Hello,
This is my first post and I'm afraid I don't know how to talk about Ptsd. I've never researched it, I've never known anyone to have it - besides my wife - who just ran away. I admit it was foolish of me to not be attentive about her needs related to her trauma, but she also suffered from a immune disease, Systemic Lupus, which I gave most of my attention to.
My wife, her name is S, has Ptsd from rape. A random act that happened to her at a music show in the city when she was about 14.
Our marriage of four months is coming to a close now, I fear its too late for us. I wish to find understanding about her and what happened between us. Perhaps in the future I can be supportive, or, something other than another bad memory to her. I know know that everything we experienced in our relationship is related to Ptsd, after seeing a therapist myself. I believed it was me and my behavior - but now that I have prospective of my own actions, and after explaining S's behavior. It was evident to my therapist, and to me, S was suffering from Ptsd.
Our marriage was very good the first month. I didn't know she had PTSD at this point, she never admitted to it. Which I understood. She spoke so casual of the experience I did not believe that the nightmares and anxiety were still a reality for her. If I had known earlier I would have sought counselling for her and I. She did tell me she had Ptsd. She told me of the experience, the people who helped her, the treatment she received. And that was it - in my mind I believed she was telling me of the past and not the present.
Sometime within the middle of our four month marriage things deteriorated, S was never happy, always irritated, she had night-terrors. She blamed me for a lot of things, told me suspicions she had of me cheating, worried I was going to hurt her. These I things thought, for some reason. were not serious feelings. Because to me it was obvious and ridiculous that none of her worries were true. I assured her with confidence they weren't a reality, "nothing to worry about", I said.
They were to be worried about.
As time went on things became tense and S was in, what only now I know is, complete depression.
Last Friday she moved back to the city. I worried about her. She quit her job, took the car, and left with barely any reasons. She does have a new job, is seeing a therapist, and is returning to classes; to become a nurse. Since then we've been in irregular communication.
She says she wants a no-fault divorce. A no-fault divorce in our county of Maryland requires us to live separately for one year; I think. I've never talked to a lawyer, I want to stay with my wife. She wants to give me the car, leave all the money in the bank including all of her money. She says she wants a divorce so that I can be happy and so that I can live a normal life because she is too damaged and will never be happy with me.
This became so much suspicion. I thought, is she cheating, is she lying, what could it be? And she just called me to tell me when she wants to come move out her things. And I asked her, "is this happening because of the Ptsd?" And she began to cry; and for once everything made sense.
This is where I stand now. Not knowing enough of the right things to say to her. She says I'm a monster, that she doesn't love me anymore, that I'm mean, and that I've hurt her. I don't know if it's true? It's true to her, which is what matters. I'm left with very few options. I'm not going to fight her on this matter, she will have what she wants.
But I love this woman. I married her. I care about S.
I want to know what I have to do to not hurt her. I'm afraid what she wants will only hurt her, To live alone in the city where this all began. With no one to take care of her other illness. Before I met her she'd lived so meagerly. She couldn't afford rent or food alone.
Please, I need to figure out what is best for S. Can anyone who's lived with Ptsd or known someone who's suffered help me?
This is my first post and I'm afraid I don't know how to talk about Ptsd. I've never researched it, I've never known anyone to have it - besides my wife - who just ran away. I admit it was foolish of me to not be attentive about her needs related to her trauma, but she also suffered from a immune disease, Systemic Lupus, which I gave most of my attention to.
My wife, her name is S, has Ptsd from rape. A random act that happened to her at a music show in the city when she was about 14.
Our marriage of four months is coming to a close now, I fear its too late for us. I wish to find understanding about her and what happened between us. Perhaps in the future I can be supportive, or, something other than another bad memory to her. I know know that everything we experienced in our relationship is related to Ptsd, after seeing a therapist myself. I believed it was me and my behavior - but now that I have prospective of my own actions, and after explaining S's behavior. It was evident to my therapist, and to me, S was suffering from Ptsd.
Our marriage was very good the first month. I didn't know she had PTSD at this point, she never admitted to it. Which I understood. She spoke so casual of the experience I did not believe that the nightmares and anxiety were still a reality for her. If I had known earlier I would have sought counselling for her and I. She did tell me she had Ptsd. She told me of the experience, the people who helped her, the treatment she received. And that was it - in my mind I believed she was telling me of the past and not the present.
Sometime within the middle of our four month marriage things deteriorated, S was never happy, always irritated, she had night-terrors. She blamed me for a lot of things, told me suspicions she had of me cheating, worried I was going to hurt her. These I things thought, for some reason. were not serious feelings. Because to me it was obvious and ridiculous that none of her worries were true. I assured her with confidence they weren't a reality, "nothing to worry about", I said.
They were to be worried about.
As time went on things became tense and S was in, what only now I know is, complete depression.
Last Friday she moved back to the city. I worried about her. She quit her job, took the car, and left with barely any reasons. She does have a new job, is seeing a therapist, and is returning to classes; to become a nurse. Since then we've been in irregular communication.
She says she wants a no-fault divorce. A no-fault divorce in our county of Maryland requires us to live separately for one year; I think. I've never talked to a lawyer, I want to stay with my wife. She wants to give me the car, leave all the money in the bank including all of her money. She says she wants a divorce so that I can be happy and so that I can live a normal life because she is too damaged and will never be happy with me.
This became so much suspicion. I thought, is she cheating, is she lying, what could it be? And she just called me to tell me when she wants to come move out her things. And I asked her, "is this happening because of the Ptsd?" And she began to cry; and for once everything made sense.
This is where I stand now. Not knowing enough of the right things to say to her. She says I'm a monster, that she doesn't love me anymore, that I'm mean, and that I've hurt her. I don't know if it's true? It's true to her, which is what matters. I'm left with very few options. I'm not going to fight her on this matter, she will have what she wants.
But I love this woman. I married her. I care about S.
I want to know what I have to do to not hurt her. I'm afraid what she wants will only hurt her, To live alone in the city where this all began. With no one to take care of her other illness. Before I met her she'd lived so meagerly. She couldn't afford rent or food alone.
Please, I need to figure out what is best for S. Can anyone who's lived with Ptsd or known someone who's suffered help me?
