It seems like I had some sort of similar experience with one of my abusers who I refuse to call an ex. He brainwashed me into the 'relationship' and abused me physically, sexually, mentally etc. And he knew I had a lot of traumas beforehand. I had a really long time that I kept checking if he was still studying there and the same subject and if he still lived there etc. But it was really difficult to check. I sometimes still have the urge, but googling doesn't work. I really had to force myself and tell others that I blocked him on everything. Because he kept abusing me even after 'the relationship'. He also visited my school sometimes, to threathen me. But the chance that happens is realy slim and I keep reminding myself that I probably won't see him again, finally. I also finally told some people at my school about it and that I need to leave if he suddenly shows up. And that they will prevent him coming near me. I also have a different adress at school in a different city, so students or visitors don't know where I live. And with an obligatory presentation evening, where they announce all the names and classrooms on the internet, I can do it on a different date. Didn't really told them what happened, but they seemed to understand sort of and it's about the things they can do for me anyway. I hope maybe you can arrange things like this too, but it's often a long way to get it. You do deserve that though and if you need special things, than you should get them.
I have a wonderful relationship now and that helped me to get rid of the abuser. I also should have gone to a safe house before I met my partner. But I didn't know that was possible for these kind of things as well. It was really necessary though, for my safety and also because sometimes I got the idiotic idea to send him a message, trying to tell him what he did to me, how horrible that was, try that he understood that. It never worked and he told others that I'm a liar as well. We used to be on the same school, so the years his friend were there and he wasn't, were tricky. Also because he would contact his friends to know where I was.
I feel really bad that this happened to you and I hope you don't blame yourself. I hope you can find support or help, maybe from people in your environment, maybe a support group or a therapist, or maybe here on the forum. Whatever works best for you and what you can handle right now.
But it's normal. You're scared (which I find realistic but a lot of people told me it's not because the chances are slim). You want to know where he is and what he's doing to make sure you won't run into him, or he comes to see you. It really took a lot of effort for me and my partner to stop this behaviour of me, since I had to make sure where he was, but seeing photos or (happy) messages about him made me have a panic attack. And it could trigger a response from him or something like that. Now I still constantly check when I'm driving or walking outside if I see him or if I see his car, but that's ok. We sort of live in the same city (he used to live with his mom just outside my city) and goes to sports and university in my city. But even when I'm somewhere completely else, I check. But it's so much less in my life already, that I'm fine with this. It's a lot better and healthier for me now, because I am more free again. We also made several 'emergency plans' just in case.
For your safety, I would try to get some help and support. Maybe you can tell someone, who can help you in case you do ever 'run into him'? It can help to feel more secure. And does he have your password for facebook or something? Maybe you can change it or block him (I deleted facebook entirely). I know it's difficult, because then you can check less on him, but I think it's safer and better for you (it was for me). Because then it was a lot harder for him to know where I was as well. Eventually, he stopped trying contacting me as well.
