T Has Broken My Trust

[Jen12]

Im so upset, i feel totally let down by my T. She's always been the voice of reason and someone who will support me in meetings with other health professionals.

This week i had a large meeting with my medical team, eating disorders team and herself to discuss everything over all, including the new feeding tube ive had fitted recently!

During the meeting she decided to throw a spanner in the works by disclosong i hadnt had any feeds up for over a week plus, partly because my tube was dislodged and partly down to my eating dosorder. Straight away everyone was on me giving me options that i had to choose, either go on the medical ward or get sectioned to get me on the ward?!?!

Everyones saying theyre doing it because they care, but infact all they care about is themselves and their jobs! They know being on a medical ward is highly distressing to me and my ptsd, when i asked them how they'd tackle this she l said theyre not bothered about that, it has to take a back seat as my medical health is more important?! So i have to go on a ward and suffer the consiquences! Im so so upset and annoyed, we always had an agreement we'd be honest with each other, and we could continue with the EMDR. And look where the honesty has got me!!! I really cant face her at the moment, and not sure if i can again as i feel totally let down and so so angry about it all!

 

[Friday]

It's really, really hard to treat a dead person's PTSD.

 

[digger]

During the meeting she decided to throw a spanner in the works by disclosong i hadnt had any feeds up for over a week plus, partly because my tube was dislodged and partly down to my eating dosorder.

Presumably, your tube being dislodged, and you not having the feeds you are supposed to be having, is endangering your health?

It would have been better for her to discuss with you first that she would disclose this at the meeting if you didn't bring it up yourself, but if it comes down to you doing harm to yourself, or being in danger of doing harm to yourself, then she probably felt that other people needed to be aware of that.

I understand though that you're feeling angry and let down by her. What do you feel would have been a better way for her to handle the situation?

 

[Suzetig]

You sound really disappointed and angry with her, ideally she would have discussed your lack of feeding and her need to share that at the meeting with you beforehand. In saying that, I think she had little choice but to tell people that feeding wasn't happening the way they thought it was.

I know you don't feel like being anywhere near her but it seems like it might be helpful for you to talk to her about how you're feeling?

 

[Jen12]

It's really, really hard to treat a dead person's PTSD.

Ive read this a few times, and not sure what you mean by it?!
Im far from death, and not in anyway seriously ill. If i was id totally agree with whats being done. Thats where my frustration and annoyance has come from

 

[Jen12]

Presumably, your tube being dislodged, and you not having the feeds you are supposed to be having, is end...

It was all done very sneakily and not discussed with me prior to the meeting, so it was a complete shock when everyone pounced on me!
If we'd have discussed it i could have reassured her my health is fine as it genuinly is and i can administer my feeds again, and slowly re-introduce them wothout heading into re-feeding syndrome. But i wasnt given the chance, they just imediatly jumped in with the big guns & threats of a mental health assessment.

Im so upset

 

[Jen12]

You sound really disappointed and angry with her, ideally she would have discussed your lack of feeding...

I am really dissapointed in her, as normally shes totally supportive and the voice of reason with the others.
Of she'd discussed with me before hand i could have reassured her i was absolutly fine which i honestly am.
I inderstand totally she had to inform others, but she took it to the next level and has made it out to be something it isnt.

I honestly cant face her at ths moment, and if she comes into the medical hospital to visit me ill wont be able to be bite my tounge and probably say something ill regret =(

 

[bluebird]

Im so upset, i feel totally let down by my T. Im so so upset and annoyed, we always had an agreement we'd be honest with each other, and we could continue with the EMDR. And look where the honesty has got me!!! I really cant face her at the moment, and not sure if i can again as i feel totally let down and so so angry about it all!

I can hear your pain and I understand it. These are your feelings and there is nothing wrong with that; it´s natural. But as much as I say your feelings need to be validated, as much as I can empathise, I also understand your T was concerned about your health and felt obligated to share her opinion about it with other health care providers.

The goal was not to hurt you, but to help you, to protect you.

I understand you feel overlooked. I would definitely recommend you to talk to her about it, tell her how you felt, and you can agree on another way of dealing with moments like that.

If you feel you are not able to speak, you can write something to her. In fact, I think you can write to her exactly the same things you wrote in here. Together, you can work this out.

Is there anything that would ease your stay at the ward?

 

[Queen Boudica]

Are you saying you didn't eat for a week? I would have thought that was pretty serious for someone with an eating disorder who already has a tube?

 

[Sandstone]

i could have reassured her my health is fine as it genuinly is

What are your criteria for "fine" and "not fine"?

 

[Suzetig]

I'm guessing your sense of fine might be different to the view of health professionals - not eating for a week is concerning, and they needed to know your tube was dislodged. I hear how betrayed you feel but I'm not sure she had a lot of choice about whether she shared, but could have perhaps done it differently?

 

[barefoot]

I agree with others here. I understand that you feel let down and angry with her because you feel like she's gone behind your back and betrayed you. And I really feel for you - those are difficult emotions, especially when it comes to people we trust (and especially a therapist who you've trusted with so much).

I also think that, however much this feels to you that she doesn't care and isn't being supportive...well, I don't think that's true. I hear that you feel hurt and angry and perhaps afraid too - and I get why you feel those things. I can see that her talking to you about this first instead of disclosing it to the panel at the meeting might have changed how you feel about it.

But this doesn't look like the action of someone who doesn't care about you. Quite the opposite, in fact. You say you haven't eaten for over a week - partly due to the tube becoming dislodged but also partly due to your eating disorder. I don't think staying quiet about this in the meeting would have been the right/responsible/professional thing for her to do.

You can say you're "fine" and you might actually believe that you're "fine". But, as an outsider who doesn't know you (and also, admittedly, doesn't know much about eating disorders) this doesn't sound "fine." And it cdoesn't sound like it's "fine" to your healthcare professionals including your therapist either - who want to help you to get well.

I hope you'll speak to your therapist about how you feel about this whole situation and that you two can get your relationship back on track and so that she can support you with the next step with your eating disorder eg looking at ways to support you if you do need to stay on a ward for a while.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this at the moment.