Sexual Abuse, Age 7-, It Felt Good.

[Adobe]

Hey so.. I'm new here. Hi.
My brother started touching me when I was very young.
Thinking of the times it concludes that it had started somewhere between age 5-7.
It was a game, it felt good.
I find myself having discontinued memories of the experience. At one time I knew it started at an early age, then I found myself thinking it might have started when I was 11 or so. So apparently I have been suppressing my memories. But yeah they started at 7 now that I think of it.
I realized it wasn't a moral thing to do as a christian at age 17. He had moved out when I was 16, but when he came back he would want to touch me again. I cut off any possible ways to be physically approachable. Started locking my doors. He would want to sneak into the room like always. He indicated always by gently touching me. Wow now I realize I am so divided from the memories. Almost feel like this was not me, that it had not happened in my lifetime.
Anyways, it stopped for a while. Now i am 24, and he is doing it again. Son of a Bitch.

As a young age, I enjoyed it, I wanted more of it.
But I do wish that I had never had it in the first place.
Did any of you guys feel the same way? I have not shared this experience with much people.
Looking at all these threads, I am pretty confused.
Can I call this sexual abuse if I enjoyed it? Technically no, but then technically yes? Because I was in such a young age? This shit is sick tho.

 

[Atad]

Yes you can. And it was sexual abuse. Enjoyment happens and that causes a lot of guilt for some but it is a natural reaction and no way are you to blame for that. It is common to feel like it happened to someone else.

I'd report him and get him out of your life.

 

[Iraled]

This is straight up sexual abuse and anyone who tries to tell you differently is wrong.

Of course you feel confused because it can feel good and it and really mess with your mind and cause all kinds of shame issues. You are completely innocent though. Your brother took advantage of you in the worst way possible. Please try not to blame yourself just because your body responded the way it was designed to respond. Your body doesn't really give you a choice in the matter, much like breathing.

Please get into therapy, because you are going to need help to deal repercussions of what you have been though. It is going to be a hard emotional journey. Please consider reporting your brother so that he can't harm anyone else the way he has harmed you. He needs to pay for what he has done to you.

 

[Ilok]

Physical reactions aren't the same as enjoyment.

It is sexual abuse, nothing else, just because your body reacted a certain way doesn't make it less an abuse.

 

[Ame]

Anyways, it stopped for a while. Now i am 24, and he is doing it again. Son of a Bitch.

You are old enough to dial the police and elect to get therapy. Consider following through with either action and he will stop doing it one way or another as it IS against the law. :yuck::stop::spitdummy:

 

[Adobe]

Yes you can. And it was sexual abuse. Enjoyment happens and that causes a lot of guilt for some but it is a natural reacti...

Thanks... Now that you say it is it seems obvious. I have not had much research on this topic, so I had no idea about other cases that bring guilt or enjoyment. I was going to carry it to my grave. The thought of reporting him scares me so much, though I do think I should protect his children once he has any. Then at the same time I would not want any children my self. The world is so f*cked up. I just want to protect. If I could. We should all become strong. Thank you for the reply. Appreciate it.

 

[Nejoba]

Is your brother a similar age to you? Or considerably older?

I ask because it is not uncommon for siblings close in age to experiment and explore as young children and makes it harder to define than in cases where there a bigger age gap. Not saying that it wasn't abusive, just that with young children it is not always as clear cut as that.

That it went on into your teens and that he is harassing you now in your twenties is unacceptable. You are clearly stating that it is something you do not want. It is unwanted sexual contact and, yes, abusive.

 

[Adobe]

This is straight up sexual abuse and anyone who tries to tell you differently is wrong.

Of course you feel confused be...

Thank you, I immediately teared up reading your reply. I have started therapy, along with other emo stuff going on in my life. I also have a General Anxiety and Depression going on due to rape and unfortunate childhood. Thank you for mentioning. :) I will... eventually need to report it. Not sure if my parents would be able to man up this time and be supportive. Did you go through this similar stuff? Did you report your abuser? If so how were you able to?

 

[Adobe]

Physical reactions aren't the same as enjoyment.

It is sexual abuse, nothing else, just because your body reacted a cert...

I did enjoy it tho... :/ Until I found out it was an inappropriate thing to do.. And that was 17 lol. Wow wonder why it took so long

 

[Adobe]

You are old enough to dial the police and elect to get therapy. Consider following through with either action and he wil...

Yes that's right. I does terrify me by the thought of it though. Reporting is not something that I did not consider at all, but at the same time for some reason something that I did not pursue... Would I be able to file a childhood abuse even if I don't have any evidence though?

 

[Adobe]

Is your brother a similar age to you? Or considerably older?

I ask because it is not uncommon for siblings close in ag...

Hey there, he was 3 years older than me. He was messed up as a young age too. Poor thing.
He definitely was intentional enough to fool it as a game though.
Sucks to have family members as abusers.

 

[Ifala]

(Nejoba again)

he was 3 years older than me. He was messed up as a young age too. Poor thing

it had started somewhere between age 5-7.

So, initially, we have an 8-10 reenacting abuse that he has experienced himself? That doesn't excuse what he did, and doesn't change how you get to feel about it, please don't think I'm saying that. Your feeling are justified and I'm glad you're getting some therapy where you will hopefully be able to unlock some of the complexities of this. It is just not so black and white when it is children, I don't think, especially when they have experienced abuse themselves.

He is not a child now though, and he is responsible for the choices he makes as an adult.

Until I found out it was an inappropriate thing to do.. And that was 17 lol. Wow wonder why it took so long

This is worrying and suggests that you were maybe both growing up in an environment that contributed to this?
The thing is though, you did figure that out and you drew the line for your brother but he has continued to try to cross it. He is an adult now and, whatever his background, he is responsible for how he chooses to behave.