Trying Out Being Semi-independent

[presentjoy]

Thanks. Yeah. I felt panicked yesterday when I woke up from a nap and all these footsteps were going on in the house.

It's hard. I hole up a lot.
I'm really really sad. I miss J. It's hard to explain but I'm really worried about him but I'm needing to take care of myself. I hope he's taking care of himself. He's hurting. :(

 

[Spiderallis]

When J comes back, you'll be able to be there for him if you take good care of you now. Think of it as helping him if that makes it easier. You're very brave to try something new like this.

 

[presentjoy]

I hope he comes back. I hope we can work it out. But the boundaries I set made things even worse.

Eating yogurt for lunch at 2.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

Hang in there, pj. You are a good and sweet person and I hope it works out well for you and J

 

[Abstract]

I can't tell what my eyes are doing.

PJ, I call what your eyes are expressing as "traumatised". I hope you are making it through the day. Its a big learning curve. I understand your description of what you need to learn - the self regulation. And how hard it can be to learn when you are closely attached to someone when you have not had the skills in the past. I think being independent - as scary as it is - can be a help.

If you are struggling to shop can you order food online to be delivered? This helped me very much when I was struggling to go out the house or into a shop and when buying food overwhelmed me.

I hope you are managing - ish.

 

[presentjoy]

I'm in a different house. Different town. Alone. J has been very much struggling but we saw each other and have been having constructive conversations. I haven't been here in a while. I guess there's just been so much transition.

I went to the mountains and it was so quiet. I didn't realize how noisy everything was until I got there.

I'm oscillating between being painfully lonely, and realizing how much I need the aloneness.

Abstract, yeah. Traumatised may be a good word for those eyes.. I'm transitioning to another therapist who I can bike to, but who is a trauma specialist and I think this will help. J and I are also going to seek couples therapy.