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Survive Mia Moony
Last September I had an ear ache… a day letter I was found unconscious in my flat by the police, who were alerted by my employer as I’d failed to ring in sick (which isn’t like me) all I then remembered is waking up in ICU at my local hospital being told I had bacterial meningitis.., I started to improve but then relapsed and a few days later I woke up in John Radcliffe hospital, after emergency surgery for an infection in my brain… I was then told I’d had a very rare stroke, in my superior sagital sinus and I’d had a brain probe and it was touch and go as to whether I’d make it through… I made a steady recovery but after a few weeks of being discharged, I had massive survivors guilt and health anxiety… everywhere I went I felt the constant need to stay away from people and constantly using anti bac gel… I had constant nightmares (but no actual memory flashbacks) of what I’d gone through… I couldn’t comprehend why I was still alive… I’m anxious every day and constantly worry about infection… I had a massive seizure and the oxygen to my brain had been starved and I guess I’m lucky that I wasn’t left disabled… but the question I always ask myself, is why am I still here, when many aren’t… on a daily basis i constantly find lumps etc… and think if I had an illness, that they’d not be able to treat me… my dreams are always about my family saying there’s no help for me and that they have to let me go… them some are consultants saying they have to let me slip away naturally… I have fear all the time of dying… the faces I see in my dreams are distorted and almost ‘monster like’
I know through brain ‘injury’ that I’m never going to be 100% me again… I’ve used alcohol and wreckless behaviour as a crutch and I just feel that no one understands
I know through brain ‘injury’ that I’m never going to be 100% me again… I’ve used alcohol and wreckless behaviour as a crutch and I just feel that no one understands
