Want To Feel "good" But That's Creepy

[ghotiff]

If I've got my time zones correct, today is a new day for you. I hope your feeling better.

I know this is not the same, but it's rooted in the same thing ...

My child keeps asking "are you okay" Finally after this question was driving me nuts, I said "I don't know how you expect me to anwser that". My child said that they wanted to hear that I AM okay. This totally took me by surprise. It's hard for me to say I'm okay without a caveat of eg "within all things considered".

Point is, I've learned that I need to feel that I am okay, and that is all right for me to be "okay" without all the "it could be worse" type caveats.

Maybe in your better moments you could try and accept that you are okay, and that its all right to be okay. Just thoughts. Something I'm working on that I thought might be useful for you.

 

[Chava]

Thank you everyone!!! There are many hang-ups with feeling "good" or even "okay". First one probably the belief that I don't deserve to feel okay (I think I've mostly moved beyond that, not totally). Then also, as soon as I'm feeling okay, healthwise, I start to feel more emotions, particularly anger lately. If I'm beating myself down, in a lot of pain, or otherwise suffering, I'm just focused on surviving and everything else gets pushed back. Really being alive seems to mean learning how to manage the range of feelings. Worked with just a bit of anger in therapy and safety stuff today.

I bought more alcohol but dumped it down the sink. It was some really disgusting smelling shit and I started feeling scared and remorseful about putting that in my body...so actually had to tell myself I don't have to!! YOU CAN DUMP IT AND DO SOMETHING ELSE AND NOT BE AFRAID MAYBE YOU'LL DIE THIS TIME (I add it to sleeping meds, cigarettes, nicorette, sometimes Listerine...make more and more horrible choices as I get drunk). Anyway, I need a different plan for tonight. I don't want to drink, but I need a plan. I'll go for a walk and think about what I could do later to keep myself safe and sane.

 

[ghotiff]

How about collecting a list of activities that you can choose from each time you feel drawn to drink. Maybe your plan is that you have to choose 5 things from your list each night.

Mine might be:
Drawing, knitting, walking, cleaning, shower, bubble bath, sewing, coloring in, gardening, reading exercise, and calling a friend, posting here, Jigsaw puzzle, baking.

Hope that helps.

 

[Stickler]

I am a DID person, but a sort of mildish, co-conscious type...most of my people stay " voices in my head," so...sometimes just asking those voices why they need to do what they feel the need to do is important?

...There is a technique to fight them though. You reply, by rote, in statements that are opposite and positive to what the negative voices say.
For instance, you hear: " you are worthless and you deserve to die!" from inside your head.
So you reply by rote, " I am worthy and I deserve to live!"

And so forth.

It sounds stupid, or at least it did to me? but it works over time.

My mean, persecuting voices and yours are just results of bad brainwashing. So if you re-brainwash yourself correctively, it does help?
It won't make you feel wonderful ( or lead to prosperity), but it makes the nasty voices a lot less prevalent over time.

 

[nessa3]

I "recovered" from cutting and switched to alcohol. I recovered from alcoholism and switched back to anore...

Me too..had a really bad therapy session last week, almost quit, then had a great one this week...that was a few days ago...know feel like a shitty mess...hate feeling bad but afraid of the good...waiting for the nest thing to come around the corner....and hate it when I feel so messed up in my head,emotions...life sucks..

 

[Deleted member 29961]

I bought more alcohol but dumped it down the sink.

First of all, good job!:tup: the alcohol only delays the inevitable, sooner or later we need to face our demons, I know its not easy, it hurts, it sucks, its not fair, but that is life for some of us. We are all rooting for you because we know you can do it!

 

[Chava]

waiting for the nest thing to come around the corner

I notice this sometimes...the anxiety of apprehension, waiting for something to go wrong or overwhelm me. I'm doing whatever I can reasonably do to just be more okay in the present (not "good", but okay, which is a step up because I used to only feel right if I was suffering)