Anxiety About Friends And Family.

[Seekingtruth85]

I have huge anxiety about my family and friends. I have had many life experiences that have gotten me to this state and it makes me really sad and depressed at times and I don't know where to start with asking for help on this. I feel like sometimes I just want to end things sometimes even though I know it would hurt family and friends. I don't know how to tell family and friends that this exists in my life and I don't feel like it would be easily believed for them due to beliefs. It's also made it very difficult to be employed from past life experiences of past employers as well. I am just seeking truth and normalcy for my life as well as healing. Thank you for anyone that can help with some advice on Steps that I can take.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't feel like it would be easily believed for them due to beliefs.

I dont know the situation or anything so i have to speak from mine.

NONE, No one, notta, zip, zero members of my family believe me; on my dad's side too (dad & mom been divorcided 22 yrs) and most of them still talk to my mom and my step dad when he was alive.

It hurts, a TON! I found myself for yrs obsessing over it, wanted to tell them what they wanted to hear to make them happy and make them like me again and talk to me again but it would be a lie. Im missing out on seeing my great (or grand) nieces and nephews growing up and being born and 3rd cousins being born and growing up.

Their drama even on facebook effected me so much that my therapist had me back away from them and block them.

Eventually i had to just accept it. It sucks but it is what it is.

My point is it doesnt matter what others think, believe or dont believe; validation comes from within, from you. And i am talking to myself here too!

Not sure if that helps any. :hug:

 

[Seekingtruth7]

I dont know the situation or anything so i have to speak from mine.

NONE, No one, notta, zip,...

It somewhat helps.. Thank you for Sharing. I am just have been in pain for so long that I just don't know how to handle it.. I will try and share what's happened maybe that will help. Me in getting help to know what to do.

 

[MCCS]

I actually just finished reading the chapter in the book "courage to heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis on Relating to your family now. It was difficult to read but essentially it says that there comes a time where you may need to take a healing separation from your family if they do not support you. This can last anywhere from a few days to 20 years. You have to do what's best for you. After estranged from your family for whatever time period seems best, you either continue with no contact or learn to accept them as they are. The only thing that can change is your perspective and understanding what they can and cannot provide support for you for. Not everyone is going to accept you or your struggles or even believe what you are going through or dealing with. It is your decision if you share your experiences and with who. Once you share something with someone you cannot go back to the way things were before so it should take a lot of thought weighting the pros and cons before disclosing personal information about yourself. Personally I have found it better sharing how I was feeling with regards to anxiety and depression with my family. Not everyone understood or knew how to support me through it but each family member showed they cared and supported me in their own way. It hasn't been easy but for me it has been better to be open and honest. My family isn't religious and has faced depression within the family before myself though which definitely contributes to how they've reacted. I have something else to disclose though and am currently wondering if it will be best to share or not so am in a sense going through this situation again.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It somewhat helps.. Thank you for Sharing. I am just have been in pain for so long that I just don't know how to handle it.. I will try and share what's happened maybe that will help. Me in getting help to know what to do.

I would talk to your therapist first, if you have one, before sharing.

The reason i say that is not all family memeber will receive it the same, and the reaction my family had can (and did me) throw you backwards a ton if you let it or arent properly prepared.

In 7 yrs of therapy, going every week, i likely spent a good 3rd or even close to half talking about my family. Is it worth it in the long run? Maybe, maybe no, but its worth getting advise from someone that knows you, your situation & trauma and even your family or whom you can express how your family and friends are.

And if they react my family did; though they are an extreme example and most dont; it is hard, trust me when i tell you that being exiled from your entire family and no one beliving you is hard; your family is supposed to love you no matter what and i doubt mine care if im breathing or not and though ive come to a type of acceptace; basically im gonna get better if they believe, talk to me or not BUT it is extra super hard around Thanksgiving for me cause thats when our family reuions were and christmas; but even when i hear someone say "oh such and such just had her fourth baby"...really, i didnt even know she had her first. It still hurts, a lot and very depressing.

Im not saying that your family & friends will do this, but im just stating that even if they do, it doesnt matter. Again, talking to myself too but all that matters is you; you validate you and you are on the road of recovery and bettering your life; and at the end of the day that is all that matters. We cant control anything except FAB; your feelings, your behavior and your attitude; everything else in this entire world is our of our control! :hug: