Is This Structural Dissociation?

[ms spock]

There is a split in me and there is this part here, and then there is that part there.

I have to involve/distract/feed/get this part here, and keep it busy, so that part over there can listen to other things or be here. And for the longest time I didn't know that was what I was doing. Distracting this part, and keeping it busy so that part could come out.

Probably doesn't make a lot of sense. But I need to access both these parts. Well I hope to access both these parts.

At least I have some awareness of the part that needs to be settled and distracted and busy so that the other part can come out.

That first part has run interference for a very long time to keep the other part safe (I think). But the other part - well it could be helpful to be in contact with it as it comes out of seemingly nowhere at times. Or maybe there is another part? I don't know.

Is this structural dissociation?

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Probably doesn't make a lot of sense. But I need to access both these parts. Well I hope to access both these parts.

I can't answer your question as I'm new in the recovery period but I wanted to say makes sense to me!

I read what you wrote and knew Exactly what your saying and speaking about as I'm trying to access all my "parts" at the same time as well too. Trying to connect the dots.

Not to make light of such a serious issue, but I actually giggled thinking of saying that exact thing to my non- PTSD friend trying to explain what I deal with and watching her tilt her head looking at me all confused like my dog tilts his head at high pitched noises.
Thought that may make you smile :)

But in all seriousness, this is a great question and im glad you asked it. Its in this forum and the questions others ask that help me finally feel understood! Guess we speak our own language :)

This is a great question and I looking foward to being more knowledgeable in the future on this!

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

I feel like my different " parts" emerge based off who I am around, and weirdly based off what I am wearing (if more professional I can access my intelligent self)
If im in sweatpants and baggy shirt, my more depressed child like self, ect...

If I'm around my daughter, a version. Family members, bring out a version of self. If I feel attacked, a self.

It's hard to connect all the "parts" of my personality as one whole self.

The only time I feel connected is in my one safe spot, in my room, writing in my journal, no distractions. I'm aware of all the parts. Guess I always have been. I assumed this was just how life was, until I started reading more and realized the distortion.

It became painfully obvious that I felt split, when i started the journaling this past year. Outside of my room, I feel like I'm always wearing a facade. It's a heavy mask that I somehow put on, that's shifty, and unpredictable.

What I'm trying to learn is to merge the split. I think once i do, i can finally access my memory and all the missing chuncks of time/ life. Access all parts at once. I used to call it my "before" and "after" but based off history, this started in childhood. It just got more pronounced after the recent tragedy.

 

[Stickler]

If part A's job is to protect part B?
Ask part A to help reach and start to debrief part B?
That *might* work?

At any rate, rather than trying to do an end run around A, work with A first, then enlist A's conscious help in working with B...would be my suggestion.
A is keeping you away from B for a reason you don't know. Might be a pretty good reason! Approaching A first may be safer.

A sounds frantically busy. What's A running from? Question to ask yourselfs, not actually asking you to tell me unless you need to.

 

[ms spock]

Not to make light of such a serious issue, but I actually giggled thinking of saying that exact thing to my non- PTSD friend trying to explain what I deal with and watching her tilt her head looking at me all confused like my dog tilts his head at high pitched noises.
Thought that may make you smile :)

:D

It did!

 

[void]

There is a split in me and there is this part here, and then there is that part there.

I have to involv...

I'm inclined to say 'Yes'.

Do you know any of the members with DID on the site?
I would suggest talking to them, as they have deep insight into how the alters function.
Many have been able to integrate said alters and find peace or some degree of same.
:hug:

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Love it @Stickler

Time to bust out a debriefing committee to Self A. Or invite all them all during journaling.

Or maybe even enforce some chain of command.

This made me smile.

The scary part is, yeah, what is that those "parts" are not telling. Obviously they need to know the jig is up. I'm on to them now. Someone needs to cough up some Intel

 

[ms spock]

I don't have DID @void, and I have briefly talked to some DID members but I don't know if I really know anyway. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

[ms spock]

That part needs to be kept busy before the other part gets a look in. It is really interesting to notice. No wonder I had so many difficulties in concentration.

 

[void]

I don't have DID @void, and I have briefly talked to some DID members but I don't know...

I hope that you are able to attain insight into your internal state and find a way to make progress in this area.:hug:

 

[ms spock]

I am not really sure how to do that @void.

 

[Crow]

I have similar challenges. T suggested a meeting around a large table in a safe space in my mind's eye. It was so successful I've had conference meetings several times since. Also constant self talk out loud - directly to both the protector and protectee. I've found the protectee actually has the major decision making power in integrating and changing. Important to reinforce the bad stuff was long ago and it's 2016 now. (No I'm not did but this has worked with the ptsd fragmentation)