Childhood I just realized the label physical and sexual abuse applies to my experiences

[amicableDog6980]

I just realized that the label physical and sexual abuse applies to my experiences. It's not a new memory or anything but I didn't know that sexual abuse could be non-contact such as parents being naked in front of children. I didn't realize physical abuse could occur even though my parents had good intentions (to punish me or to protect themselves or some other logical excuse), nor did I realize that excessive force counts as physical abuse.

It took a lot of effort and a couple of years as an adult before I realized I was abused at all. I had thought it was just mental/emotional abuse which I know isn't any less serious than physical and sexual abuse but the realization that those labels apply to my experiences as well feels huge and scary and hard to accept. I might be willing to share more of what happened later but for now, I thought I'd start with this.

 

[SjMel]

I just realized that the label physical and sexual abuse applies to my experiences. It's not a new memory or anything but I didn't know that sexual abuse could be non-contact such as parents being naked in front of children. I didn't realize physical abuse could occur even though my parents had good intentions (to punish me or to protect themselves or some other logical excuse), nor did I realize that excessive force counts as physical abuse.

It took a lot of effort and a couple of years as an adult before I realized I was abused at all. I had thought it was just mental/emotional abuse which I know isn't any less serious than physical and sexual abuse but the realization that those labels apply to my experiences as well feels huge and scary and hard to accept. I might be willing to share more of what happened later but for now, I thought I'd start with this.

That's a huge and significant realization that not many come to see. It's easy to justify or dismiss when there are no marks that are visible but have become significant internal trauma that impacts us just the same. No broken bones, no lasting physical marks but trauma and abuse all the same.

 

[amicableDog6980]

I talked to my husband about whether spanking is abusive (a post on this site sparked the discussion). We came to the conclusion that I was beaten never spanked. That spanking isn't hitting a kid as hard as you can. Also if I didn't cry or get upset dad would spank me again because he thought it didn't hurt. It did hurt, I just was trying to tough it out and get on with life. Or ya know accept my punishment which is one thing my parents said I refused to do so they had to chase me around the house and physically drag me around for a spanking or a time out.

 

[SjMel]

I talked to my husband about whether spanking is abusive (a post on this site sparked the discussion). We came to the conclusion that I was beaten never spanked. That spanking isn't hitting a kid as hard as you can. Also if I didn't cry or get upset dad would spank me again because he thought it didn't hurt. It did hurt, I just was trying to tough it out and get on with life. Or ya know accept my punishment which is one thing my parents said I refused to do so they had to chase me around the house and physically drag me around for a spanking or a time out.

I live in Canada.

The Canadian government deems all forms of spanking to be child abuse.

I don't have any kids of my own but I do believe that it is better to instruct a kid or teach a kid then to exercise capital punishment. I realize that not every country deems spanking child abuse but I would have to say I agree with that and if I had kids of my own I would rather see kids learn privilege and responsibility ie watching TV is a privilege. Time on the internet is a privilege. Time out from seeing friends outside of school is a privilege. There are lots of tools available if parents have the discipline and consistency to make it work. You don't need to lay your hands on your kids.

But this is my opinion and the opinion of the Canadian Government. This might be a heated topic of discussion so I will say that I in no way seek to change your mind or debate the subject. I am just stating an opinion without making any judgement against how parents choose to raise their kids. Most parents just want the best for their children.

 

[amicableDog6980]

I live in Canada.

The Canadian government deems all forms of spanking to be child abuse.

I don't have any kids of my own but I do believe that it is better to instruct a kid or teach a kid then to exercise capital punishment. I realize that not every country deems spanking child abuse but I would have to say I agree with that and if I had kids of my own I would rather see kids learn privilege and responsibility ie watching TV is a privilege. Time on the internet is a privilege. Time out from seeing friends outside of school is a privilege. There are lots of tools available if parents have the discipline and consistency to make it work. You don't need to lay your hands on your kids.

But this is my opinion and the opinion of the Canadian Government. This might be a heated topic of discussion so I will say that I in no way seek to change your mind or debate the subject. I am just stating an opinion without making any judgement against how parents choose to raise their kids. Most parents just want the best for their children.

"The Canadian government deems all forms of spanking to be child abuse." Since when? I am also in Canada.

Also, I am open to debate it. I enjoy debating and hearing others' views, especially on ethically and philosophically messy stuff like this.
Also if we avoid talking about stuff because it's a hot topic then abuse can continue to thrive in the dark unspoken of places.

 

[Friday]

The Canadian government deems all forms of spanking to be child abuse.

That’s like approaching all kinds of “timeout” to be child abuse.

As BEATING a child, is different from spanking.
As locking a child in a basement, closet, box, attic, f*cktrove, etc.; is different from timeout.

Regardless as of the ‘normal’ forms of discipline, whatever the current culture of loving parents who want the best for their children… are the cruel abuses that NO ONE recognizes as anything beyond cruelty, and wrong. Except for the idiots & abusers involved. Who fight to the death over the so called “rightness” of abuse & cruelty. Which is never right, and no one else ever even whispers as justified. Abusers abuse. Regardless of what the current paradigm is. Neglectful eedjits couldn’t care less what the paradigm is. The minority of children will always be abused & neglected. Because most parents would fight to the death to avoid those outcomes, and the minority? Couldn’t. Give. A. f*ck. If you got saddled by the minority? That’s not your fault. That’s theirs. For choosing to be f*ckeot abusive assholes who don’t deserve goldfish, much less children. But? Still procreate. Be better than the abusive f*cktwist goldfish who created you. Or not. And continue the cycle of abuse & neglect.

 

[SjMel]

"The Canadian government deems all forms of spanking to be child abuse." Since when? I am also in Canada.

Also, I am open to debate it. I enjoy debating and hearing others' views, especially on ethically and philosophically messy stuff like this.
Also if we avoid talking about stuff because it's a hot topic then abuse can continue to thrive in the dark unspoken of places.

I guess I was wrong and mislead... Perhaps there was some confusion around the area when I last researched the topic which was a while ago. All the adults I am surrounded by who have children have been under the impression that all forms of spanking had been ruled as child abuse. Either way, it's not a debate I want to entertain. At this point, I respect the autonomy of all parents in how they raise their children with exception to what has been 100% ruled as child abuse.

 

[deno]

This is a big realization, and I just want to say—I hear you. It takes so much to even say these things out loud, let alone process what they mean. It’s one thing to live through something, but to finally name it, to recognize it for what it was—that’s a whole different level of understanding. And it can be scary as hell.

For the longest time, I didn’t think certain things in my past counted as abuse either. I had this idea that abuse had to look a certain way—had to be violent, had to leave bruises, had to be done with clear, malicious intent. And because my experiences didn’t fit into that narrow definition, I brushed them off. Told myself, That’s just how it was. They didn’t mean harm. Other people had it worse. But the thing is—intent doesn’t erase impact. And just because something was "normal" in my home didn’t mean it wasn’t harmful.

It’s weird how heavy a label can feel. Just realizing that the words physical abuse or sexual abuse apply to your story can shake you up. It’s like once you say it out loud, you can’t take it back. And even though nothing about your past changes, suddenly it feels different—like a shift in your reality. And that’s hard. Because part of you wonders, If I accept this, what else does it change? What else do I have to re-examine?

I get that feeling of resistance, of wanting to push it away. And if you’re feeling that mix of emotions—relief, sadness, anger, fear—you’re not alone. The fact that you’re seeing it for what it was now doesn’t mean you have to process it all at once. You don’t have to do anything with this realization today. Just sitting with it, just letting yourself acknowledge it—that’s already huge.

When you’re ready, if you ever want to share more, you can. But if all you do right now is breathe through this moment and remind yourself that you’re not crazy for feeling the way you do, that’s enough.

 

[amicableDog6980]

Thanks Deno! Seriously though just the acknowledging it and sitting with it feels so HUGE, and weird like this is really me? That actually happened to me. Like ya A happened to me I know that but that A is physical abuse....