Why Didn't I Remember That?

[shimmerz]

I had flashbacks last night. Been a long time since they have been so intense. A picture of a person over and over again. It was relentless. Anyway, that isn't the idea behind this post really.

The thing is, it was a significant event in my adult life. It happened around the same time my 'house of horrors' event happened (in diary), but I have to say, I was really struck by the fact that I hadn't remembered or linked this event to trauma at that time. Here I am, almost a decade later and I am finally understanding that this was a significant event that has helped to 'ruin' (if I want to go dramatic) my life these last 10 years or so.

Does anyone else remember stuff in flashbacks that makes them shake their heads in wonderment as to how they could have possibly forgotten it? I mean, I get that flashbacks to young years can be a revelation - but seriously - something that happened - that was significant - and it just occurred to me last night? It seems messed up to me.

 

[City Slicker]

Yes I relate to this.

I always thought it was because as I 'grow' and process my understanding of things I require different access to events that I haven't actually 'forgotten', I just haven't needed to remember ... until I need to access that event for some reason.

I do a lot of distance running and I have had a few of those moments when suddenly I have remembered something and stopped to a standstill shaking my head that I am now remembering wherever event it is.

Yes, the mind is ... an interesting place lol.

 

[WillyKat]

I've had that same experience myself. The worst memories come back when we're in a similar state to the trauma, like during a flashback.

So says the research I've done. Traumatic memories aren't stored in the brain the way, say, a trip to the zoo is stored. The storage of trauma memories is more physical and involves different parts of the brain that handle fear, raw emotion. So it's usually when we're back in those states that the pictures, fragments come back.

Until we start to heal that is. Then, the memories come from one part of the brain, get processed like a normal memory either during therapy or when we're strong enough to handle it. Hence, sometimes we know something happened but don't really grok it's significance right away.

 

[Gadgie]

Yea, when I get my flashbacks, it's like the event happening all over again. This mostly happens in my nightmares, but can happen when I'm wide awake?

It can be anything from a sound, like a song, or a sudden bang, or it can be a visual thing, something I see can suddenly send me back, to an event that I would rather forget altogether!

Even a smell, can send my mind back in time, that's when I drift off in a day dream, where no one can reach me, it's embarrassing really as folk think I'm being ignorant by ignoring them.

 

[PTSDsirv]

Yes, at least in my experience flashbacks happen all the time when I am awake. The triggers can be all the things you mention. My reaction can vary, but definitely I am in survival mode to some degree--shortness of breath, racing pulse, ringing in my ears, etc. If the stress is particularly high that triggers the flashback and I feel trapped, then I dissociate or go to another place similar to the day dream you describe. Sometimes memories can disturb me enough that I'll go for a walk, yet almost feel like I am seeing the world around me in a dream sort of haze. My research tells me this is also a kind of dissociation. I am now in therapy for the first time trying to figure out what these triggers are and more healthy responses. Don't know if I will get there, but I remain optimistic.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Interesting thread, the memories of the sexual abuse I suffered only fully returned last year when I was in a severely panicked state remembering my choking trauma for homework my therapist wanted me to do. The state of reliving intense fear brought back similar memories of intense fear that had been hidden for many many years.

Human mind is truly amazing :eek:

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I remember but do not assign significance.

 

[shimmerz]

but do not assign significance.

Can you expand on that @Junebug?

 

[Tinyflame]

Gee @shimmerz , hard to describe. Though I have had FB's & remembered things when I had them, & had a chance ('round 2') to feel what I felt then (I presume), this is different. It's like, sure, I remember this & that & that, but it like no weight put towards it.

Poor analogy (but I must go cut the grass! :) ), but like giving details to a cop & much much later saying, "they were wearing a name tag with (x) on it". Except it's not about details but huge events. And the memory of them comes & goes at will. Like saying, "well, there was a lot of stress. The bus was late. And (x) guy had the butcher knife to my face, of course. Oh ya. ". :rolleyes:

:hug:

ETA, it's also like it's 'there' (the memory), but there's just no inclusion of it other than being 'that' memory.

 

[Tinyflame]

Maybe it's some form of denial or blocking it out?

I do remember selective perception in one instance related to the original trauma- kept going to look at a T-shirt in a store (I hate shopping mostly) but reading the logo I could only see 1/2 the logo- til someone pointed it out, then I 'saw' the whole logo.

 

[Tinyflame]

It came to me @shimmerz , wonder also as time goes on, if it could have to do with knowing how we feel much or most of the time (we'd not feel 'it' if we could, but that's the equivalent of telling someone with depression or anxiety to just not feel it) but we know (technically) it's the past (at least per those memories), so maybe there's a carte blanche minimization by ourselves of all of it? And/ or too if we're so busy fighting fires daily it just goes off somewhere underground because there's no time or energy to focus on it?

Mental avoidance maybe.

 

[Mit]

I've had this experience just once. I was watching a television programme that triggered a huge emotional reaction and then brought back a memory from my childhood that was definitely of a traumatising experience. What was weird was that I'd never actually forgotten the traumatising experience, it was as though the memory had just lay dormant for years. Like you I wondered how I could have forgotten about it.