Asexuals?

[JessNoOne]

I've been this way since I was young... I didn't know what it was but I've always been very attracted to people's minds.. male or female.. I tend to get into relationships that are extremely close.. like.. we have sex with one another's minds because we know each other that well. I can look at any gender and find them attractive, but I never have the desire to be with them physically. Of course, I have, and I will if my partner really needs it, but I really feel like it's self sacrifice. I'm not interested in it. I don't even watch porn. I've seen it a few times but it doesn't interest me.
I don't know if it's because of trauma.. but is anyone else like this? I love intellectual intimacy and I enjoy hugging and cuddling but just no desire for sex.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

Same here. Been that way for years, even to the point that the last thing I notice about people is their gender. Never been that interested in sex and just can't understand why everyone else seems to be.

There is a wonderful network called AVEN, (asexual visibility and education network) who may be able to help more.

If you'd like to PM me to discuss further, feel free.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yes, I understand and can relate to this but I only remembered the abuse last year so I'm still trying to figure it out, really messed up my development sexually (my mother was main perpetrator). Have you heard of http://www.asexuality.org/ ? (as mentioned by notsurewheretoturn). It may be helpful. For me, I think I have a long way to go to figure out what I want (I'm now 32). You're not alone :hug:

 

[JessNoOne]

Same here. Been that way for years, even to the point that the last thing I notice about peop...

just PMed you :)

 

[JessNoOne]

@Cj77
that's terrible. i'm so sorry your own mother betrayed you like that! i have heard of the asexuality site you mentioned but i haven't done a ton of research. i hope that you figure out what you really need in your life. for me, i'm okay with not having sexual attractions. it isn't something that plagues me. i'm so very sure that this is who i am.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Thanks @icarusa, I often view it (sex) as rather a waste of time and I think tv has a lot to answer for, constantly making it seem like it should be the norm. I am still not convinced it's a thing that should be done so regularly, or even at all, if the couple aren't trying to get pregnant. I am glad you are happy being asexual. I hope I can eventually figure out what I want.

 

[JessNoOne]

Thanks @icarusa, I often view it (sex) as rather a waste of time and I think tv has a lo...

Exactly... people always say "asexuality is abnormal because the human race would die out!" but I WOULD have sex to have children if I wanted children... I think people having sex five times a day is insane... If their argument is that sex is for reproduction... exactly how many children are they trying to have? lol

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

If people are only having sex for reproduction, why do we have contraception?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Lol! Very true. I don't view asexuality as abnormal at all and actually think it's more important to connect with others in non sexual ways. It is better and more meaningful, spiritual, even. It feels more complete if you know what I. mean. I think we're still stuck in a patriarchal world and I'm not going to be used for something they could actually do themselves, really! I am not sure contraception is even SUPPOSED to exist... I'm not religious by the way.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

I have my own religion so to speak, certainly not a Christian one, lol. I think sex has a lot to do with boredom, they simply can't think of anything else to do and technology does have a major role in that. As does society, sex is everywhere and if you're not 'doing it' you're classed as a freak.

There are probably a lot more than 1% of the population (figure from AVEN) that are asexual, we're just afraid to come out and say that sex doesn't interest us.

 

[illusionist]

For years I thought I was asexual.....exactly as described.....attraction was the mind of the other person, rather than the physical. That changed when I met my partner.....I admired his mind first then my eye wandered to the physical.
I too am unsure if it's because of the trauma......all I can say is it's like a lightbulb had went on....there was no obvious change in my ' recovery '......I've never been able to work it out, so just accept that it is what it is.

I used to be physically numb.....I was sure my nerve endings were damaged as I physically felt nothing....now?....it's like my nerve endings were suddenly awakened and they are making up for lost time.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

@notsurewheretoturn, I think you're right about there being more than one per cent of people who are asexual. I find it also really ruins a movie if there are sex scenes in it, I lose interest as it's just so irrelevant and it looks stupid. Same goes for real life, if that's what a man's goal is and they're just nice to me because they think I'll eventually have sex with them it puts me off them as a person entirely.