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I wouldn't say the eating disorder comes from the PTSD but that both are consequences of the trauma I suffered and ways I used to cope with the emotions and experiences I went through, and I think this is generally pretty common. For me, as again is very common, one of the ways I used to cope...

This I can totaly reate to too and agree that it is just so so hard. Your realism about it still being so so hard, even though it does get easier really does help me too, as at times it still does just fee like it is too much, and to be able to connect to other people too who are going through...

I posted the last message last night as a guest (Rainbow child) as I was on my phone and could not remember my log on details from before as it has been a pretty long time since I was on the site, but I have logged in today on my computer which still remembered my log on so am just adding this...

For a long time I have resisted medication and still find the prospect of taking it very hard, though when my anorexia was at its lowest I did take St. John's wort for a while, which did seen to help. Now my eating had been stabilised for a long time and I know I have come a long way on my...

I also hate to lie but quite often my reaponse will be "fine" which I have no hesitation in being honest with people means F**ked up, Insecure, Neuritic and Emotional. Everyone who knows me well knows that is exactly what I mean by it and I always say it in the time of voice which makes it...

I am so sorry to hear this and feel for you so much and am sending you gentle hugs if they will help. I am so glad that you are able to see your therapist tomorrow and hope you are able to find ways to look after yourself and be kind to yourself during this time, as I know you must be finding it...

I have just read your posts and am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time at the moment. You are such a strong person, whose light really does shine through, even though you are going through such a hard time, and I am praying for you to really be able to find the safety to be able to...

Thank you for your reply @Echo. Things have been pretty mad for me recently and I have not had a chance to get on here very much, but I have been thinking of you and I hope that you have been able to work more on your grounding and self-caring techniques, as you definitely do deserve to be...

@Echo I do not have time to reply with much this evening but have read your latest posts and wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. You are doing so well with beig able to articulate and connect with so much, and it is no surprise that you are finding it so hard, but I really do believe...

I just wanted to add that though my abuse was not spiritual, I also have struggled a lot with my relationship with God, and the whole thing of seeing how any father can be safe and really loving, is something I am still very much working through and learning to feed more and more into the levels...

I am so sorry to hear of your experiences and the massive effect which this has had on your relationship with God. I cannot say that I know any good books specifically addressing the issue of spiritual abuse, but two books came to mind as I read your post, both of which are published by...

As someone who also has trouble sleeping at times, and also has children in the house, I really cannot say that I would find that funny at all from the receiving end, as I always keep my phone on in case genuine people do need me in the night, which does happen at times, but if I was woken up...

It is definitely an amazing place, and just so so safe which has been amazing for me, and though it is a five hour drive for me to get there, I always know it is worth it, even when it is so emotionally hard to face the things and they are also about for me when I need to call them I between...

I think that the way so much else seems to come up when we get past one bit, is why I sometimes find it so hard to take hold of all I have already processed and why I still feel so scared to even believe I have got through some bits when things do get a bit easier, as I am so scared that it will...

It is so good to read this and I am praying peace and blessings for you. God bless Helen

I am glad that knowing it has helped me can be an encouragement to you too and do think that as you are able to find more connection in what ever way possible, that it will help, and am glad that your 20 year old part is able to communicate to you through your baby part too, and hope you can...

I had just been thinking about you and thought I'd check on here and see if you'd said much about how you are doing lately so am so glad to have read this. I am sorry to hear those parts are still screaming tonight, and really hope it does help you to find more connection with other parts...

I read this thread earlier and have been thinking of you, but have had a mad day and not been able to reply before, but am so glad to read that you are feeling better than you were. I am so glad to hear that there are people within your church who do understand, and am really praying for you...

Welcome. Helen

You do not need to be sorry for asking. I am happy to share my experiences with you if they can help you at all, and really do hope that they will be able to. Learning to live with the little girl for me, is still a process, but one which over time I have been really trying more and more to...

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, and would say that for you only you can know what is safe. I know for me I came to the point when I realised that actually what I was doing wasn't really safe. The shutting down never actually stopped the things which were happening, and in a way the...

I am also not surprised you have found it hard to allow yourself to release, when there are so many things going on and so many different emotions, and am praying you can really feel the safety, which you do have with your therapist, and that this can help you as you are there tomorrow. You...

When I first started my EMDR my therapist talked to me specifically about the effects of alcohol and recommended that I do not drink after the sessions. I have never known the specific reasons why, and assumed it was because our inhibitions were down, but do know that when I drank a bit over...

I personally do not have a problem with telling people, though it obviously varies a lot with who it is as to how much I would say about it, but for me I have found it is has been an important part of finally accepting myself and the things which happened to me, as though I would love for them...

Glad to hear you are not doing too bad today, and that you feel you have some answers for some of the screaming going on within you. I am sorry you are also finding sleep so hard, and really hope you are able to make sure you look after yourself as well as you need to when you have the extra...