You know you have complex trauma when......

[Kintsugi]

You know you have complex trauma when people start debating if it's worth it to talk about complex trauma and you feel like your whole experience just became even more insignificant than before, and then you're scared to talk about your worthless experience because you're supposed to be just like anyone else with PTSD, so what does your contribution to this particular thread matter?

You contemplate using the anonymous function and then you feel like a coward, so you don't, and you hold your breath when you make the decision to speak anyway, and brace yourself for the blows to your pinhead-sized self-worth.

You also add an emoticon, because you want to hide behind a few dozen characters if you're not going to hide behind a Guy Fawkes mask.

:bag:

 

[Biggirldreams]

If it makes you feel any better @Simply Simon....I am known to spend anywhere 2-3 hours just writing a reply text message...you can imagine how long an important email can take.
My Dad will ask what I do with all my time since things tend to pile up...."Honestly, all I do is work on things...never get a break". He doesn't believe me.

 

[RussH]

@Simply Simon You are so right! Sometimes I don't post things because I feel so insignificant and of no value, and I wonder what is the point? No one really cares anyway. ( I know in my head this is not true, but in my heart, that is a different matter)
It seems that long-term emotional trauma leaves a person feeling void of any self-worth, or struggling to see why they would matter to anyone, or anything.
I think this is one of the reasons I have been quiet on the forum lately; I have been dealing with these feelings, and the sad thing is; I don't really know why.

 

[The Albatross]

You know you have complex trauma when you expand your social network in real life by three but have difficulty adapting to the increased stress/pressure of interactions because it is exhausting and you spend a couple to several hours every single day to manage before you met them. A sort of odd blessing and a curse thing... the cracks start showing up fairly quickly.

 

[RussH]

You know you have complex trauma when you desperately want friends but will not take the steps necessary to make them, because they will not like you anyway.

 

[The Albatross]

Hmmm... I think I would do some investigation on that one. I liked you (and so did my mister) just fine.

 

[RussH]

@The Albatross I know, but this is truly the way I feel inside. Hence the long-term effects of my trauma.

We did enjoy ourselves.

 

[The Albatross]

My mind was an incredible liar and thief until I learned how to take over the conversation (David demonstrates this in Psalms 55-57 when he does it, "Why so downcast o' my soul?" and then he gives the remedy. I studied it in counseling with a mentor. It has been a corner stone of my recovery.

 

[The Albatross]

Study it with your partner... remember the context of what David was going through... it is tried, tested, and proved. I used to have the study on my hard drive but lost it when I switched computers or I'd send it to you... it's been long enough now I don't remember the author.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

You know when you have complex Ptsd when u e spent years of trying to build up your confidence and self esteem by doing something that your abusers told you was wrong but you knew deep down it was okay then after years of building the strength to do it and your loved one criticises it and your whole world collapses, because instead of trying to accept your loved ones apology for a simple innocent naive genuine mistake, all you can think off is how they could make you feel that shit again without even meaning to!!!! I know what I mean x sorry guys I'm just journaling to try and make myself feel better , to stop the tears and the pain coz I'm so sick of my ptsd, I just want to feel normal again

 

[shell]

Because you write a post, then delete it, because it doesn't help to change the complexity of what you have to face, to change who you believe yourself to be, into who you would like to be, if you even could see what complex issues you actually have, because there are just so many..

 

[illusionist]

You spend your childhood wishing to be an adult, and spend your adulthood feeling like the child.