Good Idea To Take A Break?

[Scandinavgirl]

I started therapy this summer, since I kind of "hit a wall". I was in despair, and stuff from childhood started to affect me. In therapy I`ve been talking about my trauma and my life as unemployed. At one point I started to notice, that I during sessions, found myself in a "half dissociated mode" or something - keeping one foot out, one foot in. It occurred to me at one point, as I noticed the therapist switched his seat without me noticing his movements - suddenly his position were changed without me noticing it happened. This scared me, but when I became aware, I started to notice when I was about to zone out. I still work with this. Keeping my self present.

I have also discovered tons of other problems I have, and I have only worked with a few issues so far - be aware of my own feelings, black and white thinking and self talk mainly. And I have come a long way with these issues - I feel now that I am about to build some sort of healthy foundation. But at the same time, I think this process is so F***** hard. I try to keep myself going, think positive and be constructive - all necessary for me to manage the job-seeking process, which I believe is very difficult. My problem is these difficult feelings that makes me so tired and exhausted, and they makes me worry I will not manage a job if I get one. I am also afraid there is more trauma hidden inside of me - and if it comes out, will it destroy me?

I was looking forward to my last session, I really felt like talking to my therapist. I felt closer to him. But since last session I am starting to think that I maybe need a break. I need to be focused on finding a job, I need to be strong, positive and outgoing. All which does not correspond very well with working with trauma because it is so hard and making me feel all these things. I am kind of hoping, that if I tell him I want a break I will manage to feel free and get on with my life. Not feel gagged by my past anymore. The therapy has been my "free space" - it has been given me a sense of hope. But now it feels almost like a prison. It feels suffocatingly and I dont know if I can go back. I have a time scheduled next month (only been there like once a month), but I am thinking about cancelling and tell him I need a break. I could also show up and talk about this things, but I dont know. I fear going back there now. And thats the thing, I am scared that this is just a "flight response".

Do you think it is a good idea for me to take a break now? Maybe get things on a distance, try to manage without therapy for a while? Any thoughts?

 

[twinkle30]

I think it depends on what type of break you want. I am taking a small break because of the holiday and being busy with that but will start again in January. It's one thing to take a break like that but to take a long term break and try to start a job without therapy is not a good idea. Have you thought of looking for a job and going to therapy but maybe not doing trauma therapy just regular talk therapy? That way you would have the support of a therapist while you start your job.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

I think it depends on what type of break you want. I am taking a small break because of the holiday an...

I don`t know how long a break actually. Maybe just a few months. Until I get a job and get settled in it. I have not thought about that actually - maybe it is a good idea actually;)

 

[scout86]

It seems like every time I think "now might be a good time to take a break" it's really because I'm trying to avoid stuff. That may not be true with you, but think about it.

 

[watundah]

It sounds like a lot. Job hunting is stressful though and could be triggering. When I lost my job, we looked at it as an opportunity to dig in since work distractions were gone. Im with Scout. It.may be worth hanging in and seeing what comes up.

 

[barefoot]

I considered taking a break (or perhaps stopping completely) recently too.

I really love my therapist and generally hate the thought that there will come a time when I don't see her anymore, so this was a complete u-turn for me. But I'd got a bit freaked out by a couple of things that had happened in the therapy and my anxiety was off the scale. And I just felt so tired. And so tired of it/of 'doing the work'.

So, as @scout86 says, I think by saying I was stopping, I was actually trying to avoid a whole lot of stuff that was going on for me. And my decision to break/stop was really being driven by fear/panic/anxiety - I wasn't making an empowered decision based on what I genuinely thought was the right/healthiest thing for me to do.

The thing is, once you start digging in to trauma, it stirs a lot of stuff up. And once you've opened Pandora's box and all that messy stuff comes flying out...? You can't just pop the lid back on it and expect that to be fine...

When I then discussed it all with my therapist, she said that sometimes clients taking a break is a good/useful thing and if I wanted to do that we could. But - her idea of me taking a break was taking a break from the trauma work, not taking a break from therapy completely. She said about taking a break but staying in the space - not just me going off on my own for a few months with no support to deal with stuff that was going on. So I agree with @twinkle86 who kind of echoes what my therapist suggested - take a break from trauma work but continue to work with your therapist on, maybe, more practical here and now stuff. So, park the trauma and get support from your therapist around what you need for the job searching/transition into work? How can he help you with becoming that strong, positive, outgoing person you think you need to be?

I feel for you and I agree with you - the process is so f*cking hard. But I don't think you trying to go it alone at the moment is probably the best thing for you. I certainly am glad I decided to continue. We've taken a break from trauma stuff over the last month or so and have focused more on our relationship and lighter here and now stuff. We're going to start digging in to the deeper level work again in the new year. But I think we're going to go super-slow so that I don't get too spooked again ;-)

Good luck!

 

[barefoot]

I was looking forward to my last session, I really felt like talking to my therapist. I felt closer to him. But since last session I am starting to think that I maybe need a break

Just thinking - was there something in particular about the last session that has made you have this turnaround? Something he said? Something in how you felt/reacted? If you can pinpoint what it was, that might be a useful conversation to have with him?

 

[Scandinavgirl]

It seems like every time I think "now might be a good time to take a break" it's really because I'm tryi...

I am aware that I might be afraid and trying to avoid certain aspects. But maybe I need that now? Need to avoid more problems to arise - I am afraid it will be too much for me right now.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

It sounds like a lot. Job hunting is stressful though and could be triggering. When I lost my job, we l...

I dont know. It is so difficult getting a job, I cant be beaten down if I am going to manage it.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

Just thinking - was there something in particular about the last session that has made you have this tu...

I have been thinking about it, and I dont know. Maybe I am afraid he does not believe I will get a job and manage to work. I dont like his worried expressions. We talked about my mother, maybe touched some new aspects. We talked about my father - I think my therapist is trying to explore my relationship with my father. I think it is to make me rebuild a better relationship with him. I was closer to my father as a child than my mother.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

I considered taking a break (or perhaps stopping completely) recently too.

I really love my therapist...

Ok. I see what you mean. Maybe it is difficult to just "wrap" things up and furthermore expect life to go on as before I started therapy. I sometimes regret I started therapy, but at the time it also felt like I had no choice.

I still like the idea working on "here and now stuff". I will discuss this with him next session.

 

[barefoot]

I dont like his worried expressions

This might sound silly, but it may be worth you bringing this up with him? He probably has no idea that he's looking worried....And just because you interpret his expressions as being 'worried expressions' that doesn't necessarily mean that they are and that he's actually feeling worried.

The following conversation has played out several times between me and my therapist when things have got a bit intense and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable and a bit panicky...which generally means I start going in to defensive mode:

<Pause where we both look at each other. Therapist smiles warmly>
Me: What?
Her: Nothing...
Me: Why are you looking at me like that?
Her: I'm just smiling at you...

And then she sometimes asks if it's ok that she's smiling at me...

Sometimes, they don't know what their faces are doing. And/or they don't know the impact on you of any particular facial expression. And, sometimes our interpretation of what we see on their face isn't actually an accurate reflection of what they're thinking/feeling. But bringing this stuff up and exploring it together (even if only touching on it briefly) can often be helpful.