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Avoiding Men who look like my father

lunamasri

lunamasri

New Here
I avoid men who look like my father like the plague. Irish pink skin stained from sun damage and the look of their hands makes my stomach hurt. Its ironic a little because other women ive talked to my age are nervous to travel places I go alone, but i feel the safest in places like Jordan or Egypt. When im in my home country of America, I see a lot of men that look like my father outside and everyday I feel my nervous system unsteady. I feel it worse if I catch one of them gazing at me, it feels me with a feeling of disgust so I dress in big clothes and rarely straighten my hair like my father said looked best. It feels stupid to avoid a group of men who share my heritage, but the sight of them makes me sick to my core. Sorry if thats offensive, but im sure maybe someone relates as Irish people dont exactly have the greatest epigenetics lol. Or if anyone else avoids people also so I dont feel too stupid? Thank you
 
It's natural to be wary when we have experienced trauma. But, it also limits us as we're lumping all sorts of good people in with the bad.

Do you want to work on this trigger?

I've managed to work on similar triggers related to men. I no longer cross the road when there are groups of men or get triggered. I can actually have conversations and be 'normal' around them. It is a lot better and less stressful.
 
Yes thats a good point I dont want to avoid a whole group of people indefinitely. I feel fine with men who look nothing like him though so its confusing on where to start with fixing this. If possible, can you tell me some things that worked for you to get through some of your triggers around this? Thank you so much
 
lunamasri said:
I avoid men who look like my father like the plague. Irish pink skin stained from sun damage and the look of their hands makes my stomach hurt. Its ironic a little because other women ive talked to my age are nervous to travel places I go alone, but i feel the safest in places like Jordan or Egypt. When im in my home country of America, I see a lot of men that look like my father outside and everyday I feel my nervous system unsteady. I feel it worse if I catch one of them gazing at me, it feels me with a feeling of disgust so I dress in big clothes and rarely straighten my hair like my father said looked best. It feels stupid to avoid a group of men who share my heritage, but the sight of them makes me sick to my core. Sorry if thats offensive, but im sure maybe someone relates as Irish people dont exactly have the greatest epigenetics lol. Or if anyone else avoids people also so I dont feel too stupid? Thank you
Click to expand...
The part where avoidance mostly holds until someone gazes at you seems like the hardest thing to plan around, because you can build a whole situation that keeps you mostly okay and then one thing breaks the logic of it and your body just goes, and you dont have a buffer for that moment. i've been on a waiting list for a therapist since February, so I can't tell you it gets easier, but you don't sound stupid and this doesn't sound made up.
 
lunamasri said:
I avoid men who look like my father like the plague. Irish pink skin stained from sun damage and the look of their hands makes my stomach hurt. Its ironic a little because other women ive talked to my age are nervous to travel places I go alone, but i feel the safest in places like Jordan or Egypt. When im in my home country of America, I see a lot of men that look like my father outside and everyday I feel my nervous system unsteady. I feel it worse if I catch one of them gazing at me, it feels me with a feeling of disgust so I dress in big clothes and rarely straighten my hair like my father said looked best. It feels stupid to avoid a group of men who share my heritage, but the sight of them makes me sick to my core. Sorry if thats offensive, but im sure maybe someone relates as Irish people dont exactly have the greatest epigenetics lol. Or if anyone else avoids people also so I dont feel too stupid? Thank you
Click to expand...
I understand I avoid people who act like my mother… I become unglued inside. I learned it best for me and my wellbeing. I am protecting myself. I used to force myself to try, those days are over. Nothing stupid about it, self preservation and to be honest I can’t visit the US. Too many triggers for me.
 

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