Relationship Ptsd Alternate Personality Specifics?

[Deleted member 17302]

Could be rage. Perhaps brought on by exhaustion (stress).

That's what I am thinking. The stress she has been under has been for months and is only going into more stress when facing her birthday, her sisters birthday that is the same as the daughter that died, and the actual death anniversary which is shortly after the birthday and other huge stresses. I imagine she is riding the wave of stress but then again, she might just hate me for a reason that I wasn't ever given. She even said during the lucid moments that all that happened wasn't any of my fault, so it seems that the stress has induced this flipped personality. Don't think I'll know till after the death anniversary has come and gone.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The stress she has been under has been for months and is only going into more stress when facing her birthday, her sisters birthday that is the same as the daughter that died, and the actual death anniversary which is shortly after the birthday and other huge stresses.

The last recent tailspin i went through lasted 3 days (was the longest & worst one to date) and it started by a strong urge to cut & i had no clue why i wanted to (and did) & didnt til the tailspin stopped a bit. I was kicking the rock wall at work, slamming my head as hard as i could on the elevator, having massive urges to distory my house and throw my work PC across the room & smash up both monitors & also a massive urge to slam my fist through the mirror...and i pictured myself doing these things. Not sure ive ever tapped into that much rage that long before.

It started because its almost my mother's birthday (one of my abusers) and a month before the birthday of the baby boy my mother lost at 2 hrs old 2 yrs before i was born...all of the punishments, the rituals, the "you are a monster", the tricks, everything including the gun my mother handed me to beg me to kill myself with, happened about now leading to and past my own birthday (4/9) so a tailspin can last a long time & look a lot like different personalities.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

The last recent tailspin i went through lasted 3 days (was the longest & worst one to date) an...

Thank you for the insight. She also has said some incredibly jacked up statements during the episodes so I can see your mother saying those things if she was in a freak out stage. It is incredible how much PTSD will make you say and do that you would never imagine a human actually saying unless they were some kind of evil dictator or something.

You have been a very helpful and kind person. I greatly appreciate that.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I can see your mother saying those things if she was in a freak out stage.

My mother is a cult leader, but yeah I say f*cked up things just when my anxiety is high let alone in a tailspin. So i can see her saying and doing very f*cked up stuff in a tailspin.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

My mother is a cult leader, but yeah I say f*cked up things just when my anxiety is high let a...

Last month when everything went down was the month of our daughters birthday and her sisters 16th that fall on the same day. I imagine the holidays and everything have hijacked her. She even no show quit her job. The last time she did that was during a "tailspin" as you call it. I just can't seem to believe it too much or I hold out hope and that hope kills me even though I want to have that hope. It's a bad feeling path either direction but at least one path is more predictable and has a certain outcome of me ending up with someone else if I ever decide to try again. What I am I saying. Of course I am going to try again because a guy with a sex drive can't stay single forever. What a nightmare all this is.

Next month is the actual death anniversary so I imagine things won't clear up for her till after that. She had been saying things like she is amazingly happy and stuff and that was during last month when I know the birthday was. I imagine that was not quite a truthful txt she had sent.

Your stories of things really helps frame things though as if this is likely a PTSD event. I just can't seem to have a stable perspective on this situation at all.

 

[joeylittle]

Basically a PTSD episode that is mild but sticks. Like the evil twin version of her normal self.

If it's a version of herself, it's not a full-blown personality change. What you are describing - in my opinion - is PTSD, pure and simple. I don't think it's going to be helpful to look towards an incredibly rare and very, very difficult disorder to explain what can already be explained by the trauma experienced in the death of the child.

You also need to ask yourself: what you would call her 'normal self' - are you certain that is really who she is, or is it a way she acts only around you?

In both relationship difficulties and mental health challenges - it is useful to remember that you cannot change other people, only yourself. Your wife has a disorder, called PTSD. She needs to work on that.

Would it help you to use this time to turn more attention to what your own issues might be, and spend time doing self-exploration? Do you work with a therapist?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Your stories of things really helps frame things though as if this is likely a PTSD event. I just can't seem to have a stable perspective on this situation at all.

And you may not, she my not...i know i dont. I take day by day, sometimes min by min and every new damn thing by every new damn thing (seems to be all im getting now).

Tailspins happen after a trigger, thus how they sound...tailspinning outta control and until this last one, i didnt mind them much cause i always had a new awareness after, see things clearer, but it seems now that im deeper that i tailspin harder and for longer. Sort of a bleak view of the next one. Hoping my new friend to help keep me a bit grounded (him being one of many) as he's leading me through this (seeming to be very hard for me) DBT stuff but im hoping that i can grab (hopefully soon) this distracting & self soothing stuff to also do so.

Anyway, I do agree with @joeylittle on this one. Though comorbilty can and probably does exist (many disorders) PTSD is PTSD & w/ it comes A LOT of stuff that looks like other stuff.

I would either seek some therapy yourself (still unsure...may have missed it...if she's in therapy) or read as much stuff as possible on PTSD. The sourcebook I have is for both the sufferer & the supporter:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/007161494X/?tag=pf03-20

Its the one im talking about when I talk about my PTSD sourcebook. Im stuck in it right before the Recovery section though as right before that you are supposed to identify emotions (getting better at it), notice it (how can i not), let it pass you by (yeah trouble there) and what i really cant seem to do...go deeper. So been working on that for like 6 months or more.

Then got the DBT workbook:

Dead Link Removed

Both of them are books my therapist have and wanted me to get.

Thats the one im trying to get through. Had my imagined "safe space" in the beginning of Chapter 2 started (though cant seem yet to do anything in chapter 1 yet) but lost it after this last tailspin so now im trying to get it back. Sorta sucks and i struggled with that so much and my friend on the other site helped me get my mind to stop scaring me out of it and now i gotta figure out how to get that back.

Sigh!

Anyway, i didnt mean to make this about me, my point was, the sourcebook helps you to understand, truely understand how PTSD works, whats involved in it (a lot i didnt know would be part of PTSD) and if a supporter, how to support those suffering...if a sufferer, how to work through to getting better.

The other DBT workbook would be better for her but it wouldnt hurt to know mindfulness. I do admit, its more for BPD but the book does say it can help a lot of types of people...if anything to learn how to meditate or be silent (something i cant do at all right now).

Sorry, didnt mean to make this so long...hope some of that rambling was useful.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

And you may not, she my not...i know i dont. I take day by day, sometimes min by min and ever...

I've added the books to my amazon list for when I have some money to throw at it. Thank you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I've added the books to my amazon list for when I have some money to throw at it. Thank you.

You are very welcome! Browse the site too (other than the fourm)...i spend time reading a lot of Anthony's articles and they are very awesome...and he's got a ton of new ones written. They may help to! Also, no money, use google. Just inform yourself as much as possible. Thats seems to help me anyway.

 

[Tinyflame]

Something I've missed here, remember reading you said she said she can't bear the thought of homelessness (I get it), but didn't you say you're an engineer, & that she up & quit her job, & do you (both/ each) have somewhere to live? :( Are these things not indicating something may be going very wrong here? :( (Sorry if I'm not 'getting it'.)

I agree with @joeylittle above.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Are these things not indicating something may be going very wrong here?

Poor judgement? Low sense of self to not care? I could name many things that would "cause" someone to quit a job but fearing to be homeless. Ive done it, once...was young and dumb and in denial and an addict...but still did it...at that point, other than getting as many drugs as i could (without money) i dont think i cared about much.

Guess im glad for time (maturity), therapy, and soberity (though only been 2 yrs clean off the last one...its still 2 yrs).

Did i miss your point though? Sorry if I did...

And yep, I agree w/ JL too...there comes a time where you need to think about yourself and your mental health.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes sorry I wasn't clear, not my point, up & quitting/ leaving not entirely rare.

I mean, have these issues/ homelessness etc, been addressed? (Before the relationship ones?) (And is anyone working, etc? ie Basic needs/ responsibilities/ security/ safety required.)