How?

[ladee]

You said you were lazy and untrustworthy, I don't know if that is true or not, not knowing your personally but I do know, from my own experiences that healing did not come to me, I had to seek it out. And then do the work that was suggested. Just being needy didn't get me very far. Hope you take some of the suggestions offered and see what you can do about this, to help yourself. sending hugs of understanding.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Snowflake
Take a break, calm down a bit :hug:

 

[Ronin]

Lazy can be good (and doesn't mean ineffective / incapable in my book) - it's knowing the timing of things and pursuing things in their own time, without rushing just because there's a dictate of speed around.

Untrustworthy greatly depends on who's judging. & What they themselves consider trustworthy, and, same as above, it can be said some times people are just not worth acting trustworthy for, because they themselves aren't worth much.

So, whose criteria do you measure and value yourself by, may be a good start to change.

How does one get over being needy (or: in-need)? By meeting those needs.
Hunger goes away with being fed. So does thirst.
Neediness and needing, are legitimate states. They're not a bad thing to get rid of.

 

[Ronin]

mine does nothing because of BOUNDARIES

Think of this way: she is a teacher who's letting you find out what you need, and how much of it, and when, on your own.

So you have the first part as a gift - giving you space to be finding yourself in - the second part is identifying what /exactly/ do you need, and the third part is going after it. Voila, she's not needed as badly - with the same despair - any more, and you can do different things when with her, for you know already how to soothe yourself, by that point, and have a minimum to feel comfortable met. All by your efforts.

 

[The Albatross]

"How does one get over being needy? Or feeling small?"

I did a lot of goal setting and endeavored to create and set up situations to gain competency, confidence and develop management/coping skills to over-write the old experiences with new ones where I was successful.

Added in edit... SMART Goal/Challenges are awesome: Da link
Dead Link Removed

 

[joeylittle]

I am just struggling on finding help. I am lazy and untrustworthy -taking a chance is difficult. Getting through each day is hard without something/someone who knows about ME.

Can you enroll in a partial hospitalization or intensive outpatient program? Or, do a DBT program concurrently? Has your therapist suggested any of these ideas? I understand about feeling that gap between having people who know you, and just trying to do lots of random-seeming coping skills; for me, having the support of an additional program really helped me bridge that.

 

[Snowflake]

Now I feel crazy

 

[joeylittle]

Why?

 

[Snowflake]

Why?

Hospitalization is for the "sick" - I am not sick, I was abused and now I am alone and feeling overwhelmed with the memories- I will lose my job if hospitalized and possibly what's left of my family.

 

[Snowflake]

i am not crazy! I am alone!!!!!! I just want someone to tell me my feelings are normal-I don't want to feel what happened was my fault. I want a hug, I want someone to just care about me despite my childhood.

 

[joeylittle]

Hospitalization is for the "sick"

Well, first off, no - what I'm talking about are both outpatient programs. Not overnights. You should look into them, seriously. Either you put the supports in place that you need and get some relief, or you keep suffering - that's your choice, but really, getting the support is a lot better.

I just want someone to tell me my feelings are normal

You feelings are normal. It's hard, so hard, I know - everyone on the site knows. And these are feelings that are so bad they hurt, physically hurt. You aren't alone in this. We all go through this, many of us are going through the same things right now.

I'm sorry you are feeling alone. I know that feeling, too. It's why, for me, getting onto some programs made everything so much more doable. And, you can still keep working, quite often. Depends on your schedule.

 

[Snowflake]

Well, first off, no - what I'm talking about are both outpatient programs. Not overnights. You shou...

I will talk with my therapist tomorrow or try to. Thanks for your advice, help and listening ears.