No One Knows I'm In Therapy - Therapist Wants Me To Tell

[jandal]

Hi

I've been in therapy for 6 months now, I have PTSD and experience anxiety on a day-to-day basis.

My issue is only my therapist knows i'm in therapy. She has known this from the beginning of my treatment and I have explained that my reason for not telling anyone is that I do not feel that I have anything to gain from sharing my childhood and my current struggle with anxiety with anyone and I feel it may make me feel worse for others to know and treat me differently. I also grew up very independent and frequently needed to keep things secret so this is the way I handle things - I handle problems mostly on my own.

Anyway, now and again she would comment on the fact that no one knew I was receiving treatment but for the last 3 sessions she has been trying to strongly encourage me to tell one person about the fact that I struggle with anxiety (she calls it acute anxiety) - it feels like she has been pushing me despite the fact that I keep saying I feel I have nothing to gain. She has also raised the question of how would I cope if I didn't have her to come to - I said I might struggle for a while but would cope and I feel I would. After our last session I felt angry that she keeps pushing this and I wonder is she feeling the pressure of being the only one to know my story and symptoms. I feel like leaving therapy and now feel wary of her as I do not feel that needing to telling someone is motivated by my interests but by her own sense that other people need to know for my safety ( I think she's concerned about my anxiety) and her peace of mind.

I have a session tomorrow so any views would be appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I don't think she should be trying to get you to tell when you really don't want to and feel it would not benefit you. If she continues to suggest it, you might need to be firm and explain you really don't want to. You shouldn't be feeling pressured by her like this. Does it make you want to try a different therapist?

 

[Deleted member 29961]

It could be that she is trying to get you to develop a support system so when things get a little tough you have other resources to call upon to help out.

 

[jandal]

I think she thinks that other people knowing whats going on with me would make me less emotionally isolated, which I am, but I don't mind that (its what I know) and i'm not sure that someone else knowing would help at all. It's really what she wants and I wonder if its what I should want but I keep coming back to I do not feel I have anything to gain so why would I make myself more vulnerable.

 

[Deleted member 29961]

I think she thinks that other people knowing whats going on with me would make me less emotionally isolat...

I hear you and I understand, I felt the same way at one time. I guess the only thing I can say at this time is to tell her once again that you do not see a need to share and maybe ask her not to bring it up any more.

 

[jaccat]

Do you have anyone you have that kind of close relationship with? It may be she is trying to get you to build a support system, but if she's alienating you in the process it's not going to help. Have you told her the way it's making you feel?

Barely anyone knows I'm in therapy. The ones I have told, I told when I was ready, and in some cases that has taken more than a year. If you get pushed into telling I can't imagine it's going to help anyone.

 

[Deleted member 29961]

@jaccat brings up a valid point, if you are going to share, it has to be done on your terms.

 

[Justmehere]

I do think eventually it would be a good idea to let a safe friend know that sometimes you feel anxious, or nervous, but it seems clear like you are not ready to do that.

In my offline relationships, handful of people know I have anxiety, only two people know I have PTSD, and only one of them knows I'm in therapy.

It's tough to tell people. It's worth it, but it's also valuable to wait until you are ready. Vulnerability feels extra risky for people with PTSD, and it makes sense you fear being vulnerable with other humans when your trauma came at the hands of humans.

I hate being vulnerable. I'm fiercely independent myself. For me, it's been a long slow process to learn to reach out.

I encourage you to tell her to not keep bringing it up at every session. But, I also encourage you to talk with her about other possible ways to address whatever concern she has that is driving her to ask you to reach out. It sounds like she could be feeling like you need more support than what she alone can provide - and that's really common and normal for many PTSD sufferers to need more of a support system than just single therapist. It's actually normal for most humans to need a support network for when times get tough.

Maybe doing something like adding group therapy would be an option to connect with others in addition to your therapist, but to do so in a safe therapeutic environment.

I also want to point out that you did tell us. Sure, it's an online forum, and we don't know who you are, but you did reach out here. That's a big step for someone who has never told anyone outside of your therapist that you are struggling.

Maybe you could tell her that you did connect with people online? You wouldn't have to say anything more than an online group of people - i.e. something vague. It's not the same as getting support in person, but it is a step to share with other human beings what you are going through and broaden your support.

Learning that it's ok to be vulnerable and ask for help and support is actually part of the process of recovering from trauma. It's also something that has to be handled with care, and I can really relate to how much you are not ready to reach out to friends.

I hope you and your therapist can keep working together to find a way to get more support in other ways that you are ready for.

 

[joeylittle]

I think she thinks that other people knowing whats going on with me would make me less emotionally isolated, which I am, but I don't mind that (its what I know)

Just because it's what you know - that doesn't make it healthy.

 

[Seasounds]

Mark Sehl, psychoanalyst/psychotherapist, on U Tube, has info about what a good therapist and therapy session are. Just search those terms. You may find it helpful.

I like to work with therapist who let me open at my own speed. Otherwise it feels like they are trying to have me live out their agenda.

You may have important experiences that cause you to not share with others. Those reasons are important to explore in your own time.

A proding therapist, for me, just creates a bigger wall. "Proding and Pushy" are styles that I experience as re- traumatizing and disrespectful.

 

[Friday]

so why would I make myself more vulnerable.

I'm not a fan of vulnerability.

Typically, when I'm considering doing something new? Especially in regards to people? I don't experiment on the people I actually care about or have any influence in my life ;) With my wanderlust I've taken this a bit further, in not experimenting anywhere near where I live. When that option (changing cities, or even changing countries) isn't available? There are still multiple ways to not shit where I eat.

That way, I can try it out relatively safely. If it goes badly? I'm not particularly bothered. No great loss, and I learn more from my failures than my successes most of the time, anyway.

If it goes well? I like the general results? I can start bringing those results "home".

That's the benefit of time; the chance to be a control freak :D If I'm in crisis? Pfft. Anything goes. Too late for subtlety, or diplomacy, or tactics. Doing things on purpose? Gives us choices. Like seeking out therapy before we're arrested, or building a support structure before we need it.

Doing things completely differently? Experimenting? I have made some marvelous friends, become a very different person than I once was. People I originally didn't care a whit about, have become very dear to me. None of this would have happened if I'd kept the status quo. If I want things to be different? I have to do things differently.

 

[Amalia]

seems to me there is a balance to be struck. It is important to have and build a support network - this is healthy. But it`s also healthy to do so at your own pace. There seems to be little knowledge of the reasons behind the insistence to tell others in the `real world` so this may be a good place to start? Having other perspectives is also good material to work with in recovery and bring to therapy. I need `reality checks` often so I know what is `really` going on and not just the result of my distortion.

But you def shouldn`t be pressured into doing something you don`t want to do until you`re ready. Hope it goes ok x