Freezing In Therapy

[stillstanding2]

I'm sorry if I offended you @stillstanding2 courage is a choice. Affected by factors,...

Be assured, I couldn't agree more with your point. I'm not sure that "courage wanes as much as childish fantasy that everything will work out OK. I don't know your age, but I'm no doubt older. I was a baby boomer. Our parents had just won a war, following the Great Depression. Every cloud had a silver lining, the good guys always won, and "feel good" was the norm, at least until the Cold War panic. Children were expected to be perfectly safe.

It may be that a lot of our young men volunteered for duty in Southeast Asia, with false confidence that often was fatal.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm glad @stillstanding2 did not mean to sound discounting.

childish fantasy that everything will work out OK (wanes). I don't know your age, but I'm no doubt older. I was a baby boomer. Our parents had

I'm sure that is often so. In my case I didn't have that childhood fantasy, but I did have confidence as a child in my father's abilities. But his dad served in WWI at 14 & was mustard gassed, had cancer/ died young/ 1st surgery before he married my dad's mom. My dad was 16 when WWII ended but he tried to enlist- 4F with broken back & flat feet. But he took care of his mom & brother as a teen (they both died before he was 16), & his sister. Many of my mom's family in Europe (though she was born here) were killed during the war. Many died off early in my family, mostly cancer or heart disease, 6-30 year old range, I think only 4 made it to pensionable age to this day (& I am mid-40's- an old timer lol)- & my dad worked primarily in cold-war related job, so I knew even of the existence of the Red Button before I was 3 or 4. We never lived with a feeling of security & never with financial abandon, but we did have fun too & much good things. I was always afraid of someone 'keeling off, particularly my dad who appeared (& was in fact) very ill.

Anyway, sorry to take this thread off topic @watundah .. It is hard not to freeze. I guess it comes down to trust & trying. :hug:

PS @watundah, my I ask because I don't understand why, why is it important to come to see (notice) things internally, versus an outward focus? Thank you. :hug:

 

[watundah]

No worries.

We are outwardly focused when we are hypervigilant, shut down and out of touch with what our body is doing, how it reacts to our emotions, and we might not be aware of our emotions. I am no longer hypervigilant but after so many years of being so, I'm out of balance and focus on what Im doing and not at all on what Im feeling.

So to be inwardly focused, we are grounded, in touch with what's going on in our bodies, how our feelings are impacting it, connected.

I recently was talking about how I feel self conscious in therapy and read that that is the opposite of self awareness. Self awareness kind of or may be the exact same thing as inwardly focused. Im learning, toddling toward it.

Hope that makes sense. I never knew til a year or two ago how out there I am unless Im moving in some way.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @watundah , I still am not entirely sure of the benefit? Though:

.. I feel self conscious in therapy and read that that is the opposite of self awareness.

Do you feel self-conscious or eg shame? Would shame not be inwardly feeling, even if influenced by outside awareness (at times)?

. how out there I am

Yes me too.

I guess what I find hard to grasp, is if the feelings are horrendous one needs coping skills & abilities. Also, to get through most horrendous stuff I imagine we all had to suppress it. Maybe everything (too much) gets suppressed, until what we don't need suppressed gets suppressed as well?

Thanks for all that. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

..what our body is doing, how it reacts to our emotions, and we might not be aware of our emotions. I am no longer hypervigilant but after so many years of being so, I'm out of balance and focus on what Im doing and not at all on what Im feeling.

Oops missed this, I just can't seem to coordinate the two.

 

[watundah]

So I had a snarky day yesterday grumbling to myself about therapy and whether Im getting anywhere and lack of progress and feeling the urge to quit. Again. Like I said, that happens on about a six month cycle or when she misses a few sessions.

Then this morning I wrote a long email addressing recent problems, stirrings, memories, feelings.

Confused much? I think I just walked myself through my own mini breakthrough. What this means is...next time...Im gonna have to talk!

 

[stillstanding2]

So I had a snarky day yesterday grumbling to myself about therapy and whether Im getting anywhere and l...

Congratulations on your "mini breakthrough". Those are priceless. I had one a couple of years ago that changed my thinking dramatically about a "handicap" I was born with. By reviewing the first negative feelings I could recall, I actually redefined a problem I had overcome without realizing it. By realizing that can happen, my depressions have been briefer and safer.

 

[sun seeker]

Do you think you could say for him what he is unable to say? Could you explain his feelings accurately, or at least make a start?

I haven't finished reading this thread yet, but I have a suggestion regarding inner child work when it feels too dangerous or uncomfortable to do directly (I could strongly relate to not knowing how to answer what your inner child needs).

Could you take some of the sense of being in the spotlight off of yourself, and bring a stuffed animal to your therapy session? Instead of asking about your feelings or your inner child's when talking about something uncomfortable, talk about what the stuffed animal is feeling or what it needs. You'll find you will know. Just an idea.