Frozen?

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

My therapist says I'm stuck in a frozen state. How does one find themselves stuck in a frozen state?

I want to talk I really do, but when we bring up some heavy stuff I tend to dissociate. My therapist notices this and either gives me space to try and bring myself back or he tries to engage me. I try really hard to bring myself back and sometimes I get really close to being fully present but than I can not for the life of me speak! I literally think over and over in my head, "Dragonfly, speak! Just say something! Anything!" I can't think of what to say or if what I'm going to say makes sense. I get so tried of trying to get myself to talk that I finally say to myself, "Oh what hell I have nothing good to say so stop trying!" Than I shut down and just don't speak. Usually go back into dissociating.

He says I'm stuck in a frozen state. What does frozen mean? Is this PTSD related? If I'm frozen, how can I defrost a little and connect?

I've been having the same issues with this forum, if I have something to say I'll think it or rewrite it over and over and than not post it. I can't talk about what's going on with me!!!!

How did you find your voice?

I'm scared to post this even. But I'm hoping it will help me to figure out a way to stop being so frozen! So I can fully engage in therapy and towards recovery.

~Dragonfly

 

[DogwoodTree]

I don't have the answers, but I am very familiar with the experience. Sometimes it helps me to think about all the money I'm spending on therapy (self-paid), or to think about how desperately I want to get through this and not keep hurting the people around me, or to remember how terribly awful I feel when the end of the session arrives and I haven't accomplished anything and I think about all the times through the week that I feel absolutely horrible and so wish for those few minutes in therapy back. But sometimes none of that helps and might even make it worse.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Your mind is using it's natural defense mechanism when your discussion in therapy is getting too intimate or painful. Have you ever been diagnosed with any forms of OCD? Maybe another therapist would be more comfortable for you, maybe a female.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Thank you for replying @DogwoodTree. All of those things cross my mind too!

I want to talk so badly, but the words won't come out. Every benifit of talking runs through my mind. Sometimes I can get a single word out although strained. But I loose it and can't speak! Even posting on here is extremely hard. I have deleted so many things.

I do want to break down these walls but it seems like I'm still searching for the right tools to use.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

No I have not been diagnosed with OCD. But I'm pretty sure I suffer from some components of it. My therapist has brought it up.

I have such an awesome therapist. He is the only one I could force myself to see. He was there for me right after I was raped, within the first week. we have truly bonded and I trust him... Mostly.

I don't think I'd ever have the guts to talk to a different therapist. At this point without him I'd just crawl into a whole and not reach out for any other help. I just wish I wasn't wasting his time with dissocaiting. I swear I try really hard to talk. I want to talk to him. I even tell myself that when it's happening. But the words can't come out. I'm frozen.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

No I have not been diagnosed with OCD. But I'm pretty sure I suffer from some components of it. M...

I asked about the ocd because your repetitiveness when writing sounded very similar to my ex. I am surprised that you can be so comfortable with a male therapist after your sexual assault, but it is good that you can. Maybe you will be able to open up more and express yourself in time. Best of luck

 

[DogwoodTree]

Well, another couple of ideas...do you journal? Try practicing getting the words out just to yourself when you're alone. Then each week, print out one or two things you've written and bring those with you to your session. If things freeze up, pull out what you wrote before.

Another idea...when you freeze, try to notice what you feel in your body. Where is the tension? Where is the heaviness, or the darkness, or the pain? And identify one or two sensations out loud...sometimes just being able to identify what you're experiencing and put that into words, even if it's just to say that you feel absolutely nothing like you're floating in the air (but usually for me I can at least feel the couch underneath me or whatever if I try to notice it)...sometimes that can help get your words flowing again, or at least maybe not feel so alone in that frozen state.

 

[Chava]

He says I'm stuck in a frozen state. What does frozen mean? Is this PTSD related? If I'm frozen, how can I defrost a little and connect?

I would actually ask your therapist what he means by this and how he sees it possible for you to come out of it in therapy...what he can do to help you. Write down the questions and hand to him if needed. I mention this because it could help him work with you better and clarify how this is approached in your therapy. I am not in a talk-centered therapy and if I can't talk, it's okay. But my therapist works to keep me connected to her and the present, vs completely dissociated. It doesn't have to be through talking. But usually she keeps asking the right questions or guiding me through where I am stuck, frozen, or getting sucked under. The process with your therapist might look very different, so it might be most helpful to ask him (even if in writing), how you are supposed to get unfrozen, or what he thinks the two of you can do in those moments in therapy.

Does he really expect you to be able to talk easily or is that an expectation you are putting on yourself? I've been in talk-centered therapies and been relieved when I knew my therapist was okay with me not having the words. Feeling expected to talk when you can't feels like a sort of abandonment to me. So first thing would be figuring out if this expectation feels like it is coming more from you or the therapist...and getting clarification from your therapist if unsure.

 

[shimmerz]

There is no shame in dissociation. I agree with Chava. Speak to him about what he means by 'frozen'. It can mean many things in this application.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Thank you @DogwoodTree for the pointers, I honestly do try. I usually have a list of things I want to talk about. But once Im stuck I can't even reach for it. I get to overwhelmed to do anything. I shut down. I do use bodily sensations and objects to bring me back. But it's almost like a residue affect... I still can't open my mouth. Maybe handing my therapist the list of topics would help him help me.

@Chava thank you for replying. My therapist does not put pressure on me to talk. Other than a few questions in an attempt to engage me. But than he usually lets me stay quiet. Not like he has a choice. I physically can't make myself talk so putting the expectations of talking on me wouldn't do much. My husband is the one pressuring me to talk. He expects me to. And myself, I desire so badly to express how I'm feeling, or what's going on. But either way I get paralyzed.

Thank you @shimmerz, I think I do feel a lot of shame about dissocaiting. And I will talk to my therapist about what he means 'Frozen'. Maybe my feelings of shame around it is what is making it harder to get out of.

 

[Chava]

My therapist does not put pressure on me to talk. Other than a few questions in an attempt to engage me.

Great...he gets it.

Trauma shuts down the verbal portions of our brain. I totally understand it being physically hard to talk, but also wanting to express something. Can you ask your therapist about ways to explain this stuff to your husband or how to work with times when you can't talk but feel pressured to (imagine that pressure just makes it harder)? Also, can you write or even draw? Or scribble? Or make any expressive hand gestures? Like signals to let your husband know that you are listening but need a little space and time? It might be more helpful for him to find ways to support you in coming back, whether that means staying close or moving away, touching you lightly, just talking softly or asking questions calmly without rush so maybe you can even answer with head nods? The keeping connected part matters, but it can't always happen with words, and maybe there is a way to help your husband understand this so you don't feel this unhelpful pressure.

Ditto @shimmerz there is no shame in this...it's incredibly normal with trauma. I'm glad your therapist understands and he sounds like a good person to talk to about this more so you can work on feeling more okay with your silence, vs pressured, which might actually help you notice ways out more smoothly.

p.s. "Frozen" probably means the freeze response (in traumatic situations we fight, flight, or flee, but if we can't do any of that...we "freeze"...which lends itself right to traumatization...what happens is the parasympathetic nervous system charges in to shut down the overdrive of the sympathetic nervous system...but both stay activated simultaneously. Some describe it as hitting the gas pedal and breaks simultaneously. Ouch. Anyway, that's also related to the dissociative responses).

 

[void]

@Dragonfly-Dawn

One question, go deep for the answer....did someone make you promise to never tell?

Let that question search you.

It could have been a threat "if you tell, this bad thing will happen" or just telling you that "we don't tell anyone this" or "this is our special time" "this is our secret" etc, etc......

my gut tells me there might be more to this than simple "freezing"