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I live in an apartment complex for seniors. I live at ground level and have a mini garden. I rent from a company, who have have another company who does the gardens of the complex. Last year I agreed with them that they would skip my garden. They were pruning everywhere yesterday, also in my...

Yes , I was able to dissociate on command, during the day. And at night to get into a relaxing state. Imagine all kind of thought circulation inside your head. A recycle station of the same thoughts, were put aside (binned) by doing this thing.

My guess is that you are extra vigilant, and can't turn back to a normal state. Partly you are able, maybe just to function. I also have sound sensitivity. This was kind of always there, lately it became so bad I had to go on sick leave. Anxiety is coming up out of nowhere as well. In my case...

Somehow a part of the technic has returned yesterday night. Not in the same way as it was before, but it is a start. The last couple of years I used the technic to fall asleep. You're focused on the scene you're making up in your mind. Playing this or the other, who meets up with some special...

For the Exposure therapy, I had to record the session. Every day I should listen to the recording at a different time and place in my flat. Next I have to fill in a sheet with my anxiety levels, before, at its highest peak and after. The first 2 days the anxiety was high. But lower though on the...

Yes people I collected glass jars in the past and smashed them against a wall outside. I feel though that this time things were different. But I'll try and see in a couple of days. Find something tricky, that makes me go over the edge. The password was correct.

What just happened? After I thought about the above, I said to myself ; You're life has been fcuked up by your brothers. They sexually abused me over several years. It's no wonder you're so angry. Whole my life I felt if I was abnormal. So many things I couldn't do. For example having a...

I can lose my temper in a spilt second. I was trying to open my email on my laptap. This didn't work; wrong password. The password was right. I am 1oo% sure. Than I get so fffff angry, I start to scream and shout. Next I begin throwing anything that's near me. I don't care anymore if I damage my...

Dear Dominika, You have experienced this as something very bad and scarry. And it was. This shouldn't have happened. It was abnormal behavior by your father. A father has to protect his child. I did the same thing as you do now. I compared myself to the others who had been abused so badly. I...

Today I had exposure therapy. I found it very difficult to do this. I have memories, but there are parts I can't get to. It's a fog I can't see through. In exposure therapy you go over the event(s) in as much detail as you can. And you speak as if things are happening now. I had to record...

Not so long ago I was together with at least one imaginary friend. This began at the age of 12. First there were teachers and I played (in my mind) that there was a boy who had problems at home. Something totally different than what going on in reality. Later the teachers became celebrities...

In a shop it are the sounds that overwhelm me. At a social event, I am afraid people get to close. I've built an invisible wall around me that keeps everyone at a safe distance. You talk about daily stuff and that's it. At the moment I'm unstable and am afraid to breakdown while other people are...

Thanks for the reactions. I find it difficult to be assertive. And I also want to do things with other people. It is like there are 2 different sides in me. Yes perhaps go for a short while.

I got invited by my sister and friend to go to a dinner. That's 2 different events. They know what's happened in my past. They also know I have cptsd. I think people don't understand thar cptsd is a complex psychological illness. And it doesn't have a guide book that we or other people can...

This was the reason for me to go back to therapy. Not being able to go into my secret world. The other dimension. I began to hear every kind of sound. Couldn't go into a shop. Had to stop work. I verbally attacked people on the street. I'm still in the middle of it. I have a nc headphone, but...

I feel for you. You are not to blame. You were 8 years old when the abuse began, a child.. I was 11. Neither you or I did ask for it.

I am recently diagnosed with cptsd. I had therapy before but have started again. Because my dissociation technic is failing the last few months. Error 313. I m hearing everything now and get upset and what not. I can hardly do anything anymore. I am afraid that things will go wrong, or I"ll get...