Here It Goes With The "tough Love" Advice Again...

[FindingMyself88]

Thank you @shimmerz and @TimeToHeal. I did finally respond to her because I knew if I didn't, it would make it that much harder to go back to church. I simply said "I love you too _____, I wasn't trying to ignore you. I hope ya'll had a great service. I will be there Sunday. I know you have the best intentions, but that is not where I am at. Anyways, love you lots, hope you have a great week. See you Wednesday at church."

I battled with justifying myself, but left it at what I said. I know she won't understand, but I feel like I had to say something.

I do hope so to that I find the courage to talk to at least one of my pastor's wives about this. I don't want to loose what I have gained and I hate the mind games this does to me. I don't want one or two people to ruin what I have with the others, but this is a giant battle for me..A HUGE part of me wants to run away, but then the rational part and the part who has began caring about my faith again says no. My therapist says I have a deeper perspective than most, that I see the gray areas, not just the black and white. I am really trying to focus on that this morning. That and working on the mindfulness meditation she is working with me on…

 

[shimmerz]

@FindingMyself88 Man you sound great! Way to go! Good for you and your grounding skills! So impressed!

 

[FindingMyself88]

@shimmerz thank you, I'm not great trust me. If you knew how bad I'm still upset about it, you wouldn't think so. I just don't want this to ruin everything again.

 

[shimmerz]

@FindingMyself88 I bet I would think so. I know how hard it is to reground and you went through a lot. Please remember, you didn't ruin anything. You took steps forward to rectify the situation. Please don't play that down. Maybe you didn't do exactly what you wanted to do but you did something! And it was great....

 

[Echo]

@FindingMyself88 - well done! Even if you don't feel like it, you set a boundary with this girl and made it clear you weren't going to get pulled into her mind-set. You stuck up for yourself gently and kindly but also firmly said that you see your situation differently to her. Whether she'll take any notice remains to be seen, but I hope your pastor or his wife can support you now and maybe even have a quiet word with her so she gives you some space.

You are very brave (even if you don't feel like it) and it sounds like there are some good, sensible people at your church this time. Be proud of yourself and I hope you get some rest now.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Yes, @FindingMyself88, good for you! For responding to her texts and also for not justifying your actions! You do not owe her, or anyone else for that matter, an explanation.

YOU know, and your God knows, that your motives and intentions were in keeping with your best interest. THAT is what matters.

Hugs to you.... :)

 

[The Albatross]

You handled it well, and hopefully you can pursue a discussion with your Pastor's wife or an elder woman in your church. It is important for me often times to learn and model tolerance, particularly with my church family because I know I'm the only one in my congregation with PTSD. I have to pause to ask myself if they are well-intentioned before I act. I am careful about the offenses I perceive these days.

I am though not of the opinion that communing with God at home is the same as corporeal worship services, but due to my condition I am there when I am able, in the capacity that I am able, and that is good enough for my church.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thank you everyone, I do feel better now having not left the issue hanging. She hasn't answered back, but I know she is at work.

@The Albatross I do want to try to maybe talk to my Pastor's wife Wednesday. I will have one of my last 2 meetings with my old therapist tomorrow, so this will probably be a major discussion. She is just seeing me through the next 2 weeks as I get comfortable with my new therapist. She knows my issues about the church, so it will be good to talk to her. Maybe she can help me decide how to bring it up to my Pastor's wife. I don't want to come across as angry at this girl. I know deep down she wasn't trying to hurt me, she is just speaking out of her knowledge and doesn't REALLY know where I am at. If anything, sometimes I don't take enough offense, or so I am told by my therapist, but this isn't one of those situations I don't think. I definitely will be distancing myself from her however, because I cannot deal with that mindset right now.

I too believe it is important for corporate worship and fellowship. However, over the past year I've had health problems that make it difficult and sometimes dangerous to drive, such as this situation. Our church records the messages, so I will get to hear the word and if all things go well, I will be at church Wednesday. Sometimes I also can't go because I don't feel emotionally safe. It would cause me to only become worse if I tried to go. Otherwise, I do push through and go and am actually involved.. 1-2 sundays a month I even run the computer for services. My pastors understand and for right now, that has to be enough for me.

 

[HelenB]

I read this thread earlier and have been thinking of you, but have had a mad day and not been able to reply before, but am so glad to read that you are feeling better than you were.

I am so glad to hear that there are people within your church who do understand, and am really praying for you that no matter that these words will have done to you, that you really can realise the truth of what Jesus would say to you. In realty the shortest verse in the bible is John 11:35, when Jesus friend lazerus had died, and it somply says Jesus wept. Jesus also in the garden of Gethsemene sweat drops of blood, because of the anguish He went through. I really do not believe that it is true that Jesus does not want us to also be real and express the feelings and emotions we have, and know that the wonderful counsellor, really is so kind and gentle and understanding, and really hope you can believe that the guilt you speak of feeling, is not of Him at all. He really does know your heart, which is the most important thing, and I am praying you really can find this in your heart, and find even more peace within this situation.

I have also known people who have an attitude like this, and do genuinely think that it is much more from ignorance than anything else, and know that though it is hard, as time has gone on, I have been able to be more honest with them, and over time as this has helped them understand more it has been easier, and do think it is just about understanding, and if your friend does love you as she has said, am really praying that this will become easier between you, and that she will be able to understand more of where you are coming from with it too.

I am also sorry to hear how bad your headaches have been, and really hope that it has eased a lot more now and that you are ok.

God bless
Helen

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you sure this is someone you want as a friend? I'm not trying to be judgmental, but at the same time, if someone is going to push those buttons of yours which have derailed you before, is this really a good relationship for you to have? I understand wanting to have a deeper relationship with God as this is something that I am seeking out myself. However, I think it is important to always keep your own morals, values, beliefs and faith in the forefront of your mind so that when someone or something comes along that does not align with what is best for you, perhaps you can mentally say to yourself "thanks but no thanks" while being cordial to them as an acquaintance or not so close friend. I think there is a big problem in getting sucked up into the wrong sorts of beliefs when you attend church, which makes it even more important for you to stay true to yourself. Yes, I am a believer, and I go to a Christian church, but I don't believe in everything and have summed up my faith in one three word sentence. That one sentence helps me stay true to who I am and to what I believe. If something goes against my core belief, I distance myself from it. Many people make religion out to be a much more difficult thing than it needs to be with all sorts of unnecessary rules. And as cliché as it may sound, when in doubt, I ask "What Would Jesus Do?" (Yeah, I hated this saying circa 1999 lol) But, answering this simple question has helped me determine right from wrong more times than I can tell you. In your case, Jesus would have told you to take care of yourself. you can find him just as easily sitting on a rock in the middle of a field as you can in a house of worship. Worshiping on a specified day doesn't make you more of a believer, but some like to think so. Stay true to yourself and don't let others tell you what's best for you! Only you know that.

 

[FindingMyself88]

I have found myself really stressed out today ever since I sent her the text. Anytime my phone beeps, I become very anxious that it is her responding. So far she hasn't.

@Solara I do not want to be a close friend to her, nor am I now. I've had my doubts about her since the beginning. She is in my small group that I told about my suicide attempt. I don't typically open up to her which is why its even more funny that she says she knows where I'm at...

 

[Lucycat]

someone has to give me the "tough love" advice.

This is not tough love, this is emotional blackmail and I am glad you did not give in. Had you driven yourself, seriously unwell, to the church and caused an accident in which people died would this have been perceived as 'God's will?'

@FindingMyself88 Well done for your polite but firm way of dealing with this situation. I am impressed with your strength.