General Why Bother?

[Wastinglight]

There's not going to be any satisfying answer from the person

Not looking for satisfying answers. As you say, there are none to be found. Don't want to talk to him at all. Just want to enjoy my sport. He's the one who wants to do the talking.

 

[nursenurse]

That's cuz his sh*tcup is overflowing.....

 

[Wastinglight]

That's cuz his sh*tcup is overflowing.....

Yeah... Now that my anger has passed, I'm feeling sad once more. I mean, of course he's feeling happier now that he's broken up with me. The way he deals with any kind of major stressor, conflict, problem or challenge is usually to run away from it. Running away from problems offers instant relief. .. in the short term. In the long run, however, it reinforces a pattern of avoidant behaviour that he will increasingly find hard to break. He believes he is doing the right thing "for his health" but I'm not so sure. But, that's none of my business now....

 

[nursenurse]

I am waiting for your posts to be more about you, lol, and they are slowly but surely getting there. I don't mean that in an unhealthy way, for you, but I want you to eventually throw him back in the pile. You will get there. All the bad has to come out to make room for all the good that you are worthy of.

 

[Wastinglight]

I am waiting for your posts to be more about you, lol, and they are slowly but surely getting there....

Thank you. One of the reasons I post on this forum, rather than keep a private journal, is so that I can get feedback on how I'm travelling (and a kick up the ass if I'm out of line). I'm talking about him a lot because the things he does causes me pain, but day to day, I'm not especially focused on him or wishing we can reconcile.

But I do care very deeply for him. A lot of people have told me he's a lost cause, that he doesn't have the capacity to change how he is now. But I saw potential in him to grow and break out of his limiting beliefs, and learn to manage his condition in a way that means he can have happy, intimate relationships with others. I believed in him, I still do. But it makes me inconsolably sad that he doesn't seem to believe it himself. I wish I could be there for him, as a friend, to support him on his journey. But I can't. It hurts me too much to be near him, knowing he doesn't love me, and doesn't want me. I have to do what's right for me, even though it cuts so deeply to abandon him as a friend I can scarcely bear it. But he made this decision, not me. I would have been there for him, no matter what. But he pushed me away. So all I can do is work on letting go and leaving him behind.