Im replying without reading the entire thread. Im dyslexic and just cant do that (would take me all day) so appologize before hand if anything has already been said.
Do people who do terrible, cruel things ever end up feeling bad about it later?
Some do, some dont. A psychopath for instance, doesnt have the mental anilty to feel empathy for others (putting yourself in their shoes) so they cant feel bad, guilt, shame etc for what they did.
But I guess I'm wondering what everyone else's experience with this is -- do you often hold on to hope that you will get an apology down the road? Or just operate on the assumption that the person who wronged you will suffer no repercussions and no
guilt for it?
It would be quite nice but i dont hold my breath for it. My step dad actually did appologize, the last time i saw him when i was 19 at my brother's wedding and many many years before he passed. My mother, yes, it would be awesome for her to even admit she did anything wrong let alone appologize but i cant base my healing on that, at all. I have to get better whether or not she even admits anything wrong occurred.
I dont even opperate on an assumption of 'judgement' or 'punishment' down the road as in the living here and now i refuse to take her to court for even a civil suit (complicated) and the non-living, not sure what i even believe about the after life or non-after life. Therefore, i find it much easier to just accept and move on.
You cant base healing off of justice or the abuser admitting wrong doing or not or feeling guilt & shame or not. You have to get better for you as you live your life, they dont, i dont, we dont, you do.
Can people be that oblivious?
Yes, it suprises me of what some people can be oblivious to.
Maybe he doesnt think what he did was wrong. Maybe he still wants power of you and his child. No one knows but him.
Will he ever regret this behavior or even feel bad about it?
No one knows this but him, and he may not even know.
Point is, focus should be on you and your child, not him; what he does or doesnt do, says or doesnt say, feel or doesnt feel etc pale and really doesnt matter so long as you and your child stay safe. What matters is you, healing you and raising your child in the best loving home absolutly possible. If he feels guilty or not doesnt matter, if he sees his actions, behavior, etc as wrong or not doesnt matter, if he appologizes or not doesnt matter (actually the appology i did get didnt even help); what matters is you.
Ive said this before but its a good thing to always remember. The only thing in this entire world you can control is called FAB;
your feelings,
your behavior and
your attitude; everything else in the entire world is out of our control and so therefore you get better regardless by dealing with you.
Hope this helps and sorry if its all has already been said.
