terrible, but so are flashbacks and what you describe was going on earlier. Is it possible that the feelings of rage are more connected to the flashbacks than the Seroquel? It could be hard to tell, it often is. hmmm

I like the petting the dog part you mentioned... Can you pound a pillow too maybe, or do some exercise to burn off the anger; do you have something that works for anger that is gentle to yourself? I hope you can reach your T. No matter what, though definitely stay safe though, do what it takes to stay safe, so the ER comes before hurting yourself.

 

[desiderata310]

I know this is stupid. ...
I live in drought stricken CA and there's a small garden in dis-repair outside and the water timer just went off. There's water shooting in every direction, basically watering the walls and the fence. I don't know how to fix it or turn it off. I'm shaking

It's exactly 7 and I'm hoping this means that my therapist will see the text soon and respond.
Shit.
He responded:
T:"Sounds like shutting down might be good. Hoping abother night of sleep will help"
Me:":cry::cry::cry:"
Me:"K"

Going to get food and another pill and shut down.
I'm f*cking terrified right now.

 

[desiderata310]

@greenleaf Dog may be sleeping with me tonight.

 

[greenleaf]

Please hang in there, stay safe. I hope another night of sleep and maybe then something to release some anger? Will be thinking of you. Hugs.

 

[greenleaf]

@greenleaf Dog may be sleeping with me tonight.

Excellent. I will be covered in cats. Warm fur. I'm glad you have a good dog!!!

 

[desiderata310]

short update.
Rough night. Woke several times with nightmares. Had therapy this morning and therapist said it was mainly my lack of sleep that was pushing me into a bad place.
He said if last time was a 9.7 this time was a 10.
I can't remember.
*sigh*
I've taken more of the meds so that I will sleep today. I'm highly suicidal right now. I'm also beyond groggy and fighting it because I'm afraid of what awaits me in sleep.
I don't know anymore.I know I'm scared.

 

[The Albatross]

Likely a big stretch... but can you chalk it up to sleep deprivation and trust that your T is right?