Does My Therapist Want Me To Melt Down?

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm not angry with him. I was inquiring as to whether or not he was pissed off at me.

Oh im sorry, i miss understood.

I doubt it. It just sounds like he's digging a bit. My therapist has dug at me a lot.

Why not ask him? I bet he says no and "why do you feel that way" ;)

I dont know feelings either and havent yet been able to tell my therapist any feelings but self anger, self hatred (including at my "child self") and just recently pain.

 

[sun seeker]

I got the distinct feeling he was trying to get me worked up.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Sort of. Sometimes at the beginning of an appointment my therapist will say something that triggers me, and then we spend the time working through the trigger. I've made a lot of progress during appointments like these, though they are a lot of work. But no, he doesn't try to get me worked up for no reason, and it's always at the beginning so there is time to work on it. I've learned to jump right in as soon as I notice this happening and communicate about what is happening for me so we can work on it. Could you ask? Something like "Hey, when you said [whatever it was he said] last time, it seemed like maybe you were trying to get a reaction from me. Is that true? What were you hoping would happen?"

Communication, communication, communication. Not always easy, but it's both a necessity and a byproduct of good therapy.

 

[Klo]

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I read the link describing your therapy appointment. I like the sound of your therapist. Sounds like he is trying to help you unlock things and trying to walk that fine line of pushing you without pushing you too much. I also agree with the feel I get from BlueOrange's post. For me, it was that anger and crying were not allowed when I was growing up as a kid. Any expression of anger or crying was met with physical punishment. So not only did I bottle everything up (and had it morph into severe problems by the time I was an adult), but now I have a very hard time acknowledging or expressing feelings of anger or sadness, without my fight/flight response going off. Very messy and complicated. I can relate to feeling like one must avoid showing anger at all costs, even in therapy.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I like the sound of your therapist.

Me too! Reminds me of my therapist, 'cept mine comes a bit more gentle and explains things a bit more but he def digs like that and tries to get me to see what he already knows, this (or things) connects to that in my past.

Its all in the healing proccess.

 

[Riot]

@sun seeker, thank you for your response, I agree with you about communication.

@Klo, sounds like you and I are very similar on that front. I do really think my therapist is fantastic at his job. I just don't know how to therapy, I guess. Even if I wanted to cry in front of him, I just feel like I can't.

 

[Klo]

I just don't know how to therapy

Well it's not your responsibility to know how, it's his, that is what he gets paid for. So don't sweat it, I would say. It sounds like he is actively engaging you in therapy and helping you along. What you described in that link was actually some pretty solid progress for a session, not sure if maybe you don't see it? Sounded like you did great to me. You had some memories coming to you, and you were honest about it and told him about the things you were remembering and thinking of. You did therapy just fine.

 

[Riot]

@Klo, what if I melt down, or dissociate, or have a flashback?

 

[Klo]

@Klo, what if I melt down, or dissociate, or have a flashback?

What if you did? Assuming you mean in the therapy session, with your therapist. I mean I am assuming you have had meltdowns, disassociation and/or flashbacks outside of therapy before, right? So how would it be different in the session? I know there is no tone in text, so I should also clarify that I'm not asking this with a flippant tone or anything, but just a straightforward, honest question tone. Like how do you think your therapist would react? How do you think you would react to your therapist being there? Just might be some thoughts to explore. TBH just telling a therapist that I'm afraid of disassociating in from them, could be enough to make me disassociate in front of them lol. So it could be worth it to check for hurdles in the way, before trying to leap the big one.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Even if I wanted to cry in front of him, I just feel like I can't.

You are so not alone in that! Ive only allowed tears once in therapy in 7 yrs and it was for just a few mins & choked them back.

Crying is VERY hard for me and very new so you arent alone.

Remember though, there cant be a safer place to cry then in therapy! :hug:

 

[Riot]

@Klo, I did mean in therapy, yes. I just mean, what if I get locked inside a flashback or something around my therapist? What are things I can expect he might do, or react to? What if I freak out in front of him, etc.?

@lostforgottensoul, indeed.

 

[Klo]

I just mean, what if I get locked inside a flashback or something around my therapist? What are things I can expect he might do, or react to?

Maybe that would be a good thing to have a conversation with him about? Because from what I read in that post you linked, it sounds like he is gearing up to try to push you into some breakthrough-type progress, but if you don't even know how he would react if you had a meltdown, I think it's pretty natural that you would feel anxious and inhibited by that. So I was wondering what you perceived would be the case, what would happen, how he would react, etc. From this post of yours it sounds like you don't know at all? If that's the case, I think it would be worth it to talk to him about it.

 

[Riot]

@Klo, I've never been in therapy before I started with him weekly last month. (This week I go bi-weekly. So, tomorrow morning, again.)

I'm not sure what you mean by, "it sounds like you don't know at all?"