How Important Is The Therapeutic Relationship?

[caramelmix]

So as the title says really, for you personally how important is it? is it needed, is it the relationship that helps you heal or the type of therapy they use?

 

[DogwoodTree]

For me, the relationship is the main thing. My core problem seems to be an inability to trust, so...having a trustworthy T where I can try to explore what it feels like to trust someone is really the primary reason I'm in therapy. The approaches he uses give insight on how to address those trust issues, but none of it would matter if I didn't feel comfortable enough with him to try trusting, to see what that feels like, to learn how it works, to understand how I can manage my own safety while still trusting someone else.

I've tried working with other people who are supposedly good at what they do. But I never felt like I would ever be able to trust any of them, so it never got very far.

 

[illusionist]

For me, it was what was taught rather than the person who was teaching it. Looking back, I'm sure she deliberately kept distance in forming dependency....which worked for me. She taught me to change my way of thinking and eventually to trust myself.

I didn't need to trust her, only her teachings, which made total sense to me. It was similar to coming on this site...reading something that Anthony had put up, and taking it on board. I didn't need to trust him....I just knew that it made sense.

 

[caramelmix]

I cant work out which would be best for me, I know I don't trust her, I know I have trust issues. i am totally unsure which would work best for me.

 

[Friday]

Never had a therapeutic relationship in regards to trauma... Flings for a few weeks, several one night stands, however. ;) good stuff.

I've done therapy for years for other things, but not trauma. Trauma stuff has always been on the fly at best. Killer tools, tips, tricks, shortcuts, perspective shifts. Hell. Most of the time they haven't even been "my" therapist. It's just someone I happen to catch hold of in my life for a minute or three & either pick their brains, or they're shouting something at me in frustration, and I think about it later... And it makes sense. Alright. Try that then, maybe.

To be fair I did finally look for a "my" therapist last couple years. No joy. Shrug. We'll see.

I really couldn't care less where good advice comes from. Some of the best advice I've every gotten has been from someone I've only known for moments, or has been from someone I really don't effing like. No trust. No relationship. Still damn good advice. I'll use whatever I can, wherever I find it. Relationship? Trust? I view these things as a bonus. Not a necessity.

 

[Suzetig]

For me the therapeutic relationship has been absolutely key. I've been seeing someone for nearly 2 years, not always weekly but regularly. She is stable, consistent, honest and respectful. I trust her enough to let her see me in all my messy glory and her acceptance of me has been incredibly healing. Scary, but very healing.

She's a trauma specialist and has been brilliant at helping me learn how to stabilise myself and be functional but more importantly she's slowly teaching me that relationships can be safe and that I can be me in a relationship and be safe.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

My therapist last year ruined therapy for me by saying I need to trust her. Now I realise she was wrong.

 

[Saria]

The relationship with my therapist has definetely been the most important for me. I don't know if it would've been different if I didn't have relational trauma from childhood though. Could be that struggling with attatchment and trust might make the relationship with the therapist more important, I don't know.

 

[caramelmix]

That's what I am trying to work out I guess, because I know I have relationship issues from childhood as well as now with the same person. I cant tell if its my gut feeling or my head that's saying this relationship with my therapist does not feel right. and would I even know anyway. and how important even is that. I do keep trying to bring this up in therapy but the second I walk through that door I loose all ability to function. and at the same time I really don't feel I have the energy to start all over again with someone else. My therapist has done nothing that I would class as questionable. She seems like shes a nice ethical person that knows what she is doing as such.

 

[Panda Bear]

She is stable, consistent, honest and respectful. I trust her enough to let her see me in all my messy glory and her acceptance of me has been incredibly healing. Scary, but very healing

I can very much relate to this!

I needed trust, had to have in order to make any progress what so ever, but I also needed attachment! It turned out to be imparative in the process. I didn't see it at first, but my T did and he practices attachment theory. He managed to worm his way in a little over 3yrs into our meeting. And the process of me having a healthy, therapeutic relationship was a game changer.

But I don't think it would have been done with any old person. He happened to be the RIGHT guy for the job.

 

[The Albatross]

For me it was not the discipline or type of therapy used cuz my shrink was a bit out of his depth and his preferred method was "free flow stream of consciousness therapy". Hardly equipped to deal with PTSD. But I did it cuz I had to and I had finite finances and basically did what I had to in order to maximize the benefit. Though I was skeptical of the method, about the only connection I had to the guy was he was from my home town and younger but near my age. I figured that was enough to crack the lid and I finished my therapy in like 9-10 months for PTSD where before it took me a year and a half for the ADD/ADHD (same shrink).

I approached it like a job and it was a job in a way... it was doing what I had to do to get myself away from high risk suicidal ideation... for the rest I've been here and doing my own recovery stuff and using peer support. I'm low risk now and have kicked a lot of the PTSD stuff. When I look back, a lot of it was driven by my drive to initiate change.

So far as trust... I was so desperate to change, I was willing to trust anyone other than myself.. but I had already had recovery experience and a success under my belt or two. First in AA recovery, then with therapy for ADD/ADHD... which I test normal for provided I don't crank myself up with caffeine or sugar.

 

[joeylittle]

I'm more familiar with the phrase 'therapeutic alliance', to describe the dynamic between therapist and client. It simply means that you are aligned towards a common goal, and that there is an agreement between the two of you to work to get you there. It's built over time - like anything - but it's what ideally starts happening day 1.

If you chose to go to therapy, on some level you are ready to form an alliance.

Relationship, I think, is a little different - and I don't think it's necessary.