Ivan the Elder
Silver Member
Hello all.
I just stumbled on this forum to see what other people with PTSD have to say about lack of interest in all the activities I loved to do. I was badly abused by my father when I was very young and still have memories of him breaking my shoulder when I was 2 years old. I somehow made it through most of my life so far without very obvious symptoms but that has now changed for the very much worse. My former wife finally decided after being married for 44 years that she just didn't want to live with me any more. I had a couple of hemorrhagic strokes a few years ago and that pumped up the PTSD a bit. I didn't realize that was going on then and neither did my doctors or my wife.
A few months ago she decided that she was going to do something about this but never told me what she had in mind. She told my doctor that I was going to kill myself. I am not the suicidal type even though I have had to deal with major clinical depression on and off for years. My doctor was required to get me in the hospital and then certified me so I was taken into custody and sent to a psych ward in another city. That place was a very bad place for me. Very long ago I had been mistakenly placed in an army "red line" stockade because my discharge papers had been lost by the army.
When I was put in the entry level of the psych ward it was the red line stockade all over again. That put me into military mode which is strict obey, ask no questions, do exactly as told, and so on. This was not a good place to be, especially when they tried to give me a med that could easily kill me because of my other medical conditions. Then while there I developed an upper tooth infection and they would not call a doctor to give me an antibiotic. It was quickly creeping up toward my brain and getting to the point where it was nearly into my brain where it could very likely kill me. They finally sent a doctor after five days of no treatment. He had to give me an antibiotic that was very likely to drop my platelet levels to the point of having another stroke. I have very low platelets because I was given Hep C by the US Army in '69 by an immunoglobulin injection. My platelets dropped to the point of very bad bruises and were getting close the the brain bleeding level. Again, one more way to kill me.
I also have a very bad form of central apnea and normally sleep with oxygen. They weren't equipped with breathing oxygen and refused to supply me with any. So then I was faced with the possibility of my sleeping oxygen dropping far enough to kill more of my brain cells.
While I was there trying to fight all these things with no control over my life at all my wife calls me and tells me that "when you get home I won't be there". We lived outside of town a fair way and I was not able to drive, did not have a running vehicle and no permission from my doctor to drive. She was going to do criminal desertion on me. So I had to convince her that I would move out instead so I could move close to the hospital where I have tests done every week.
While I was at the ward I started having nightmares from when I was a very young child. I also began to startle very badly any time they tried to wake me up by calling my name to give me meds that might kill me. Once I got back I had to spend another three weeks in the hospital while I found a place to live.
I now have an OK apartment and permission to drive again. I used to be a real computer junkie doing all sorts of CAD and Graphics art work along with a fully equipped machine shop. Now I have no interest at all in doing any of those things.I no longer have a machine shop so I bought myself a 3D printer and Laser engraver a while ago. I haven't even bothered to build them yet. I really don't seem to care at all what I do. I have no idea what is happening but I just can't stop thinking about all the crap that has happened. I unfortunately have a super good memory even after the strokes. It is a type of memory where I can remember just about every day of my life. It is now my former wife and anything to do with her that puts me into a major anxiety situation if I am even near her for more than a couple of minutes.
My psychiatrist and regular doctor agree that I have full blown PTSD. It truly sucks and I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. I no longer feel like doing much of anything. I used to be really active before my strokes and liked to design and build things. I couldn't care less now.
Is there any way to boot my ass into motion? I hate how I am now.
I just stumbled on this forum to see what other people with PTSD have to say about lack of interest in all the activities I loved to do. I was badly abused by my father when I was very young and still have memories of him breaking my shoulder when I was 2 years old. I somehow made it through most of my life so far without very obvious symptoms but that has now changed for the very much worse. My former wife finally decided after being married for 44 years that she just didn't want to live with me any more. I had a couple of hemorrhagic strokes a few years ago and that pumped up the PTSD a bit. I didn't realize that was going on then and neither did my doctors or my wife.
A few months ago she decided that she was going to do something about this but never told me what she had in mind. She told my doctor that I was going to kill myself. I am not the suicidal type even though I have had to deal with major clinical depression on and off for years. My doctor was required to get me in the hospital and then certified me so I was taken into custody and sent to a psych ward in another city. That place was a very bad place for me. Very long ago I had been mistakenly placed in an army "red line" stockade because my discharge papers had been lost by the army.
When I was put in the entry level of the psych ward it was the red line stockade all over again. That put me into military mode which is strict obey, ask no questions, do exactly as told, and so on. This was not a good place to be, especially when they tried to give me a med that could easily kill me because of my other medical conditions. Then while there I developed an upper tooth infection and they would not call a doctor to give me an antibiotic. It was quickly creeping up toward my brain and getting to the point where it was nearly into my brain where it could very likely kill me. They finally sent a doctor after five days of no treatment. He had to give me an antibiotic that was very likely to drop my platelet levels to the point of having another stroke. I have very low platelets because I was given Hep C by the US Army in '69 by an immunoglobulin injection. My platelets dropped to the point of very bad bruises and were getting close the the brain bleeding level. Again, one more way to kill me.
I also have a very bad form of central apnea and normally sleep with oxygen. They weren't equipped with breathing oxygen and refused to supply me with any. So then I was faced with the possibility of my sleeping oxygen dropping far enough to kill more of my brain cells.
While I was there trying to fight all these things with no control over my life at all my wife calls me and tells me that "when you get home I won't be there". We lived outside of town a fair way and I was not able to drive, did not have a running vehicle and no permission from my doctor to drive. She was going to do criminal desertion on me. So I had to convince her that I would move out instead so I could move close to the hospital where I have tests done every week.
While I was at the ward I started having nightmares from when I was a very young child. I also began to startle very badly any time they tried to wake me up by calling my name to give me meds that might kill me. Once I got back I had to spend another three weeks in the hospital while I found a place to live.
I now have an OK apartment and permission to drive again. I used to be a real computer junkie doing all sorts of CAD and Graphics art work along with a fully equipped machine shop. Now I have no interest at all in doing any of those things.I no longer have a machine shop so I bought myself a 3D printer and Laser engraver a while ago. I haven't even bothered to build them yet. I really don't seem to care at all what I do. I have no idea what is happening but I just can't stop thinking about all the crap that has happened. I unfortunately have a super good memory even after the strokes. It is a type of memory where I can remember just about every day of my life. It is now my former wife and anything to do with her that puts me into a major anxiety situation if I am even near her for more than a couple of minutes.
My psychiatrist and regular doctor agree that I have full blown PTSD. It truly sucks and I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. I no longer feel like doing much of anything. I used to be really active before my strokes and liked to design and build things. I couldn't care less now.
Is there any way to boot my ass into motion? I hate how I am now.
