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Cruelty And Guilt

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While I agree with @shimmerz point as a general rule of thumb. You, @Casey_03 are making your own decisions based on what you know now. So, having that knowledge is all you can do, the flow on consequences are the future & I have never met a soul who can tell the future. Yes you have a plan & are making your own decisions. I hope it all works out for you. I am certain everyone wants your life to be as safe & happy as it can be. But if you hit a roadblock, then the welfare of you both will be determined by your decisions as every responsible parent must accept. You have a complex situation, you are vulnerable & whether or not the bio father feels regret, it's your decisions now that count. His desire to harm you & baby are causing you to consider your options. That's good. If you manage to rid yourself of derelict piece of scum & can provide a safe outcome for you & baby this is the best I am certain everyone wants for you. Leave him to rust out his head with remorse if he has the ability to have this kind of feeling.
 
You, Link Removed are making your own decisions based on what you know now.
Agreed. I have my own 'stuff' that had me posting with such fervor. My apologies. I absolutely was not intending on judging your ability as a parent. I am putting across (too much so) my (and others that I know) journey in trusting a system that I believed in and came to realize actually hindered my best intentions.
 
@Casey_03, I flatly am astonished by the complexity of your situation. And unfortunately have little to suggest. One of the more striking features of what is happening is that you have apparently well-thought-out reason to believe that your baby and you, both U.S. citizens, might be safer in Russia than in the States! It is terrible that you can't feel safe to come home!

I agree with others that while U.S. courts can be fair, it is never certaint that the people making the decisions will make favorable choices for the two of you. Even here in Texas, which has very strong child support enforcement laws, the courts can make outlandish mistakes.

I know of a one case, in which the father's attorney biased the court by first slandering the mother, then planting the suspicion that the pregnancy was part of a sordid attempt to entrap the father into blackmail, marriage or financial support. And that was not an international case.

As far as conscience in the father is concerned, he apparently has none. I'm sorry I can't help, but I do offer sincere hope that you and your baby can come to the U.S eventually.
 
Blackemerald has a VERY good point.
He probably has an arranged marriage that he's pledged to...or at the very least he will be expected to marry someone to advance his family's connections and interests.

Nonetheless? Any complications and roadblocks you can throw in his way, please do...
including either listing unknown as the baby's father...or finding a recent unmarried man's obituary in the paper and listing THAT MAN as the father?

That would just add another layer of gum-up to things, methinks?

...Wondering if you can legally change your name from abroad. Thinking not.

Since he has your current phone?
Change phones when you move and drop off all social media now, if you can do so career-wise.
Just save those texts to several locations, they are insurance.

Since a restraining order would have to be served...that might actually "out" him to his parents. Which is the last thing he wants, right?

...you have the threats he made.

You could...tell him you will never trouble him again, he can walk away, no worry...
But should there be more threats, you would consider that an open offer to forward all the threats to Mom, plus info about the pregnancy.

I DO NOT KNOW if that is a good idea. I don't. It might inflame the situation. I'm just putting it up to see what people think.
 
@Casey_03 the more I think about it & I surely believe you must be as that baby, grows & changes your life forever, but at the same time, worrying you about his next strike.

I worry too, that this rat bag you obviously had a deep connection to, at some point in the not so distant past... is firing warning shots because that is all he dare do!

You hope to go to Russia & live safely there. Do you have anywhere else, perhaps less obvious than Russia? I know you said you may have a job there but are not 100% sure. Do you have a plan B) should that not work out? Are you allowed to stay in Russia indefinitely without working? Are you entitled to welfare assistance if you do go to Russia with no work?

Do you have friends, family anyone who opposes the bio father... Oh & sorry for using the bio father label, because a real father steps up to the situation & supports in any way he can, not threaten to harm as he has!

Now, not wanting to get off your situation, but I was in a similar situation here in Australia. I realized too late, that I had more power over him than he led me to believe. So, though my son is now now grown up. He is deserving of any inheritance should his father meet his maker. So I plan when I can, to lob a few grenades into his life, only from a far distance under the vail of a third party, because I know he has lied his head off to the authorities. For instance he purchased a house whilst claiming to be unemployed. That is not doable even in Australia! & he too was a foreign citizen who in a moment off stupidity on his behalf signed the birth registration papers & then resumed his threats of retaliation just as you are receiving.

So, back to plan B) As suggested keep those threats he made very secure. Also do you have any item's that may contain his DNA, photos of him & you in times in the past. Anything & everything that ties him to you, I sincerely hope you safety store. You may need them one day & before they lose their DNA value, get them tested.

I think about his motive's all the time. I think you have more power than he.

Nobody can be for sure, but I believe any Court in the UK, would decide in favour of the child's welfare, first & foremost as I suggest his threats are designed to make you disappear.

Our court system very much derives from the UK system, we have many laws, known as the Winchester system that remain unchanged since our Country came into it's own independence. Family Law would likely be very much aligned with the English system.

I guess what I am suggesting is a bit more research into his Countries legal precedents may enlighten you to what he may or may not have the power to do. I know there are agencies who do pro bono legal work in the UK system, in international framework & family law. Some of whom would delight in forcing him to compensate you for raising his child, wherever you are.

The proof of burden (a legal term) lays at his feet to justify no child support to his child you are carrying. He must prove that his child is in the hands of an unsafe mother, which you are obviously not. Especially if you are in Russia & have employment & support to care for baby.

I, again believe he has much more to fear you, than the other way around.

I suggest you have a closer look at what & how UK courts have ruled & therefore made precedents they must take into judicial account. You cannot be the first woman in such circumstance.

Knowledge is power @Casey_03.

His threats to harm you & unborn child may be his biggest mistake ever.
Just a suggestion.
 
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Knowledge is power Link Removed

Another thought here. If, as suggested, you have safely preserved every scrap of evidence mentioned above, you may at some time call his bluff by telling hime clearly that if ANYTHING, even not traceable to him, but ANYTHING that happens to your baby and you, all of the evidence will be made public information, and a summary of it all will go especially to his family. You have those cards.

I might add that some U.S. and probably also UK journalists might love to take your story on your behalf and that of your child. You are very intelligent and obviously well-spoken, and those could be his worst nigthmares.
 
@blackemerald1 Right now, everything I do I am doing for the sake of having a job. That is the only reason I am currently living in Ukraine and contemplating moving to Russia -- because it is only in these two places where I will definitely have work. I cannot afford to not work, not at all. I will only have two months of maternity leave, and even then I will likely have to do some form of freelance work. I am not entitled to welfare in either Ukraine or Russia. The only other place for me to go would be the U.S. - but that would be catastrophic, as I have nowhere to live there and no money saved up to even rent an apartment. So for now, I am staying in Eastern Europe. I agree with you, to some extent, that I have more power than the father in this situation, but I think it is more complicated than that. Yes, I am having his child and DNA is proof of that, but that's not really the issue -- he's not denying the child is his, and he knows that this could be proven in court very easily. But he also knows that I don't have the money to hire a lawyer to take it to court. And I won't anytime soon. I have thoroughly researched UK legislation and spoken to countless NGOs about this -- yes, the law is on my side for child support, but I'd need a few thousand dollars just to file for child support (I can't file from Ukraine, I have to hire international lawyers to do it). As for pro bono lawyers, I've been recommended a few, gotten in touch with them and been told they can't help me because I don't live in the UK. So, most of the trouble in my situation stems from the fact I live in Ukraine, not the UK. If I were a resident of the same country as the father, it'd be no problem. The other thing is that even if I am someday able to file for child support, he will retaliate by claiming I am an unfit mother. He has saved messages I sent him while hysterical saying "I can't do this" and "I want to die" and he says he will use them in court. I know perfectly well that they are meaningless, especially since I said those things while he was verbally abusing me, and a court will look at more than just some old social media messages (they will look at my work history, my way of living, income, etc) ... but it is enough for him just to file such a law suit to ruin me, because to deal with such a law suit, I will have to take off work, I will lose money, etc. Since I am doing this all entirely on my own, with no family around, and I am the only one providing income, I simply cannot take the time or use the energy to start a legal battle -- and he knows this. Just as he knows I also can't afford lawyers.
 
Dam bloody rotten sod!
You do know if he loses your lawyer could & should make an application for him to pay all your costs.

But the down side to any legal battle is he could do what was done to me.

Stop working at least appear so, unless his family would not permit him.

Keep the money receipts he sent you too, just more evidence that's all.

Well, I send hugs & Bunny rugs...if you will accept.
 
@Casey_03 I know how that feels. My fiancée ran away with another woman when I was 4 months pregnant & worked my butt off to have some time with my baby when born. I worked till 10 days before he arrived, he was 2 1/2 weeks over due. But one morning I rolled out of bed & went to work, sat at my desk & thought no, this is it, so I went to my boss & asked him if I could go on Mat Leave. Told him I was super duper tired cos my baby was kicking me so hard at night I could not sleep. He was so kind he put me on time off in lie till my baby was born.
I wish there was something I could do for you besides just words. I know how lonely a pregnancy & sole parenting can be, especially when you only have yourself to rely on.

Please keep in touch. I am sure there are a lot of sole parents as members on this site, me amongst them who can give suggestions to help when you feel like you are getting to the end of your rope, or you just want to vent your feelings.

I admire your tenacity & hope you find a safe place to live, have a beautiful healthy child & can find a support system within your community to help raise your child.

As for the bio father, I cannot say enough expletives to give regarding his behavior. I would be booted off the site!

You are brave & intelligent
I wish you every thing goes well. Please stay in touch.

One last thing in my post about the Australian legal system I have to correct that I said 'Winchester' I meant 'Westminster' (predictive text can get one in trouble)
But, personally I think some one should get a Winchester & shove it up his you know what!
 
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