Really Insulted

[Casey_03]

So, when my relatives back in the States found out I was pregnant several months ago, two of my aunts contacted me saying they were planning a visit (about a week after the due date). I assumed they were doing this to check up on me, because they know my mother is gone and there are no women in my life to help me with my first baby. A part of me was touched that they cared this much, even though the other part knew that their visit could end up being a nuisance. Anyway, I've just found out that now, one of the aunts is no longer coming, because she "doesn't want to get stuck babysitting." I find this comment ridiculously insulting and arrogant, because for one, i wouldn't even trust anybody else with my baby days after the birth, and two, she makes it sound like it was my idea for them to visit, as if i wanted to use them for assistance, when i never asked them to come in the first place. The other aunt, who is still planning to visit, has now contacted me and made it sound like she expects us to travel and visit other cities -- which would be impossible for me to do just days after the birth. I am now getting the feeling she'd want me to be a sort of tour guide, and i've had to translate for her. Even if she stays in town, i am now getting the feeling i'd have to act as a translator and help her with her visit. So in sum, one of my aunts has insulted me by claiming i wanted to use her as a babysitter, and the other expects me to provide her with a fun vacation. Neither of them actually wanted to help me in any way. What the hell? Am I right to be angry and insulted about this? Am I overreacting?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I would be insulted too and id tell the one aunt "i wouldnt ask you or anyone to babysit, my baby wont leave my sight" and the other one "im not planning on leaving my house much and wont be going to other cities" and see if they still come.

But thays just me. Today, with my insanity insulting, judgmental, gossiping family; im rather blunt.

 

[indianstar]

I totally agree with your feelings but at the same time i just want to say be careful and don't let them effect you or the baby! i would politely say to her thats it lovely that she is coming over but because you will end up being house bound for a long time it might be best that you can re-arrange. Making statements is better than questions:)

You will be a lovely mum and enjoy your time now, with your small family unit no one else matters

 

[blackemerald1]

I hope that upon arrival the Aunt will find out for herself that you cannot be a tour guide. She may be a little anxious about the trip & your expectations. Though you have not asked for babysitter help. She is at least coming.
I think/hope she will have the common sense to understand this on arrival.

Yes, I think you might be jumping a hurdle before you need to.

I think it is difficult to gauge her intent before she arrives.She will obviously not know the language so translation will be required, but that should not be a big deal.

Try & relax about this @Casey_03, you have more than enough to deal with already. Just try & go with the flow. It would be wonderful for your Aunt to visit & she may be a great support for you & baby, just having her visit.
You won't really know until she arrives.
As for the other Aunt who didn't want to get involved with the possible baby sitting scenario. This is her loss not yours.
Be gracious that one of your Aunt's is coming. As you said you will be not be in the position to be a tour guide, she will have to fit into your situation.

I think it is great that she is coming. Look forward to her visit, be welcoming. She may bond deeply with your child & that would be a blessing for you all.

If she has unrealistic expectations upon arrival. Tell her so.

 

[Friday]

I would be a combo of both infuriated/insulted & relieved (that I didn't find out they not only weren't there to help me, but were just planning on using me, and were inconvenienced by me??? :rolleyes: )

Dear Aunty Selfish & Aunty BeyondRude,

I'm deeply sorry, for what was clearly a complete misunderstanding. I was given to understand you both wished to visit me as soon as the baby was born in order to help out with a very difficult time in any new mother's life, much less a single mother abroad with no family nearby. I was so touched by what I thought was your kindness, that it makes learning your actual motives all the more heartbreaking. While I would have been thrilled to play tour guide & free hotel at virtually any other time, within days after giving birth, is an not only an outright impossibility, but also deeply insulting. It would be best if you planned your sightseeing trip when I'm not gushing blood for 6 weeks, on no sleep, adjusting to being responsible for an infant, all the while also juggling work, in a war zone*.

* Okay. Not strictly true, but country in conflict & transition doesn't have quite the same f*ck You vibe I was going for.

 

[hodge]

Casey, I would feel the same way as you. I am so sorry that neither of your aunts can be the support you really need right now. If I could afford to travel, I would come to help you. Lol, if you would have me, that is. Just try not to take it to heart. You deserve better. And if the other aunt comes, just be firm that you need to be with your baby. I think it's incredibly selfish for her to think you can be a tour guide days after you give birth. Unbelievable.

 

[Neverthesame]

Your in Ukraine right?

What about a tape recorded tour of При́п'ять (Pripyat)?

If you really want to be cruel, you can also switch the prussian blue, with distilled water with blue food dye...

They'll go back stateside from their vacation positively glowing. :devilish:---:sneaky:

(As per usual, suggestions I make in regards of gamma irradiating relatives, are for entertainment purposes only. Any attempt to do so, may result in injury and or unpredictable mutation to the affected parties genetic code. Please consult a physician if you or anyone you know has been in direct contact with fissile material. Or sitting on the microwave.)

 

[blackemerald1]

@Casey_03 you obviously told or let it be known you are pregnant to these Aunt's?

Who mooted the proposal for a visit after baby is born. Oh by the way, babies do not always arrive on due date. As you have mentioned in a previous Thread... your baby may well arrive early, but who knows baby may wait till after the due date...

I know what it is like to spend pregnancies alone, work full-time, birth my children alone, catch a cab home with a new born in my arms, unlock a place & have nobody there to help, support, share all the responsibilities that a sole parent must. I had no family to call, no one. Maybe, it hurt more that they lived in the same country as I & chose not to call, visit or show the slightest interest in my children or me. But, that is just history now.

What I am saying is do not become embroiled in "should I be anything... " Especially getting upset over who is visiting & what they will or will not do when they do visit.

It's not healthy for you or the baby to allow yourself & your baby to go into all this negativity. It simply is not worth it. There are too many unknowns in your immediate future to worry about what your Aunt's will or will not do.

Getting upset, insulted etc does nothing to help you carry this baby to full term. Nor does it do anything good for you post pregnancy.

It's a waste of energy. Energy that could be better spent on self care & keeping that baby happy. Pre birth & post birth.

You have accepted your sole parent status at the time you decided to continue the pregnancy alone. People will come & go in your life; some will be supportive, some may not. You have an overriding obligation now, that is this child.

Please try & keep some perspective on this issue. What you cannot control, is not worth worrying about. It is not worth the stress for you & baby.

If your Aunt or anyone else visit's from half a world away of course they are going to want to look around. No, you are not going to be able to be a 'tour guide'. This is nonsense, not practical, not in the best interests of you or the pregnancy/baby...if your child arrives on schedule.

You really need to embrace help & support if it is offered & deflect & protect if it is not.

If your Aunt visit's, make the most of it. She will be curious about the country you live in... so let her go explore.

She may well be a wonderful visitor with a practical nature & give you lots of support.
I don't know her. You do.

I suggest you keep calm & try to engage with a positive attitude towards her. Do not burn bridges over trifling issues. You have much more important things to concern yourself with.

Being a sole parent means you must be vigilant about yourself & your child. What is best for your child always comes first.

 

[Casey_03]

@blackemerald1 I guess the more important question is not whether I should be insulted but whether I should ask the one aunt still planning to come to postpone. If it were two aunts coming, as originally planned, I'd be confident that they can take care of each other and visits with me would be minimal. But if it is now only one, it sounds like she will expect more day-to-day help from me than I can provide. The fact of the matter is, it seems clear she is not actually coming to support me, and her visit might just erupt into a nightmare situation if I am expected to translate for her, go out with her, find things for her to do. Even if the baby arrives late, she will be coming days after the birth, when I will be barely sleeping, busy breastfeeding, and mostly staying in bed with the baby. So someone also needing me to act as an interpreter/tour guide during that time? That would be an impossible situation.

 

[Stickler]

Tell her to go to nice, peaceful, historic Prague and to hire another tour guide.
Preferably someone who didn't just pop a screaming, watermelon-sized object out of their vagina.

No, I don't really advise saying that. Merely thinking it really loudly and saying something far, far more diplomatic along the lines of " Why don't you come for the baby's first birthday instead?"

 

[Casey_03]

@Stickler That could work, or if I simply suggest that she bring a travel companion along to keep her occupied ...

 

[Stickler]

I have heard awfully nice things about Prague in regards to tourism.