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Dom Violence Married To A Narcissist

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I_Am_Titanium

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I admit I'm nervous and a bit scared to post this. I have PTSD from verbally and emotionally abusive relationships. I'm in trauma therapy and discovered they were all overt narcissists.

I've also recently realized I'm married to a covert narcissist. He's much more subtle than the others were but more damaging in a way. He's very controlling and manipulative but he doesn't realize it. He wants to know where I'm at all the time and who I'm with. He tracks what time I use the ATM and berates me for it! He watches everything I do including when I go to the bathroom and how long I'm in there! He tracks my cell phone use and is always asking me who I'm talking to.

He runs hot and cold. One minute I'm his world and the next minute he wants me to leave because he says he's the only one who wants the marriage to work. He tries to get people to talk sense into me even my therapist!

He cyber stalks me and justifies it because he says he doesn't trust me. He says he wants me to be honest with him but when I am he blows up and I get triggered. It's like he can't handle the truth and is using it as an excuse to blow up at me. He even tries to get me to blow up and then tells me I'm unstable when I beg him to stop. He doesn't stop! It makes me hate him!

I know you have to "starve" a narcissist but it's really hard. He says I'm not communicating but how can I when he uses what ever I tell him against me? I've discovered he's now actually posting to this forum as a supporter to get sympathy. He says what he's going through is worse than what I'm going through. What makes him think that? How could he possibly know what I'm going through? It's the narcissim, isn't it? He's even posting everything I went through in my life without asking me if that's ok. It's humiliating to read what he's posting about me! But I can't let him have power over me! I have to take my power back and not let him have it!

He's doing a smear campaign with anyone that will listen and making me out to be the bad guy in the marriage. It's hurts! But I can't give him more ammo to destroy me. I'm not sure what to do anymore except find a way to leave. I can't stand being around him anymore.
 
You gave your own advice.

It sounds tormenting as hell, I hope you get away and find your sanity agai...

Thank you! It's been over a decade of hell and I've finally woken up. I am determined to find a way to leave. The trick may be to not let him know I'm on to him and that I finally see him for who he really is. I finally feel like I'm starting to get my life back. Thank you :)
 
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Get.out. As quickly as you can. And don't let on as the narcissist will starve which brings out the worst in them. Been there, done that, several times. It never works out well in the end and best it not work out for the narcissist. They have a way of rebounding that we don't seem to have.

Are you speaking to your therapist about this? Do you have a woman's support group in the area? Friends that you can stay with if things get ugly?
 
I am working on my exit strategy quickly. It's tough but I'll get it done. I also have young children which makes it more tough. I don't really have anywhere to go. If it gets ugly, I can call the police. Or I'll grab the kids and leave and find a shelter if I have to.
 
Get out. Go to a shelter if needed. Find your local battered women agency for help with court and getting settled in a safe, secret place. Don't put their phone number in your phone. In fact, get a cheap trac phone at Walmart for your calls. I think they're only $30/month. Be prepared to take your name off of credit cards so he doesn't bury you in debt and ruin your credit.
 
Thank you everyone for your support. This means a lot to me. It's wonderful to know I'm not alone or crazy despite what he's trying to make me think. I am strong and I can do this. My therapist has been a great help. I have started putting my plan into action. I will not stand for the abuse any more.
 
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