What To Say And Not Say To An Alcoholic

[Rumors]

AA also has open meetings where family or friends can attend as well. I definitely think it is something he has to do for himself, however going to an open meeting with him for the first time could bridge the anxiety a little. If he has a problem, I truly believe he should be in therapy as well.
I don't have any answers but I can tell you that he has two roads to choose from. One will lead him down a very ugly path full of chaos and bad choices. Right now, it is the easier of the two and bares the most fun. The other road, it may be harder work now but it will leave you far happier in the end.
I grew up in a home where my dad was/is an alcoholic. It was constant chaos and I always felt the need to try and fix it or make everyone feel better and in the end usually got blamed for the uproar. Relationships with alcoholics are much like standing on ice, you may slip and slide around for a while end up ok, OR you could end up on your ass, OR you could crash through the ice and drown. The worst part is you never know and usually you slip around on the ice for years falling and getting back up only to fall through in the end. It is heart breaking. I hope he will choose peace and happiness over chaos.

 

[The Albatross]

Surprised nobody said, "setting boundaries". Setting clear boundaries for behavior can be helpful.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Setting clear boundaries for behavior can be helpful.

:) Boundary work.:tup:

There is this site that divided that board into forum sections that included those whom had relatives with X,Y,Z and a section for those that chose partners with X,Y,Z. The board was for a larger spectrum that ran across the DSM V. I think sometimes the most effective boundary rest within the choosing of the partner with eyes opened...as it is a choice.

Can we love them the way they are 'now' and be happy ... is a possible boundary platform. jmho

 

[The Albatross]

Ack.

 

[The Albatross]

Disagree, as they are is chemically insulated/numb/impaired. We don't even know who they are til they're sober.

 

[Recovery4Me]

lol... Then to paraphrase the author of the thread (under her avatar), "Choose wisely".

 

[The Albatross]

Hmm. Then question the wisdom of an impaired relationship but that's not what under her avatar says right now.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Left out the extra "o"...lol. It is her choice to choose...may she choose wisely. (((hugs))) Thus boundary work (for me) begins there.

@Ayesha ....(((hugs))) for putting this thread out in public. Best wishes for you.

 

[The Albatross]

Boundaries have a place in ALL relationships. What is acceptable, what is not acceptable... we teach people how to treat us. When we want change... it is harder because we accepted them "before" as they were.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Leaving the thread because... her journey starts with her hard choices. I understand @The Albatross Nice to chat with you.

 

[The Albatross]

Not really getting you at all today... she asked for, "what else said is helpful?", I hardly need to be reminded that Ayesha's choices will be/are her own. She will choose but... setting boundaries of behavior is something that should happen in all relationships, alcoholic or not. Where's the beef?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I agree this could possibly be a deal breaker and that I need boundaries. He is admitting right now that he has a drinking problem and has asked me about AA. From here I don't know, what steps will be taken if any. If nothing changes from here I will need to walk away and I know that. My choices are my own and I deserve a healthy relationship.