The Reoccuring Breakup...

[Pussinboots]

I'm a PTSD supporter, my bf and I have been together for about a year. I need to understand b/c he won't help me understand let alone get the help he needs. Insight from a PTSD sufferer would help greatly. We go through this monthly break up...it's horrific..."pack your stuff, get out of my house or I will call the police", "leave, we aren't working anymore", I'm done with you"...Yes I find myself repeatedly packing my belongings and closing the door behind me wondering what did I do so bad. When I say repeatedly that's b/c each time after about a week passes and he processes what he did, he finds a way to convince me he's in this 100%. So back to square one. Now the triggers are what I'm trying to figure out...it could be anywhere from him just not feeling well to me asking a question about a girl, or questioning something he did/didnt do. But what I dont get is the extreme of it all. Whenever I try to bring PTSD up with him, he keeps saying oh I need to go back to my doc for meds...that was 6 months ago. The sex is lacking as well, I question that and I get the "you dont understand" lash out. Then the suicidal thoughts statement. I'm at my wits end and love him dearly but its bringing me down and that's not who I am. Its now been 3 days since this happened again. No communication at all. Sigh

 

[Deleted member 28942]

To me it sounds that this is not a healthy/functional relationship. Perhaps you can use the support of a therapist to figure out what you want to do and how to handle this.

 

[BlueDream]

Short answer.... RUN, RUN FAST!!

 

[BlueDream]

I really don't mean to sound so blunt or rude, but for me, it's been a long hard battle and even 12 years into my marriage it's a daily struggle to keep it together, and we both actively try to make it work.
I wish you the best of luck!!

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Pussinboots,

Sorry that we are getting treated so very badly.

Is your guy going to therapy? Participating in groups or forums, reading up on new coping skills...

In other words, taking steps to heal?

Or is he simply taking pills?

Pills might be a way for people to gain sufficient stability to get into therapy (I'm not convinced, clinical trials of SSRI s certainly are not very encouraging, but I'm not going to knock people if they find that pills work for them enough to get them into therapy).

But meds certainly can't teach any coping skills. They might even mask the symptoms that would persuade people to seek therapy.

It's your relationship, so entirely your decision

My suggestion is, don't go rushing back.

Have a read up on "detachment", codependency and " enabling behaviour "

I'm certainly not suggesting that his behaviour is your responsibility or fault. It isnt.

But by repeatedly going back, you are not doing your self any favours, and you may be inadvertently allowing him to continue to mess you around without him needing to take the steps to change himself.

 

[desiderata310]

Can I just say that this no longer sounds like PTSD but more like manipulation? I mean, I am a sufferer and I can tell you that I have never acted like that. EVEN WHEN I was beyond furious with someone.

I was in a relationship where towards the end it became even MORE violent and because the kids had been removed because of his anger, he started trying to control me through threatening to move out.

It's not exactly a parallel but you get the picture. I would spend a great deal of emotional energy bending to his will and begging him not to leave and to stay with me (even though he really at this point sadistically hurting me daily) until one day, I stopped. Of course, at that point things got worse for me which pushed me finally to leave...

umm... I guess what I'm saying is that being a PTSD supporter doesn't mean that you have to be emotionally abused.
It might be time to either stay gone and start over OR if you DO go back, set some serious boundaries surrounding disagreements.

Because this has crossed over into emotionally abusive this is important. I don't give a f*ck how bad his PTSD is, you don't have to put up with that. He can go back to the doctor, fix his meds and talk through shit without tossing you out and treating you like shit or he can lose you.

Plain and simple.

Sorry but PTSD doesn't have to translate into "I get to treat those I 'love' like shit"

Boundaries my friend, Boundaries.

 

[Pussinboots]

Thank you for the replies. ANARCHY...he was put on 2 meds, one for his stress and other for his sleep bc he has terrible fits during the nite, sometimes flaling so much he gets me in the head. The problem is deeper...he tries to pursuade himself that he doesnt need help. When I say you need to go back to doc he says yeah I know and blows it off. Its like hes so afraid of coming to grasp with this. There is not much more I can do, and like you said I shouldnt go back as quick the next time. Im pretty sure if I even mention "you need therapy" to him it would set him off. So I dont. I guess he needs to find it in himself to get the help...maybe it wont be until rock bottom.

 

[Anarchy]

Sometimes it does take a crisis and hitting rock bottom.

But don't try to either precipitate or to prevent a crisis. He needs to own his behaviour and its consequences.

 

[Saralyn0704]

I am a sufferer and feel like this is what I'm going through right now. I almost hijacked your thread but will go start my own instead. I wish I could offer you some advice but I'm in desperate need of it myself. Hugs though because I know this is tough.

 

[Mistyeyed2013]

Thank you for the replies. ANARCHY...he was put on 2 meds, one for his stress and other for his slee...

If he indeed has PTSD, if he isn't willing to accept that he has a problem, that's the first problem. I broke up with a boyfriend once because he was in full denial. That's the first step--admitting or accepting it. Secondly, its a long road. Think about this carefully. It's a very stressful relationship to be in because his PTSD will not be fixed overnight if totally at all one day. It's a long road to recovery and as a supporter you will suffer through it.