I am so grateful that I’ve found this forum. Now I don’t feel completely alone in this journey. I only wished that I’ve found you guys sooner. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year (10 months to be exact). We started out slow wanting to build a friendship first, but have gradually gravitated into a relationship. We had a wonderful connection, good communication, and great chemistry between us. He’s a former Army soldier and served in the Iraq war. He was upfront with me and told me during our first phone conversation that he suffers from PTSD. I was hesitant at first. But after talking to him, I was intrigued. I wanted to learn more about him, but I was also doing research for me as well. I wanted to see if this was something that I could handle in my life, and up until about a month ago, I thought I could.
We were able to talk about his PTSD openly along with everything else. A couple months ago, roughly around the end of January; early February I began to take notice that he would get very irritable at work. He works for his local VA hospital. My boyfriend isn’t the type of person to use profanity, but he would get so upset that he would start cursing and cursed often! One day, he called me on his lunch-break and told me know that he felt that his PTSD was getting worse. He said his anxiety level was running higher than usual, and he had a hard time concentrating and remember things. My boyfriend does see a physicist on a regular basis for therapy, and he’s presently on medication to help him sleep at night (which hardly ever works) and to help reduce his anxiety. His doctors had been treating him for his disorder since he was diagnosed in 2009. The doctor thought it would be best for him to enter into an inpatient treatment program called ROVER (I can’t remember what the acronym stand for). We began to collect information on the ROVER program. He (my boyfriend) spoke with an intake specialist about the program, but ultimately decided not to go. He has a 10 year old son, and he’s a wonderful dad. He couldn’t bear the idea of being away from his son for 4 weeks.
As for he and I, we were very close. We would talk on the phone about 3 times a day, text several times daily, and spend nights over each other’s apartment 3 times a week. But over the past 6 weeks, he started drifting, becoming more distant towards me. It started with our sleep overs. He stopped inviting over to his place, and when I extent an invite to my place, he started asking for “rain checks”.There is no type of intimacy between us. Currently it is nonexistent. We haven’t been with each other in about a month. He’s completely lost interest in me. Then the phone calls and text messages began to slow down. When we do communicate its often very brief. Of course I’ve tried to reach out to him thinking that I might have done or said something to offend him. All the things I shouldn’t have done, I did. I didn’t put two and two together until it was too late. He is now on this avoidance mode. I thought because he’s been so opened about his PTSD in the past, and he always wanted my input on what would be best for him, that I missed all the signs that he was beginning to shut down. We had one final discussion about our relationship, before he went into complete shutdown.
He did manage to tell me that he wanted me to start dating other guys (and he was pretty insistent about it). He said that he never had a problem with me going out on dates with other men. I haven't dated anyone else since the beginning of our friendship. We’ve been exclusive for the past 6 months. I’m confused and at a loss for words. I feel like a toy that he finished playing with and now is trying to pass me off onto someone else. I did go out for lunch with an old male friend of mine (strictly platonic) over the weekend to clear my head and to take a moment to stop crying and to concentrate on me for a change. I had a great time that day and posted a “check-in” status on my Facebook page, tagging my friend in the message. My boyfriend saws the post; he seemed more elated than I was about hanging out with another man. I was taken aback by his reaction. I didn’t expect him to rip up a wall, but I also didn’t expect him to be “HAPPY” either. I don’t understand how he can be so accepting and comfortable letting me go out of his life. It makes me feel as though I never meant anything to him. Like what we’ve tried to build isn’t worth preserving. That it is replaceable at any time on his mark. Despite of being pissed off and heartbroken all at the same time, I managed to keep a calm voice tone and changed the subject. I asked him if he's been okay, told him I was happy to hear from him, and asked how he’d been managing (if any) his PTSD. His response, “OH, I’M DOING FINE, I’M GREAT! MY PTSD WASN’T THE ONLY ISSUE”. WHAT THE HELL!!!
I love this man so much, and I want to give him whatever he needs to get through this, but I don’t understand the person in front of me. I didn’t think I would’ve been the person he’d pull away from; since it seemed that he was always comfortable talking to me about this. Now, I can’t help but feel like I might have lost a close friend as well as the love of my life for good! I regret not recognizing signs early on so that I could’ve act quickly by giving him the space he needed when started to drift away, but I wasn’t prepared to deal with his avoidance toward me. I felt like I woke up one morning and suddenly became his enemy. Does a PTSD sufferer every comes back around after the avoidance period? Or is this love story history? PLEASE HELP!!!
We were able to talk about his PTSD openly along with everything else. A couple months ago, roughly around the end of January; early February I began to take notice that he would get very irritable at work. He works for his local VA hospital. My boyfriend isn’t the type of person to use profanity, but he would get so upset that he would start cursing and cursed often! One day, he called me on his lunch-break and told me know that he felt that his PTSD was getting worse. He said his anxiety level was running higher than usual, and he had a hard time concentrating and remember things. My boyfriend does see a physicist on a regular basis for therapy, and he’s presently on medication to help him sleep at night (which hardly ever works) and to help reduce his anxiety. His doctors had been treating him for his disorder since he was diagnosed in 2009. The doctor thought it would be best for him to enter into an inpatient treatment program called ROVER (I can’t remember what the acronym stand for). We began to collect information on the ROVER program. He (my boyfriend) spoke with an intake specialist about the program, but ultimately decided not to go. He has a 10 year old son, and he’s a wonderful dad. He couldn’t bear the idea of being away from his son for 4 weeks.
As for he and I, we were very close. We would talk on the phone about 3 times a day, text several times daily, and spend nights over each other’s apartment 3 times a week. But over the past 6 weeks, he started drifting, becoming more distant towards me. It started with our sleep overs. He stopped inviting over to his place, and when I extent an invite to my place, he started asking for “rain checks”.There is no type of intimacy between us. Currently it is nonexistent. We haven’t been with each other in about a month. He’s completely lost interest in me. Then the phone calls and text messages began to slow down. When we do communicate its often very brief. Of course I’ve tried to reach out to him thinking that I might have done or said something to offend him. All the things I shouldn’t have done, I did. I didn’t put two and two together until it was too late. He is now on this avoidance mode. I thought because he’s been so opened about his PTSD in the past, and he always wanted my input on what would be best for him, that I missed all the signs that he was beginning to shut down. We had one final discussion about our relationship, before he went into complete shutdown.
He did manage to tell me that he wanted me to start dating other guys (and he was pretty insistent about it). He said that he never had a problem with me going out on dates with other men. I haven't dated anyone else since the beginning of our friendship. We’ve been exclusive for the past 6 months. I’m confused and at a loss for words. I feel like a toy that he finished playing with and now is trying to pass me off onto someone else. I did go out for lunch with an old male friend of mine (strictly platonic) over the weekend to clear my head and to take a moment to stop crying and to concentrate on me for a change. I had a great time that day and posted a “check-in” status on my Facebook page, tagging my friend in the message. My boyfriend saws the post; he seemed more elated than I was about hanging out with another man. I was taken aback by his reaction. I didn’t expect him to rip up a wall, but I also didn’t expect him to be “HAPPY” either. I don’t understand how he can be so accepting and comfortable letting me go out of his life. It makes me feel as though I never meant anything to him. Like what we’ve tried to build isn’t worth preserving. That it is replaceable at any time on his mark. Despite of being pissed off and heartbroken all at the same time, I managed to keep a calm voice tone and changed the subject. I asked him if he's been okay, told him I was happy to hear from him, and asked how he’d been managing (if any) his PTSD. His response, “OH, I’M DOING FINE, I’M GREAT! MY PTSD WASN’T THE ONLY ISSUE”. WHAT THE HELL!!!
I love this man so much, and I want to give him whatever he needs to get through this, but I don’t understand the person in front of me. I didn’t think I would’ve been the person he’d pull away from; since it seemed that he was always comfortable talking to me about this. Now, I can’t help but feel like I might have lost a close friend as well as the love of my life for good! I regret not recognizing signs early on so that I could’ve act quickly by giving him the space he needed when started to drift away, but I wasn’t prepared to deal with his avoidance toward me. I felt like I woke up one morning and suddenly became his enemy. Does a PTSD sufferer every comes back around after the avoidance period? Or is this love story history? PLEASE HELP!!!
