How Do You Feel About Your Parents?

[linasmom]

I said something positive about my father despite the fact that he was in and out of prison when I was child and I had no contact with him. I love my dad and we are very close - I've forgiven him for the things he's done.

But I do not feel it necessary to find something positive about my abuser when there is nothing positive to say. I don't believe in "silver linings" and I definitely disagree that this would be considered negative thinking. It's the truth, I can't take away what the truth is just because it's negative.

 

[No-Twitch-Tabitha]

I have conflicting feelings about my mother; she did the best she could given the crap she went through. Even if she hurt me.

Dad...he's another story alltogether. I don't even want to talk about him.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I said something positive about my father despite the fact that he was in and out of prison when I was child and I had no contact with him. I love my dad and we are very close - I've forgiven him for the things he's done.



But I do not feel it necessary to find something positive about my abuser when there is nothing positive to say. I don't believe in "silver linings" and I definitely disagree that this would be considered negative thinking. It's the truth, I can't take away what the truth is just because it's negative.

I'm sorry, I didn't mention the people who did actually say something positive. But from my memory it seemed for every positive there was a negative following it, and I asked to post positives. But it's OK, I will try it again in a couple of months and see if I can only get positives.

In my second post I stated that no one has to do this if they don't want to or just cant. It's not mandatory Rachel, it was a request. I don't expect everyone to jump on board and find something positive, and if they can't then they shouldn't post anything. However, if they want to keep flooding this topic with negatives about their parents, then that is OK if it helps them heal.

Take care
Tammy

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Tammy

I take issue with your statement that no one ever says anything nice about their parents. I am always commenting about how wonderful my mom is, even if I sometimes grumble about something or other.

Now saying something nice about my dad is another matter. I have read all the comments and expressions of peoples inablility to say anything nice about a parent. I thought to myself---how could they feel this way about their mom or dad.

But when it was time for "me" to put into writing my feelings about my dad, well can't say anything nice. Sorry, I've tryed to think of something and just can't come up with "1" good quality the ass hole had.

But I have the best mom in the world and am lucky to be her daughter. While we have had our ups and downs during my teen years, my mom is a wonderful and caring lady.
She has been my emotional and spiritual rock through all my mental issues. It has been hard on her, but she has done everything she can to educate herself on my issues and is always considerate of how things might affect me.

I am very lucky that she is MY mom

I'm glad you have your mom too Grama Herc, You don't have to say anything about your dad. This post was a chance to see if anyone can find positive attributes in their parents. Most cant and they don't have to post here because it's not mandatory to do so. It was simply a request.

Take care
Tammy

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I have two awesome, loving parents and I love them both very much. Have they made some mistakes? Yeah...they're human...Are there things I won't frogive them for...not really...Do I resent the fact that sometimes my sister and I were expected to act like adults, and had lots of responsibility thrown at us at a young age (though not always)?...Yeah, I guess I do...Anyway...I guess I don't have anything really negative
to say about them.

I'm glad to have read this!
Thanks
Tammy

 

[mattrealm]

That they are not at all supportive, actually what destructive things they say, they can sit and call these constructed critiscism:

"Why cant you be like my other two wonderful children?" Real constructive. I believe you've(my mom) said the same thing to my brthers when they are stressed.

"If you keep telling counselors how you feel, they will put you away for good."

"piece of ****"

And so on.

 

[ebby]

parents...

I was drawn by the title of this post. Both of my parents are gone and i do miss them even though they were horribly abusive to me. I find myself doing lots of things they used to do. I have a huge flower garden and grow lots of lilies and roses--their favorites. I read constantly like my father. I have too many houseplants like my mother.

No matter what they did, i still love them. Always have, always will. Sometimes i think that if i could get mad at them, things would be easier.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

You started this thread with a misleading headline about how we feel about our parents, when actually you want everyone to come up with something positive. Then it goes to a very (very subtle) gentle type of judgment. Some of us really don't have anything positive to find. Many people tried despite the fact that they had really shitty parents. They tried. Can you not see the positive in that?

I realize you are only trying to look for positives and using this as a tool. However, why are you? It sounds more to me like the negativity about most people's parents has gotten under your skin and this is your way of counter acting that effect. However using others and trying to bend their answers to fit this is not fair.

Just my two cents.

bec

Your very perceptive bec, and I just realized this about myself today. I am upset that most people speak negatively about their parents.

However, I do want to state that I didn't intentionally try to mislead anyone. I might have done that, but it was not intentional. I thought I was doing the right thing, but then realized it was a bad idea when it got everyone upset.

I tend to read posts and not get the whole meaning out of them. Just like I re-read Grandma Hercs a few minutes ago and didn't realize the first time I read it that she was mad at what I stated. Now I see that she had a bone to pick with me.

I just don't word things correctly at times. I won't apologize for that because it is some type of ADD or memory issue?

What I'm curious about bec is why you question everyone's motives in here? Are you the moral police now? I've seen some of your posts that were intended to help others, but had undertones of severe anger "hidden" in the content. I know how to read between the lines too. (on good days)

I think it would be in my best interest not to start posts like this since I can't be consistent in my thinking. Do you feel better now?

Tammy

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

PLease delete

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I think that it may be a bit much to ask those who have been severely abused by a parent to think of something positive to say. While slightly neglectful parents or those who have used only verbal abuse may have some redeeming qualities, I believe that there are some things and some people that are 100% unforgivable.

Nic, I think you are correct. I thought this would be a healing tool but it seems to be causing bad feelings.

Tammy

 

[becvan]

What I'm curious about bec is why you question everyone's motives in here? Are you the moral police now? I've seen some of your posts that were intended to help others, but had undertones of severe anger "hidden" in the content. I know how to read between the lines too. (on good days)

Well a) I was in no way angry nor had any undertones of anger in my post. I attempted to be as gentle as possible. I wasn't questioning your motives, I simply seen what it took you a few days to realize, that the negativity got under your skin.

I also know how to read between the lines, and I know a getting even paragraph when I see it. You can be pissed at me or not, but next time just say it.

bec

 

[nic]

Tammy,

Perhaps, in order to get more positive responses, you could start a thread asking members to discuss people who have had a positive role in their lives.