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How did it go (if you've seen her yet)? I think one of the hardest things for me was when i told therapist a lot of stuff, at some point he said something that really overwhelmed me because in some way.. his reaction (basically to say that I survived at least 10 yrs of sexual abuse) was aligned...

I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner. Therapist and I talked a lot about trust before I think I felt safe enough to talk about it. I think it's so hard because when we are very young, things probably didn't feel wrong, we didn't know they were wrong, and in some fully objective sense, and i mean...

Not crazy, and I have had a lot of difficulty with this myself lately, a LOT is coming up and some of it in the realm of stuff not remembered or barely remembered, what's left are body memories, fragments, intuitions. I made a pact with myself: it doesn't really matter how much I can verify...

I think Kla means convulsions. I've had something that looked like convulsions from anxiety that is very extreme. I had a panic attack recently out of the blue, just walking in downtown with an old friend. I couldn't understand why I was suddenly feeling faint and nauseous and cold and hot and...

North of the river, here, but easy to get to North Station. Would be interested. Maybe @Jemini would too. Would've thought after April that there'd be stuff available with so many people affected, but never found anything. Maybe was all downtown. If anyone organizes anything would be good to...

We are going to a new couples therapist today. Last night was a mix of what @stuff describes, I had overwhelming crying/shutdown while trying to communicate, and it basically imploded our attempts at communicating, J felt controlled, I felt controlled, and we had to stop. We took a walk and then...

I'm in a different house. Different town. Alone. J has been very much struggling but we saw each other and have been having constructive conversations. I haven't been here in a while. I guess there's just been so much transition. I went to the mountains and it was so quiet. I didn't realize how...

I hope he comes back. I hope we can work it out. But the boundaries I set made things even worse. Eating yogurt for lunch at 2.

Thanks. Yeah. I felt panicked yesterday when I woke up from a nap and all these footsteps were going on in the house. It's hard. I hole up a lot. I'm really really sad. I miss J. It's hard to explain but I'm really worried about him but I'm needing to take care of myself. I hope he's taking...

Thanks guys. I've managed to see a couple people and get a good meal. I also managed to make myself a real meal at the house too. I have more to learn. I think I do need a list, that probably helps. I also need to look at the food there and what meals I want to make. That can help avoid...

I don't know how to talk about it. I got "more" (in the form of an email message) this morning. I'm afraid of people. Any people. It doesn't matter who or where. (this isn't the "it") The day I came, I slept on the couch and had all my stuff just in the living room. Friend took most of the day...

I feel like I'm disappearing. I can't really figure out what to do with myself right now. I feel upset. Not sure I want to talk about it because it's petty. Or not petty, it's just small. It's so small, I realise that it's ... I'm just way too sensitive. So now I'm hiding. Trying to regulate...

Thanks all. I'm overcome with waves of sadness because I miss @Jemini and this is all also wrapped up in how much we've struggled, and how I'm going to face some of the same struggles being on my own. I feel lost. I feel so weird going to the grocery store and just ... wandering around...

I'm temporarily taking space and staying in a friend's room while she's off volunteering elsewhere. I just got here, am washing the sheets, unpacked my stuff. It's a situation with three other housemates. This is the first time ever that I've been independent. I titled this "semi-independent"...

I hate eating :( I'm staying at a friends', with housemates. Their policy is really lax; there's a lot of food sharing, and sometimes one of them makes lentil daal or some other good vegetarian thing for communal eating. There are some things I need to buy because I want them for myself, like...

Well, just thought I'd post to say I slipped on the smoking thing. I don't intend to continue, but I got to a really bad place and bought a pack. Just bought another. Sigh. I'm just not a perfect human, eh. I'm trying to be kind to myself. I know smoking is activating and has worsened my ibs...

I say that I have been depressed since I was 8. I don't know if that's an exact age, but it's somewhere around there. For the most part, I just live with Dysthymia. Sometimes it doubles up and I'm clinically depressed. Sometimes I don't even know what is going on, it's just a mash of feeling and...

I often feel that the pain isn't real, and making it real by self harming in whatever form, makes it more real on the outside. I didn't eat today until 2pm after a horrid meltdown and then waiting until extremely faint to eat again tonight. Something about creating a crisis that makes everyone...

I lost it today so badly that I ended up having my speech just go out the window. Like I was trying to talk and gibberish was coming out. Thoughts were disorganized but I also couldn't produce words that went with the thoughts that made any sense. It was like I reached such a high stress load...

I talked to Therapist today about maybe ED. She gave me this packet of questionnaires. I did them, but the questions on the ED one were focused on behaviours like measuring thighs or wrists, or lying on the floor to see if one can feel their bones. When I go to someplace like something-fishy.org...

This is helping stay more calm and less reactive. Thanks Kas

I'm so glad to find this thread. I love all the art. I'm glad to see so many people expressing themselves this way. There's so much feeling and soul coming through. I'm getting back to painting in watercolour (I usually do acrylic but lately watercolour has been my medium of choice).. This...

I can identify with learned helplessness or ________. I have the same challenge when it comes to calling my therapist, which she has asked me to do if I'm feeling in a bad spot, and yet I feel I can't. Lately I haven't been able to phone crisis lines either. But have you tried that? It can be...

Sorry anxiety is that bad. :( I can get stress to the point of being in so much pain I'm immobilized by it, no one has ever been able to diagnose it but I've had my share of EKGs and even an inpatient cardiac stay. It's scary to have anxiety so bad you end up in the ER. I hope P comes through.

Not what I want to hear, but appreciate an honest opinion and support, over platitudes that don't mean much to my safety or J's. Thanks rg. It seems like calm in this household has amounted to a very careful stasis of non-communication. :sorry: (this icon means so many more things than sorry...