How Can You Tell Intuition From Paranoia In Dating Relationships?

[iwannadeletethis]

@ThursdayZimBobWayz its American men!! They have a WORLD WIDE reputation for being scoundrels. Can you believe that? That's why I always rebound to Arabic men (it's my comfort zone.. My moms side is Armenian), but that's a whole other set of issues that I don't want to deal with. When it comes down to it, people are people. If the grass looks greener on the other side, you might be better off watering your own lawn. But it sucks. It sucks insanely.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It sounds like both of you have trust issues.....I'd say focus on that issue. But, there is something to be said for intuition. For me, intuition is more of a gut feeling whereas paranoia is.....a bit different. Intuition just is. It doesn't make me crazy because in my gut I know its true. Paranoia makes my mind spiral out of control. But maybe this is just me? With intuition, I can be sad or upset but somehow since I know its true, I don't go into overdrive.

 

[seedling]

I've found with work emails that women are way more likely to use smileys (some quite a lot, some only sometimes) while the men seem to be strictly business. I would doubt he's done anything to invite smileys. And if he doesn't respond in kind, it's likely it's just the other person's emailing style.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

It sounds like both of you have trust issues.....I'd say focus on that issue. But, there is something...

@itsKismet i know I do!! It's from years of my intuition kicking in, and I ignored it.. Then it turned to anxiety and paranoia. I broke my intuition. Lol. Even if it goes off now, my anxiety kicks in right away and confusion sets in about it because of tons of past manipulation. So I don't even know anymore. Any idea on how to straighten that out?

I've found with work emails that women are way more likely to use smileys (some quite a lot, some only s...

Awesome. Thanks @seedling !! I would've never had known. Women don't tend to like me and I only call businesses and I don't keep male friends. I appreciate your input!!

 

[ground crew]

I know better than to chime in on any of this, but I do agree that men are stupid. They are easily controlled by the wiles of women, but if mating were left up to men, the species would likely go extinct? and we do reflexively look at a particularly well developed posterior-but that is because all the successful progenitors that lead to us perked up at such a display! We know we cant have that, we made our choice and it is not a bad one...., its kind of a limbic system thing.... and sorry, for all the stupid men. We would stop if we could we would but wouldn't there be a lot of lovely ladies be very disappointed? How would the rest of the ladies know who to ... er... dislike?

We men in romantic relationships are playing checkers, ladies are playing chess.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

I know better than to chime in on any of this, but I do agree that men are stupid. They are easily c...

Huh. That's a great analogy @ground crew !! And it is because of tons of negative experience that women have a hard time with this. I mean, I really work hard to give the benefit of the doubt and usually get screwed over.

 

[ground crew]

I am the master of getting screwed, and not in a good way! I give up too much and demand too little, and when I get a backbone I get my posterior handed too me. But I must take my due responsibility, I stayed in an unhealthy relationship. My bad.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Why do you think that comes about? @ground crew

 

[ground crew]

Body English. How we carry ourselves is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, we communicate social status without words.Social status determins who may aproach whom on such maters.

My body English said "I don't value myself enough to protect myself so I will be a good victim." And hers must have said something like "I will tolerate you" so I pursued. How I felt about me is why I took it.

Oh, and she looked a lot like Angelina Jolie, at least the first exe....The second exe was less lovely but did have a law degree, I thought that might be a good thing. It was not!

 

[ihateusernames]

It doesn't make me crazy because in my gut I know its true. Paranoia makes my mind spiral out of control.

This has been similar to my experience. Some things I just know. And that urge to search and find out- something- isn't really there. In the relationship setting it's really more of a dread of when that thing will come to light because I already know it will.

To the OP, I'd suggest staying away from the iPad or even having your boyfriend take it with him or put it away somewhere you don't come across during the day. You will see the worst in everything that comes up. I'm not saying this as an indictment against you, personally. I have been there.

And things like smileys and semi-personal touches in emails are something that I do sometimes to build relationships with colleagues, clients, etc. Whether it's right or wrong, I find it easier to work through difficult situations with, and to have to rely on a person who is a friend-ish so my instinct is to turn them into friends. I've found I'm far from the only one. In my previous field many of us even kept up on social media. It's nothing sexual in any way. At least never on my part. I turn into a silent or stuttering doofus when I'm actually attracted to somebody.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Body English. How we carry ourselves is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, we communicate...

@ground crew sorry to hear about all that!! And I think your right. Body language will very much attract the right or wrong people. We're very primitive in that way. I really appreciate your impute. You've been very insightful.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

This has been similar to my experience. Some things I just know. And that urge to search and find...

@ihateusernames yeah, I think you're totally right!! I've just been with too many scoundrels who keep up the relationship like that just because the girl likes to flirt with them. It's like, keeping a bookmark in a place in case you go back to that book. Which tells me how seriously they took me. Even my ex husband.

But I met my boyfriend in a very confident stage in my life. He has the Midwestern values that I'm used to.. But in addition to my lack of confidence/anxiety (due to my unemployment) I watch him cringe when he sees me in my weak points. Which, sadly enough, I can see where he's coming from because I've done that to people. Its not good for my psychi right now. Because if we don't work out and I'm not making money, I'm on the streets. So that's a hard fear to deal with as well.

@ihateusernames and it's not just on the streets.. It's BACK to the streets. It's so lonely, and dangerous and I've starved for at least 2/3s of my life.. So that's a PTSD moment right there. I tried to talk to him about my PTSD .. And he's never been around it so it scares him.