Regardless of not wanting to be sworn at for misjudging what you want to hear.... I will provide input.
Yeah....
I did not write this thread, during which I cried because it is a very painfull subject matter to me, to get laughed at and my issues ridiculed.
I'm not sure that you're being laughed at or ridiculed here, I think that probably it's more that this is relatable for some of us and all of the thinking distortions are a bitch.
Why the hell do you feel the need regurgitate that stuff, when in my post I clearly express that I do not understand it.
Probably because the thinking distortions and the symptoms feed on each other. It's hard to see that you're buying into them until you can see all of them, how they build on one another and then how your symptom set fits on top of that and further skews your perception. One of the best ways to become better and more stable is to learn to recognize when our perception is flawed so that we can work on readdressing the situation (to the extent that is possible) by not making it worse based on our internal landscape.
Are these distorted thoughts not about having learnt and having deeply, deeply ingrained destructive ways of thinking? Is me expressing that I feel trapped in one of those and want to learn more about it and discuss it an invitation to throw the same stuff that I am obviously stuck on back into my face?
They are about having learnt and ingrained destructive ways of thinking. The fact that we've learned it and it's valid doesn't mean we can't work to change it.
Did I fail to explain that I have an obviously distorted core belief, and see the worlds in shoulds and shouldnts, and dont understand how else to see it
No, you didn't fail to explain it. How would you like to approach learning how else to see it but to have suggestions of how to challenge that core belief presented to you?
Why even mentioning passing strangers? When there is no interaction there is no room for expressings shoulds and shouldnts, is there?
That's the point. To start seeing the full spectrum rather than a selective cut of it. No, there's normally no room for interaction between you and people you pass on the street beyond eye contact. But if you can start there, then maybe you can expand it: the hypothetical lady on the corner who you talk to on Tuesdays when she's out walking her dog also has never done this, etc. This is an example of the benefit of being really careful not to disqualify the positive: No, normally there's no interaction with strangers, but that doesn't mean that people in checkout lines don't ever give unwarranted advice, invade your personal space, etc. Being in front of another human being is an interaction. If it's positive, even if the positive interaction is "they left me alone" that counts. When I'm out on a run, normally people don't bother me. I've also been catcalled and harassed. I don't discount the fact that typically people don't demonstrate that sort of aggressive behavior. If I were to say they didn't count, then I could make myself believe that everyone on my runs is trying to harass me. When we're so locked in our own heads sometimes we have to start with the stupidly obvious and work backwards until we can start seeing in something other than black and white. Often the "I feel like everyone hates me, but people who don't know me probably don't" isn't as flippant as it is a reminder that probably we're exaggerating the situation. In response to "how was your day?" on bad ones I sometimes (with close friends) answer "well, no one raped or stabbed me so I've seen worse". It's not flippant for me, it's a method to myself not to catastrophize and to count the positives, even when they may appear implied. From there I can take it apart more logically and be more likely to get to the root of the problem instead of flopping down on the bed, declaring "I hate everything" and sleeping for two days. Another technique is to find a totally different interpretation of most of the knee jerk thoughts for practice. A lot of this, at least for me, is about cultivating the ability to choose from a variety of perspectives/interpretations of a situation in order to find the one that will cause the least discomfort.
You asked for help.
Can anyone help me understand what is going on? Because this hurts.
@FridayJones gave you their perspective, from what you had explained to us, of what is going on, what cognitive distortions might be present, some ideas on how to work on challenging them, as well as a list of the distortions with explanation. You proceeded to swear and to attack. Perhaps you can better explain what sort of help you would like, but I'm at a loss as to how we can discuss this topic without "regurgitating that stuff". It takes time. And sometimes it takes seeing a hundred examples and being called out on it hundreds of times. It's not fun work. But either you're ready to start challenging it and changing it or you aren't.
There's also a lot to be said in general for taking what resonates and leaving the rest. It's only my opinion, but I don't typically see people here being malicious and attempting to invalidate others. We're working in text, a less than perfect medium, and people can only speak from their own experience and share what they have found useful or true to them.
