Ah!!! I Think I Shared Too Much Too Soon!

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

I'm not sure what I'm feeling.....

I think I may have bite off more than I can chew. Im spirling out of control right now! I think it all must have been too much, too soon. I just joined this forum recently after a period of isolating. I thought I was Ok, I thought I had a handle on it. I thought I was handling it all well, then yesterday it started, and today full blown anxiety, my heart racing all dall. I can't seem to stop spinning. I feel so scared. LIke I'm between here and there. A fog. Feels like I'm in a movie. I'm spacing out, losing my mind . I don't take meds. What can I do right now?

Is that what happens after Exposure? Is this because I shared so much? Too soon. Was this from my starting a tramuma journal. What did i do wrong??? too much???

I was just so excited to feel connected again! I don't want to withdrawl again. My therapist is on vacation!

I promise, there is no suicidal thoughts or ideation.

Words of advice??

 

[Jnean]

Anxiety and panic is hard. I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. I like to go somewhere else in my head. Example, play my water fall or rain music, feel my smooth rocks or sand in my hands, visualize a relaxing peaceful moment or memory, describe out loud how exactly all of my senses come alive. But first I might have to ground myself by reminding where I am at, what I'm wearing down to each color or design, where I am at, what's around me, etc before I can go anywhere else relaxing and then again once I feel I can breath again, in order to come back to my reality with that peace. Even if only for a short time. I don't know tho it depends, I may need to call a crisis hotline if I know I'm having a panic attack and I do take medicine for that as needed. Just a few ideas. Hard to say what you can do, I've cleaned, folded laundry, got on this site, so your reaching out, that's good even when it feels yukky.

 

[annveg]

I'm so sorry...
I'm no professional but an empath and sensitive listener, you're not alone. Once just because I had ensurance I decided to visit a psychiatrist to see if I was 'normal' and found after my 4 year trauma I developed depression, I never knew a happy life and she was kind, describing me meds. I took just one to test on myself and just slept for 24 hours and was still dizzy after that, nothing changed for the better, the pain wasn't gone so I'll never try meds again, only natural like a very small dose of Saint John's Worth 2, 3 times a week, it helps. Only natural things and vegan diet, which helps too cause we are at least not feeding on fear energy.

From what I understand flashbacks or anxiety like yours might be trauma unhealed, I have the flashbacks and anxiety. I've also been relaxing (counting from 20 to 1 slowly telling myself at 1 I'll get into the most relaxed state but will be able to wake up at anytime I want or go to sleep after that if I wish) and then go back to the flashback that has been bothering me (doing one trauma a day), relieve it but telling myself it's alright so I don't relieve it in full, like the helpless child I was but nonetheless letting this emotion pass through me, then I try to forgive specially myself but those envolved, look for what I learned from it no matter how small and then try to find an explanation just so I understand what was truly happening, and end with a mantra like it's over, it's in the past and it's okay, I'm healed or I overcome it.

It's been working because consciously I go back to those traumatic moments and everytime my breathing is fine, without this self therapy I invented I couldn't breath, I would even freeze or have any anxiety sympthoms.

I think all is important: relaxation, meditation, what we eat, volunteer work, yoga (the trauma is in the body as well) and it's the best exercise, talking about it... One of the things that kept me locked in fear and isolation is that as an hsp who didn't love herself people would use me so I had many 'friends' energy vampires so never found someone who cared, listened or cared about me. I cut them from my life after developing self-esteem but still haven't found many compassionate people, if that is your case these 'friends' are more dangerous than being a loner. There are suicide lines of organisations like that you can call to and talk, they say we don't need to be on the verge of killing ourselves to ask for help. Or you can vent out like someone was listening, but you do it in the intimacy of your room.

I know I'm getting there cause I'm getting better and better but self-healing is a daily practice with need of patience and perseverance.

I feel your pain and wish you the best! I know I didn't come out with all answers but if we help each other and each share what helps we'll find all the healing secrets for ptsd, in my case I have complex and developmental ptsd (stopped developing as a child due to trauma).

 

[Jnean]

you said it tho exposure is key for me too but here were all anonymous so I don't have to see you everyday at work for example knowing you know something very private about me. What a word exposure, I want to rip that word apart, make it less scary. I want to expose that word! Lol

 

[Kintsugi]

This might help you understand exposure and symptom aggravation: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/reading-forum-increases-symptoms.13886/

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Thank you thank you thank you for your words.

Just reading your responses have got me a little more grounded.

I think I may need to just call the VA crisis line. This is past my normal levels of what I have the tools for.

 

[Friday]

Blargh. I hate that feeling. Exposed. Worst feeling in the world.

(Meh. 2nd worst. But a helluva lot more common than the 1st.)

I get it on here almost every day. Especially when my thoughts aren't being linear and concise, but just downing on, and on, and on. >.< FFS woman, shut your damn mouth! I hate it. Especially because this isn't the way I am IRL. It's also not the way I write when I'm not all f*cked up.

So I keep coming back. Because I have a rule about doing shit that scares me. If it scares me? I do it again. And again. And again. Until I've either gotten it right or it doesn't scare me anymore. One of the two.

Something that may help you to read :
Reading Forum Increases Symptoms!

ETA...LMAO Simon. XPost. :)

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

You guys are awesome. Thank you for your support! Wisdom!

I knew this would be hard! I knew it would hurt! But I already knew I was doing that anyways. U know? Like you @ FridayJones. I like hard things. I push myself to my limits.

I really wasn't prepared mentally to my outcome. I guess I still fantasize that I dont have PTSD or that I just wake up in my old self... Or maybe that just brain damage.

This. Is. So. Hard.

Calling crisis line now.

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Well, the good news is I'm going to the VA tommorow. The bad news is im going to the VA tommorow.

Going try not to think about my last visit there, where the Dentist screamed at me.

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Going go play some music, hold my fuzzy ball while crushing some candies on my phone

 

[Deleted member 28740]

I'm confused. Should you go on the Dr. Phil show and are sharing too much here? Hoping crisis line and VA help. Herbal tea and throw out the candy. Go for a long walk, always helps me.

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

@Changeling Dr Phil is a NO GO. I made the decision a few hours after I wrote the post. I reflected, and based on my experience with trying to be open here, I cannot image how difficult a show of that nature would be.

Tea, yum! Good idea. And when I was referring to Crushing candies, it's a Android game called Candycrush- puzzle game I play on my phone :)