Trust

[Friday]

Got Trust Issues? ;)

For me this is an ongoing thing. The way I have to work it (so far) is that trust is a learned & earned thing.... And it's super variable. Like a music display with highs and lows, or a snowflake with many different sized "arms". I might trust someone to keep my kid alive that I wouldn't trust to make pancakes. And vice versa. Otherwise trust becomes extremely black and white to me... And I very literally trust nothing & no one, or trust everyone (same thing).

At present I do not completely trust anyone in my life, although I have, in the past... Most of those blokes are dead.

How do you trust?

 

[atwistedfate]

Got Trust Issues? ;)

For me this is an ongoing thing. The way I have to work it (so far) is that tr...

You say you don't trust anyone yet you come here and tell people what's going on in your life what you have isn't a trust issue it's a you issue

 

[Sighs]

@atwistedfate - wow. That is a very interesting approach from a new member of this site.

Telling people things anonymously on a forum does not mean that you do not have trust issues.

Again - just wow.

 

[SeanCharles]

Got Trust Issues? ;)

Yes, Yes I do!

I don't completely trust woman in authority over me. I do trust women whom I'm friends with to a greater extent than those in authority over me. Am I trusted by the women in authority over me? Some more than others. Depends really on the women and their motives. Am I confusing here? hopefully not. This is a topic/area I really do need to explore and work on/with/through.

 

[Sighs]

@FridayJones - My vet definitely has difficulty trusting people. Who wouldn't when you (and by that I mean both you and he) have seen for yourselves what humans are capable of doing to each other?

Aside from those kind of "lasting trust in relationship" type issues, on a bad day he also can't trust me to do shit like shut the fridge door properly. So he checks up on me constantly like I'm some kind of sheltered workshop employee he got saddled with for the day. (I am a professional with two university degrees but on the other hand I can't tell my left from my right so he has some cause for frustration! ;) )

He will often say to me "TNC honey T. N. C!" (Stands for Trust No C*nt)

He also says "All women are treacherous. Some are just more treacherous than others." (His ex let him come home from Afghanistan to an empty house with no warning she was planning to leave him... Sigh!)

 

[Kailani]

I give people trust until they screw me over or lose my trust. If they lie, break too many plans, are mean to their animals or kids around me, and like you depends on situation. Some people I will share stories but don't trust their driving ha ! Being hyper vigilant has the benefit of picking up on things before they are issues so the couse can be altered before problems occur. That's just what I do. Situational trust and if I can slowly share information and be accepted then I feel safer. If there is resistance or avoidance I back off and carpementalize them into a different category; work friend, neighbor, neighbor friend, good friend, best friend, aquaintance, risk, enemy, someone I like but can't fully trust like a dr, nurse, counselor because they are paid and have to report observations and may misinterpret... Good question!

 

[Hope4Now]

I have learned about myself that although I THOUGHT I could trust some people for some things, fundamentally I trust nobody. Not even myself.
I trust in little pathetic bite-sized pieces. Significant others. Babysitters. Therapists. Even me--to do what has to get done. But really, trust? NOBODY.

And this really, really sucks. Because what I want more than anything else right now is to be able to trust. To let go into that.

I SUCK at those activities that require trust. Even though I used to run them for other people.

 

[rainy_daze]

I trust in a similar way to you @FridayJones ; I have varying degrees of trust for different people. However I no longer swing to the extreme of trusting everyone, which was often my mistake in the past.

I don't think the way you trust is uncommon Friday, especially around here.

 

[watundah]

I trust my spouse.
She will disagree.
I'm doing the best that I can and struggle with her doubts. Maybe it's her problem? Unrealistic expectations?

I want to trust more people but I'm a big phobe. Is there a word for fear of trust? Trustophobe?

 

[Stickler]

@atwistedfate...I tell anonymous people my garbage here under a fake name. It's a calculated dropping of barriers.
The people I tend to feel safer feeling close to on here are the ones not in my country! Far far away people.

I can tell my therapist horrible stuff but I pay her to be nice to me, and she's a professional. It's her job to help me with this crap.
Meatspace friends? Oh HELL no. Family? NOPENOPENOPE.

We're all here to talk to people who "get it." which takes a calculated amount of trust. Trust ain't ever an absolute thing.

Trust is like a savings account in my world.
But you start with a basic balance, because I give people the benefit of a doubt at first. Trustable behavior slowly builds up the balance...but nasty behavior bears a super steep penalty.
My ex-guy cleaned out his account pretty much in one go. He'd been accruing some trust for 4 & 1/2 years.
My ex-wife lost it over time.
As I get older and become less of a doormat, it takes less for me to withdraw trust.
When someone shows me who they really are, I'm becoming quicker to believe it.

 

[anthony]

Trust, to me, is on a sliding scale. Trust is earned, not deserved, in my eyes, however, I also have different levels of trust appropriate to different aspects of my life and people I meet.

I view things a little like this with people in relation to trust: where is the limit for you to break my trust? That is basically the testing question I apply to each and every person. I devise this for myself based on discussion with the person, experience, length and depth of time known and interacted.

A simple example is: "If I dumped $1 million cash in front of you, would you steal it from me?" That is a simple version of my process.

It deviates, and my scale literally slides per person, per situation.

 

[Sideways]

Always been an "earned" thing for me. Grade 2 teacher - dumb @rse that couldn't give a hoot, thinks I'm going to trust her just coz she's my teacher? Nup.

And yeah, it ebbs and flows with the status of the relationship, and what I trust them with depends on their role in my life. Trust my T heaps, but still don't trust his driving me round, coz that's weird and it's not what he's there for, so I ain't getting in that car Mister!

Right now, trust reservoir is at an all time low...so I'm going to apply for a Service Dog instead.